People Who've Lost Their Joy In Life Develop These 11 Habits As They Get Older
Jenoche / Shutterstock As we get older, it’s not uncommon for people to lose the joy in their lives. Sometimes, people will call this a midlife crisis, but there is more to it, and it can vary with age. If you went through a phase after graduating from high school or college where you felt like your life had less meaning, or you’re an empty nester trying to find purpose after your kids moved out, you may struggle with finding happiness in your life.
The loss of joy in life is incredibly painful. When you’re trying to keep going even though things feel heavy, stepping outside of your normal routine can be a struggle. Experiencing this pain can suck the joy out of everyday experiences. Reaching this point can feel like nothing will ever improve. Someone feeling this way may develop habits that the average person may not understand. They can get stuck in this rut. If you’re experiencing this or know someone who is, it is important to have patience and believe things will improve over time.
People who've lost their joy in life develop these 11 habits as they get older
1. They hate to stray from their routine
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I know I can be guilty of this. When I am feeling down, I can sink into my routine. There’s something comforting about being in my comfort zone. However, you can only grow if you put yourself out there. Refusing to stray from a routine can show that someone has lost joy in their life. They will choose to do the same habits rather than push themselves to do something new.
Staying in a routine is a habit that unhappy people might take on. Someone who once felt comfortable trying new things may choose to follow the same path every day. While sticking to a routine can be beneficial, if someone has a hard time moving out of their typical events, no matter how big or small, they could be dealing with a loss of joy that makes them stick to the same things out of comfort.
2. They withdraw socially
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When life feels heavy, people may choose to withdraw from their social lives. As they get older, they may choose to stay in more and spend time with people less. When you’re sad, it can be easier to sink into the sadness than to leave your house and hang out with people. They may stop prioritizing their social circle as their joy for life lessens. This is a habit that can be easily picked up when times get tough.
This habit can be harmful to their health. “Social withdrawal can be associated with shame, low self-esteem, and fear of rejection. In addition, lack of social interaction can lead to feelings of loneliness, isolation, and physical, cognitive, and mental health issues such as anxiety and depression,” writes Geralyn Dexter, PhD, LMHC, for Verywell Mind.
3. They avoid responsibility
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When someone loses their joy in life, they’ll develop a habit of avoiding responsibility as they age. It’s difficult to commit to things when it can be hard to get out of bed. They may also be attached to their routine and do not want to take on other tasks that require them to step outside of that. If they’re counting on doing the same thing every day, agreeing to do something for someone else may feel like a burden.
People who have lost the joy in their lives as they get older may not trust themselves to take on important tasks. They may not feel they are worthy of it. If they have lost joy, they know that their ability to get things done might be compromised. They’ll avoid taking on responsibility so they don’t let anyone they care about down.
4. They ignore things they once cared about
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A classic sign that someone has lost the joy in their life is that they stop enjoying things that once made them happy. I know when I am going through tough periods, I have less energy to put into things that I care about, like hobbies. As someone ages and joy becomes less prevalent, they will no longer feel the need to do things they once loved to do.
“Loss of interest can create a cycle from which it's hard to break free. Because of decreased interest, you might stop spending time with others and engaging in things that normally help you feel less stressed,” says Kendra Cherry, MSEd, for Verywell Mind. “This increased isolation, decreased activity, and lower social support can then play a part in making you feel more anxious and depressed.”
5. They neglect self-care
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There are a few things better than a night of self-care. Whether it’s taking time to do hobbies that you care about or choosing to pamper yourself, it’s helpful to treat yourself to these moments. When someone ages and loses the joy in their lives, it can be hard for them to find the energy to do these things. Instead of putting effort into themselves, they choose to continue to burn themselves out.
This may not be a conscious choice. When someone is in a low place, they may not want to be alone with themselves. Maybe they used to love to read, but now they refuse to take the time to do it as self-care because their minds are constantly racing. Hearing their own thoughts may feel like too much. Instead, they’ll busy themselves to avoid having to deal with their painful thoughts.
6. They hold grudges
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As we get older, more and more people will hurt us. It can be hard to move past these feelings of being constantly let down by others. Older people who have experienced a lot of pain and have since lost the joy in their lives are prone to holding grudges. It’s hard to move forward as people let you down time again.
“The problem with grudges, besides the fact that they are a drag to carry around (like a bag of sedimentized toxic waste that keeps us stuck in anger), is that they don’t serve the purpose that they are there to serve,” says Nancy Colier, LCSW, Rev. “They don’t make us feel better or heal our hurt. At the end of the day, we end up as proud owners of our grudges but still without the experience of comfort that we ultimately crave, that we have craved since the original wounding.”
7. They stop setting goals
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If someone has lost happiness in their lives, they will stop making goals for themselves. A loss of joy can equate to a loss of self-confidence. If someone isn’t proud of themselves, they won’t want to put more on their plates. If they feel like they let themselves down, they will not want to set themselves up for failure.
They may also stop planning for the future. When someone is in a tough spot, they will feel like nothing is worth working towards. They’re not going to set goals they feel aren’t worth achieving. Being in a tough spot can make everything feel more difficult. Getting through a normal day is sometimes enough work. Making new goals will seem impossible.
8. They compare themselves to others
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I don’t know about you, but when I am feeling down on myself, I can’t help but start the comparison game. I will look at the other people around me and wonder why I’m not succeeding the way they are. I’ll compare everything from my looks to my financial situation to those around me. Everyone seems better when you’re feeling down on yourself.
“Comparisons are likely to make us feel bad when we make the error of only comparing ourselves to paragons of certain traits,” says Psychology Today. “For example, many people believe they have a less active social life than others. But when making such comparisons, people tend to compare themselves only to the most social people they know. Understanding this bias can help us make more realistic and motivating comparisons.”
9. They become more irritable
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Failing to find happiness in life can lead to an unfortunate habit: Constant irritability. When you are feeling on edge every day, finding the patience to deal with things can feel like an impossible feat. Having patience is already difficult; when things aren’t going their way anymore, people who have lost joy in their lives with age will struggle to keep their cool. Can you blame them? Unhappiness makes us cranky. It’s part of life.
Being in the habit of defaulting to irritability can make life even more unenjoyable. Even if it is hard to try to force a smile or approach things with a positive attitude, trying our best to do so will make things feel a little bit lighter.
10. They look for validation
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People who are unhappy in life have a habit of needing constant validation from others. It’s hard for them to find confidence or joy within themselves, so they seek it from others. Their unhappiness makes them hard on themselves. When there is someone in their life who can reassure them that they are okay, they will rely on that person.
“The problem arises when self-validation is not possible or is not valued. In other words, if an individual puts the opinion, approval, or recognition of someone else over their own feelings, they will need that external, other person's validation on an ongoing basis,” says Sherry Gaba, LCSW. "Keep in mind that validation is not a bad thing in your life; it is affirming and positive. It only becomes problematic when it becomes the focus of all you do.”
11. They avoid anything challenging
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Let’s face it, when things are tough, none of us wants to force ourselves to take on more complicated tasks. When someone has lost the joy in their lives, they will turn down anything that appears difficult. They may not want to let themselves down or other people who rely on them. They lack the confidence or self-esteem to try things that are complicated.
Trying a new task is scary enough. When someone has lost the joy for life as they age, they will only want to do things that they are comfortable with. Challenging themselves with a new hobby or a difficult task can feel overwhelming. It’s a habit that becomes comfortable for them. They do not want to put effort into anything that may not serve them because they do not have the energy.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
