If Your Adult Kid Uses These 11 Phrases, They Are Truly An Ungrateful Person
Reshetnikov_art | Shutterstock While an ungrateful child can often be a result of a very generous household and an entitled upbringing, most of the time, an adult child who lashes out at their parents is dealing with something internally, at least according to parent coach and psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein. Of course, accountability and conversations about childhood trauma can help some of this tension between parents and their adult children, but constantly blaming a child for their mistakes is not only unfair but also frustrating.
So, how can you tell if there’s potential for growth in someone compared to a fundamentally ungrateful child? Sometimes, you can notice this in subtle, unsuspecting conversations. For example, if your adult child uses certain phrases, it indicates they are genuinely ungrateful. They feel entitled at their core and only see themselves as the center of everyone’s universe.
If your adult kid uses these 11 phrases, they are truly an ungrateful person:
1. ‘I wouldn’t be like this if it weren’t for you’
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Blame-shifting is a common problem among many ungrateful people, especially adult children who think their parents are responsible for all the mistakes they encounter in adulthood. From financial struggles to relationship issues, they blame their childhood trauma and parents for everything instead of taking steps to heal and develop a more responsible, self-reliant mindset.
You’re allowed to help your kids, support their emotions, and give space for accountability for mistakes you made as a parent, but that doesn’t mean accepting the blame and responsibility for all of their adult consequences.
2. ‘That’s not my job’
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Whether it’s financial struggles or irresponsible life choices, ungrateful, entitled adult children expect their parents to “save” them. They never take accountability for the control they wield over their own life and often blame their parents for putting them in bad decisions by not putting their own well-being at stake to “help.”
They believe their parents are in control of their lives, especially when it comes to things they don’t want to do or responsibilities they don’t want to deal with. You’ll often hear things like “that’s not my job” in conversations with an ungrateful child because of this mentality.
3. ‘You owe me’
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While over-parenting often causes children to develop entitlement in adulthood, it’s not a parent’s sole responsibility to continue catering to their ungrateful kids later in life. At some point, these adults need to take accountability and responsibility in their own lives, rather than expecting their parents to do everything for them.
If your adult kid uses phrases like “you owe me” in adulthood, chances are they’ve grown accustomed to a lifestyle as a kid where they could ask for and get whatever they needed from their parents. But that doesn’t mean you still “owe” them anything, especially at the expense of your own personal health and well-being.
4. ‘Their parents pay their bills’
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According to a study from the Pew Research Center, nearly 45% of adult children received some form of financial support from their parents in the past year. Especially in the current economic climate, it’s not surprising that many young people are struggling and depend on their parents to stay financially stable.
However, expecting parents to cover bills and handle expenses isn’t just unrealistic and unsustainable for many — it can easily strain the parent-child relationship later on. So, if your adult kid uses phrases like “well, their parents pay for their bills” or “I didn’t ask to be born” to ask for money, chances are they’re ungrateful and entitled, not gracious.
5. ‘I don’t have time for this’
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An ungrateful adult child is often cold, dismissive, and passive in the face of their parents’ needs, despite asking for and accepting all their energy in return. They’ll ask for money, babysitting shifts, and attention a million times in a single week, only to make an excuse for why they can’t show up in the same way for their parents.
Despite having unrealistic expectations for their parent, an adult child’s emotional immaturity proves that they can’t even manage the most basic expressions of empathy.
6. ‘Can’t you just figure it out?’
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Despite having little to no critical thinking or problem-solving skills of their own — or rather, motivation to build them — ungrateful adult children often expect their parents to handle their own issues without help. They make themselves the center of everyone’s universe, ignoring the fact that it’s also their parents' first time living and experiencing life.
“Can’t you just figure it out on your own?” is just one example of their ignorance and self-serving nature. Their parents will turn their entire lives and routines over just to help out, but when they ask for that kind of energy in return, they get less than the bare minimum.
7. ‘Stop acting like you care’
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Ungrateful adult children will latch onto whatever they can to guilt-trip their parents into doing more for them. “Stop acting like you care” is a manifestation of that — they cling onto moments where their parents were busy or disconnected to nurture their own desires and ask.
Their entitlement fuels all of these phrases and behaviors, because they operate from a mentality that assures them they’re “worthy” of everything. From their parents' time and attention to their money, they believe that those things should also be spent on them — that they’re more important than any kind of stability or fun their parents might want.
8. ‘You always need something in return’
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By clinging onto therapy speak like “transactional” and projecting their own insecurities onto their interactions with their parents, ungrateful adult children often minimize their parents' needs with a simple phrase like this. Even if they’re truly the transactional family member, by definition — expecting things in return for their time and attention — they hold other people to these “faults” to distract from their own struggles.
Of course, transactional relationships with your parents and adult kids can often spark tension that strains the connection. But if you’re only asking for the bare minimum and being shamed for it, chances are that’s entitlement more than a transactional two-way street.
9. ‘I don’t need to explain myself to you’
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Many parents who feel obligated to help their adult kids, sometimes at the expense of their own sanity and stability, feel emotionally connected to the role of being a parent. They want to feel connected to their kids, so they try to meet their every need to keep the peace and quality time uplifting.
However, ungrateful adult children aren’t leading with empathy or worrying about showing up thoughtfully for their kids — they’re too focused on themselves. So, using a phrase like “I don’t need to explain myself to you” might seem healthy in certain family dynamics, but in these kinds, it’s a reminder of the personal disconnect happening between these parents and adult kids.
10. ‘I’m really struggling’
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Even if they’re perfectly comfortable or capable of exercising their own work ethic to get out of a hard situation, an ungrateful child will always guilt-trip their parents into helping. Even if they’re aware of the strain it causes to their parents’ lifestyle or routine, they take advantage regardless.
They weaponize their parents’ desire to feel “needed” with unrealistic expectations and asks.
11. ‘You could’ve helped me sooner’
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Entitlement often encourages people to believe they’re “deserving” of anything just because of who they are, according to a study from the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. They have an inflated sense of deservingness that leads them to take advantage of other people’s time, energy, resources, and effort, without “wasting” their own.
In family dynamics, this kind of entitlement, mixed with poor boundaries, often causes more harm than good — from disconnection between siblings to lingering resentment under the surface of every interaction.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
