Fake Friends Almost Always Say These 11 Phrases When They Compliment You
Their compliments are something much more sinister.
VesnaArt | Shutterstock Making real friends nowadays isn't as easy or straightforward as it used to be. From spreading rumors online to gossiping behind your back, fake friends disguise who they truly are as a way to tarnish your reputation. And while it isn't usually obvious based on the way they act, their words speak volumes. Whether it's insulting your intelligence or age, fake friends almost always say these phrases when they compliment you.
But fake friends are actually insulting you and disguising their words. Because of their own insecurities, they'll give backhanded compliments to ensure those around them are in a constant state of self-doubt. And while it's all too easy to disregard these comments or gaslight yourself into believing they don't mean what they said, you should believe them the first time.
Fake friends almost always say these 11 phrases when they compliment you
1. 'Wow, you actually look really good today'
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There's nothing wrong with acknowledging a friend who looks beautiful. However, fake friends almost always say "Wow, you actually look really good today" when they compliment you. And there's nothing kind about it.
Insecure people can't help but give backhanded compliments. It doesn't matter how much they claim to adore you. If your talent or looks threaten to outshine them, they're quick to put you in your place. They'll twist their words to make it sound sweeter than it is.
As psychology professor Robert N. Kraft said, "Manipulation shows itself in different ways, ranging from flattery to bullying... They do not directly threaten, but they do coerce by questioning one's character, ignoring boundaries, encouraging guilt, and overlaying their own version of reality on others."
2. 'I could never pull that off'
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Whether it's with a friend or a co-worker, most people have heard this rude comment from a supposed friend. In their eyes, this is the nicest way to express what they actually think, which is that you can't pull off that look either.
When someone is intimidated but knows that voicing their insecurities won't benefit them in any way, they'll do their best to let their frustrations out in a different way. Whether it's smiling and uttering this phrase or doing some other variation, remember that fake friends will use words that are vague and confusing to throw you off.
3. 'Good for you'
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Nobody wants to be involved with someone fake; however, bad friends are typically good gaslighters. With a smile on their face, they'll purposely use vague words to insult you, and when it's convenient, use the same vagueness to brush off your concerns. It's incredibly manipulative and insulting.
They may appear innocent or naive, but manipulative friends are intentional with their words. Especially if you try to question them, they'll use their strategic mind to make you feel like you're the problem.
As psychiatrist Abigail Brenner explained, "Manipulative people can play the victim, making you seem to be the one who caused a problem which they began but won't take responsibility for. They can be passive-aggressive or nice one minute and standoffish the next, to keep you guessing and to prey on your fears and insecurities."
4. 'You're so brave for wearing that'
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When a true friend is trying to hype you up, they'll be very encouraging. Wanting you to feel like your best self, they'll praise your outfit, hair, or makeup, all without making you feel insecure or doubtful.
However, a fake friend doesn't like to feel second best. Filled with insecurity, they'll never give their friends validation, choosing instead to give them a fake compliment in disguise. Because no matter their intention, they almost always mean "That outfit doesn't look good."
If a friend says this, they're way too nice and don't want to step on toes or are trying to find a way to let you know how they feel without actually saying it. Either way, their vagueness is fake, which makes trusting them a bit harder.
5. 'You're smarter than you look'
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Fake friends almost always say "You're smarter than you look" when they compliment you as a way to express how unintelligent they think you are. They blatantly mischaracterize you and admit they don't think of you highly, all based on your appearance.
While you may be willing to brush their cruel comments to the side, refusing to address their backhanded compliment will only make matters worse, especially if they brush off your concerns without a care in the world. As licensed therapist Mike Verano explained, when communication breaks down, it's usually due to a lack of connection, listening, or caring.
6. 'Things just seem to always work out for you'
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While some might consider your life to be lucky, like anything in life, the average person has to put some sort of hard work and effort into their life to see the results they've been working towards. Whether it's investing time into a relationship or into a career, good luck doesn't create itself.
Fake friends who utter this phrase aren't the most genuine out there. Refusing to believe that you could have done everything yourself, they'd rather view your success story through the lens of simple luck. And while it may not bother you at first, be very wary of these people, as their jealousy can jeopardize everything you've worked for.
7. 'You look so much better now that you've lost weight'
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Weight is a sensitive topic. It doesn't matter if someone lost or gained weight; being viewed under a microscope isn't a good feeling. Unfortunately, fake friends use this to your advantage, calling attention to your appearance in a rude and insulting way.
While losing weight is good for your health, centering how beautiful someone is based on weight is harmful. As licensed psychologist Rachel Needle explained, "Commenting on people's weight — whether as a compliment or a critique — can contribute to body dissatisfaction, disordered eating, weight stigma, and even reinforce societal beauty standards that are harmful to mental health."
Rather than view your weight as a contributing factor to how good you look, real friends will acknowledge the things you can control. From how you did your hair to what clothes you have on, real friends will never comment on your weight.
8. 'You were so articulate in your post'
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Nowadays, it's becoming less compelling to post online. From toxic comments to celebrities with heavily edited selfies, posting online can feel like a humiliation ritual. Still, sometimes people feel inspired to post that cute photo, but when they're met with a rude comment from a friend, it can be devastating.
Real friends will support you and be your biggest cheerleader, while fake friends make it their life's mission to put you down. They'll use passive-aggressive phrases to make you question yourself, but that doesn't mean you should stay silent about it.
9. 'You're doing so well, considering everything'
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Everyone goes through hard times. From breakups to job losses, having friends and family to lean on can make or break someone. And while true friends know what to say to ease your mind, fake friends almost always say this phrase when they compliment you.
On the outside, this might sound encouraging, but the issue is the "considering everything" aspect. While it could be poor phrasing, fake friends have a tendency to twist their words to make you doubt yourself.
According to clinical psychologist Roxy Zarrabi, "Misunderstandings occur between friends, but if you are often left wondering whether your friend purposely said something to hurt you or frequently feel confused by the intention behind their statements, this is typically a sign that the trust in your friendship may be lacking."
10. 'You look great for your age'
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People should never talk too much about looks and age. Even if it's meant to be a compliment, anything involving someone's age can quickly make the nicest person turn sour. While 90% of friends know this, fake friends almost always point out the way someone looks relative to their age.
At the end of the day, true friends will always uplift you. Whether it's through a simple compliment or not saying anything at all about your looks, real friends would never put you in a position to doubt how beautiful or handsome you are.
11. 'You have such a big personality'
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This phrase doesn't sound like much, but its vagueness can easily be misinterpreted. Typically, when someone doesn't like how someone acts, they might say they have a big personality to disguise what they truly mean: they're a hot mess.
This is why it's important to be clear and direct with your compliments. If you truly admire someone, don't just say they have a big personality. Instead, be specific. Avoiding misunderstandings is crucial because, as psychotherapist Amy Morin explained, "A simple misinterpretation can escalate into a full-blown argument if not addressed quickly."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
