People Who Are Unapologetically Honest As They Get Older Almost Always Use These 11 Phrases
As people get older, so does their tolerance for putting up with things that don't bring them happiness.
Andrii Iemelianenko / Shutterstock As people grow older, it's uncommon to notice that they suddenly have no issue saying exactly what they mean all of the time. The need to impress others, sugarcoat the truth, or avoid uncomfortable topics to make sure others in the room aren't caught off guard quickly goes away. Instead, older people seem to value candor, and maybe it's because they've lived their lives tiptoeing and trying to always say the right thing. The beauty of aging for them is the fact that they no longer have to try so hard to fill themselves. They say what needs to be said, and that honesty is so much easier than trying to dance around the truth.
It's not that older people are trying to be outwardly rude or mean. But it has more to do with the fact that they're no longer wasting their time with these little white lies and fake comments. They know what really matters in life, and that's making sure you're telling people things straight up, without hurting their feelings, of course. Sure, hearing the truth might sting a little when an older person is just saying it how it is, but it's also exactly what you might need to hear at the time, too. It's why their bluntness often comes across as wise rather than harsh.
People who are unapologetically honest as they get older almost always have these 11 phrases:
1. 'I don't have time for this'
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If there's one thing people don't tolerate as they get older, it's those trying to overstep boundaries that they've set. So, when they say "I don't have time for this," it isn't them trying to be dismissive, but about them no longer wanting to entertain trivial matters that have no real payoff for them. It's their polite, yet firm, way of bowing out of needing to over-explain themselves or even reaffirm their boundaries in any way.
Counselor Stephanie Moulton Sarkis explained that you don't need to be harsh or firm when it comes to no longer over-explaining yourself, either, but instead choosing to "prioritize emotional honesty without over-disclosure."
Older people truly understand that their time is valuable and they've learned to protect it by any means necessary. They're not trying to steamroll over others' problems, but recognizing which things they are responsible for and which ones are for someone else to deal with. When they were younger, they might have spent a lot of time trying to please others and even prove themselves in social interactions. But not anymore, they've realized that their peace of mind is what matters most, and to them, it's about choosing what to let go of and what to hold on to.
2. 'That doesn't work for me'
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People who become unapologetically honest as they get older say this not as a way to put people down or make them feel bad, but about making sure that they aren't accepting something that clashes with their own priorities. They usually say "That doesn't work for me" after being presented with a request to do something they don't want to do at all. When they were younger, they might've felt the need to jump at any and every opportunity because saying "no" felt like something that was out of reach for them.
"The key to escaping the Yes Trap lies in reclaiming the power of 'no.' Saying 'no' can be challenging, especially in a culture that often equates it with selfishness or negativity. However, it's a crucial skill for protecting our well-being and creating a life that truly aligns with our values," insisted psychologist Robert Puff.
But as they've gotten older, rather than faking an agreement or just saying "yes" out of obligation, they simply tell the truth instead. People who have reached this stage of being unapologetic don't need to hide behind people-pleasing as a way to justify every decision they make. They don't owe anyone a long list of reasons either. Instead, they know what their values are and the things that actually make them feel comfortable, and they simply aren't willing to compromise it for the sake of appeasing anyone else.
3. 'I'd rather be alone than in bad company'
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Older people aren't trying to be antisocial, but rather they're just extremely selective about not spending their time in the room with the wrong company. They may have spent their early life prioritizing quantity over quality, but as they've gotten older, they realize that sometimes it might be better to be alone than be surrounded by people who don't really get them at all.
"Learning to be alone may be initially scary, but once mastered, serves as the cornerstone for your development and growth as a human being. There’s so much to be gained from learning to rely upon — and more importantly, to trust — your own inner voice as the best source for your own guidance," explained psychiatrist Abigail Brenner.
Being alone doesn't seem like something to be ashamed about either, and instead, they've learned to embrace it the older they've gotten. They know that choosing to be alone means they're putting more energy into self-care and growth rather than tolerating being around people who bring down their confidence and dim their light. By being upfront about their inability to tolerate bad company, they're making sure that their peace is being preserved no matter what.
4. 'I've learned to walk away'
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Older people who say that they've learned to walk away know that not every battle that comes their way is something they need to fight. In the past, they might've been put in situations where they've argued until they were blue in the face and even tried to salvage relationships with people that were long past their expiration date. Now, as they've gotten older, they know that their energy can be better spent elsewhere.
"Whenever possible — if your well-being feels at risk with an individual or group — give yourself permission to make a tactful and swift exit. In a spot, physically removing yourself is a sure, quick solution," pointed out psychiatrist Judith Orloff.
It's not that they just choose to give up, but rather they are choosing what's actually worth their time and attention. Walking away doesn't mean they don't care, but that they've learned to just avoid unnecessary conflict that'll only deplete their energy. It's about what they will and won't tolerate. With the age and experience that they have under their belt, they know that staying in the wrong situation will not only lead to wasted time but also mental and emotional exhaustion.
