11 Simple Habits Of People Who Get Over Breakups Quickly
Heartbreak can sneak up on anyone, but only a few will heal quickly.
Mert Coşkun | Pexels Truly, I don't believe there's anything worse than a broken heart. Having to let go of someone you loved and had dreams of a future together can be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do
Healing from heartbreak is a one step at a time, one day at a time process. Right now, the whole idea seems daunting, but you can get past this heartbreak. You have most likely survived a broken heart before, and you will survive it again.
11 simple habits of people who get over breakups quickly:
1. They feel their feelings
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The most important part of healing after heartbreak is to feel your feelings.
In this country, it's a badge of honor to be strong in the face of heartbreak, to suck it up and not express the feelings we feel. But you mustn't just be strong and suck up your feelings if you want to heal from a broken heart.
I encourage you to cry, scream, or do whatever you need to get those feelings out. Feel them deeply and work to let them go. That way, your emotions won't get stuck in your body, and you will have an easier time healing.
Feel your feelings deeply, but don't wallow in them for long. There will be an intense period of pain, maybe a few weeks or a few months, but you mustn't let those feelings drive your decisions. Some of the painful feelings might still be there, but it's important you don't let them run your life.
2. They don’t seek closure
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Seeking closure is a complete waste of time and will only hold you back from your healing.
Closure is a myth. It's just an excuse to spend one more moment with your person while hoping things will turn out differently. Unfortunately, this never works. Things might turn out differently after a closure conversation, but chances are another breakup will follow sooner or later, nonetheless.
A key part of healing is not having contact with your person. Every time you hear their voice or see their face, it's going to hold you back from healing, maybe even put you back to square one. So, don't seek closure. Chances are, you know exactly what happened in your relationship, and you have talked about it more than once. You're not going to learn anything new if you try for closure.
3. They block their ex
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The idea of blocking your ex fills you with anxiety. After all, if you block them, how will they ever reach out to you if they want to get back together? How will you ever be able to reach them if you need them?
I get this! They are your ex, and you have been with them for a long time, and the idea of not being in contact with them is scary.
But what I can promise you is, if you block them, you will heal faster. Neither of you will have an opportunity to reach out and start the cycle of breakups again. You will both be given the opportunity to feel your feelings and move on.
I know it will be hard, but you can do it!
4. They refuse to stalk their social media
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One of the things that will damage your healing after a heartbreak is stalking your person on social media by going on their social channels and seeing what they're up to. Much like being in touch with them on your phone or seeking closure, seeing your person on social media will set you back.
You might see them going on with their life. You might see a quote that talks about the magic of freedom. You might even see them with another person. All these things can be devastating.
Remember, what people post on social media is not the truth. What people post on social media is the best version of their lives, sometimes even a version of their lives they post on purpose to mess with their ex.
So, much like blocking your person on your phone, unfriend or unfollow your ex on social media. You'll be glad you did.
5. They make a list of things that were wrong
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When we break up with someone, all of the struggles in the relationship are quickly forgotten. What is left are the memories of the good times, memories that will make us want to get back together with an ex.
I remember regretting breaking up with an ex so much that I almost called him. One day, I was reading my journal and remembered he never listened to me. He always interrupted me. Reading these words made me remember why we needed to break up.
I encourage everyone who wants to heal after heartbreak to keep a list of all the things that were wrong in the relationship. I know you might think nothing was wrong, and your relationship was perfect, but if you sit down and really think about it, you will find plenty of things to be added to this list.
If you keep this list growing, when you are feeling like you need closure or want to unblock them, you can refer to it and remember why this relationship was unhealthy and one you should not return to.
6. They move things around
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I have a client who has finally blocked the married man she thought she was in love with. It's incredibly hard for her, and she's been trying to figure out how to deal with the pain.
She says he is in every corner of her house. Wherever she turns, she sees something to remind her of him. To fix that, I encouraged her to move things around in her home.
I encouraged her to box up all his things and put them away or have him come get them (when she isn't home, of course). I also encouraged her to rearrange furniture and move photographs. This will shift the energy in the house and give her some hope for the future, instead of being tied to the past.
7. They get off the couch
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I know I told you to feel your feelings, and that is important. For many people, feeling their feelings involves ice cream on the couch in front of Love is Blind. And this is OK, at least for a time. If you get too attached to your couch, however, you will start to feel bad about yourself, and you won't be able to heal. You will get stuck in your feelings, maybe even making them worse.
So, spend a little bit of time on the couch, but then get off it. Just go for a walk. Or clean the dishes. Or spend time with friends.
The couch is a really comfy place, but not someplace where you can truly heal.
8. They spend time with loved ones
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A key part of healing after heartbreak is spending time with people who love you.
In an unhappy relationship, people lose a sense of who they are. When they are rejected by someone else, they believe themselves to be unlovable.
Spending time with people who love you will help you remember you are lovable and worthy of love.
So get out there and visit family, go to the movies with a friend, connect with someone from your past. Spend time with whoever will make you feel loved. After all, you are lovable, and you deserve love as much as anyone else.
9. They plan something fun
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Another client who is going through a breakup is really struggling with seeing any positive things in her future. It's hard for her to believe she'll ever find someone again or that she will ever feel happy again. And I get that. When you're feeling