5. 'I say what I mean'
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With older people who have become unapologetically honest, there's no such thing as sugarcoating or overthinking at all. With age has come a sense of confidence in being able to know that what they're saying is not them trying to beat around the bush. They have a sense of courage, and speaking plainly hasn't always been an easy thing to learn. But people who are able to embrace this mindset have learned that the discomfort of being honest is way better than lying or withholding information for the sake of it.
"Being aware of the tone of your voice as well as the specific emphasis you give to certain words is an important but unrecognized contributor to good relationships. Finding the right balance can ensure that your language conveys your intended meanings, smoothing the way for greater fulfillment through your communication," said psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne.
People who have no problem saying what they mean have reached a stage in life where the approval of others doesn't sway anything of what they want to say. They've stopped wondering if people think they're being too blunt because, for them, they choose to prioritize transparency over anything and everything else. By being able to communicate what they mean, they're able to avoid misunderstandings and any kind of tension in their relationships.
6. 'I'm not here to impress anyone'
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There comes a shift as people get older where they no longer feel the need to live their lives by the approval of others. There may have been a time when they valued the opinion of others and held the expectations of how other people thought about them to the point where it got in the way of their being able to find happiness. Rather than bending over backwards to look a certain way or play the part, they've learned to just be their most authentic selves.
There's definitely a freedom that comes with shedding the weight of how other people think of you. Older people have learned that approval is so fleeting, and what matters most is how you view yourself. It's being present and comfortable in your own skin, being aware of both your strengths and flaws, and letting go of that pressure to conform to the idea of what success and joy look like.
7. 'I'm not here to compete'
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Older people know exactly who they are and who they're not. One thing they refuse to put up with is competing with other people. They know that constantly feeling like they're up against other people is just exhausting and unnecessary. There's enough success in the world for everyone to be winning.
Older people know that every person's path in life is vastly different, and there's no reason to compare where they are in life to where someone else is. For them, it's about finding what works for them and being content with it. They're simply secure enough in themselves to be able to focus on their own path without worrying how they stack up against others.
8. 'I don't settle anymore'
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The older a person gets, the more they realize that life is just way too short. Because of that, they refuse to compromise when it comes to the kinds of things they know they deserve. Whether it's different relationships in their lives, the kind of career they want, or even just personal goals that they have set for themselves, the phrase "I don't settle anymore" comes from a place of knowing their self-worth.
Older people simply choose to prioritize what genuinely fits into their lives and no longer settle for something just because it might sound good in the moment or because they don't know if they can achieve anything greater. By declaring that they're refusing to settle, they are showing just how much they value themselves enough to wait for the experiences and opportunities that actually resonate with them.
9. 'I don't hide my feelings'
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When an older person who's becoming more comfortable with being honest says, "I don't hide my feelings," it's their way of showing just how deep an awareness they have about themselves. It might've been something that took years to establish and learn, but now that they've got it down, it means they're no longer afraid of expressing themselves openly. Rather than avoiding things like conflict or discomfort, they will speak up about how they feel.
People who embrace it no longer fear that they'll be rejected or criticized for feeling what they feel. They know that hiding their emotions is not convenient at all and only does them a disservice in the long run. By wearing their emotions proudly and being able to identify them as they feel them, they not only form a better relationship with other people but also a better relationship with themselves.
10. 'That's just who I am'
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As people become unapologetically honest with age, they also reach a point in life where they're done making apologies for the kind of person they are. They're confident in being able to acknowledge that this is how they are, and if anyone doesn't want to engage with them, then they don't need to at all. But, they're done trying to tiptoe around the parts of their personality that they might've gotten shamed for when they were younger.
Having always had to shrink themselves to make others comfortable was such an exhausting endeavor, and now that they're older, they feel more empowered to live in their truth of who they really are. The people who accept them for who they are are the kinds of people they genuinely want in their life, and the ones that don't are people they have no problem kicking to the curb.
11. 'I won't be rushed'
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Life tends to move fast on its own, and there's just no reason to let others try to dictate the pace that you're choosing to live. Something that older people value more than anything is taking their time with anything they want to do. As people age, they realize that rushing often leads to making mistakes and having regrets.
"Life’s too short. If you’re speeding through your life all the time, the odds are pretty good that you’ll rush right past the things that matter most," encouraged physician Susan Biali Haas. "Slow down. Breathe. One thing at a time. You’ll be surprised (and delighted) by how much you still get done, and how much better it all feels."
By taking your time and setting your own pace, you're able to have a bit of control over your actions and the life that you want to live. So, when someone is proclaiming that they "won't be rushed," they're setting a clear expectation, and boundary as well, of the fact that they'll choose to engage with something when they feel it's right for them, rather than doing something just because it might be convenient for other people.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
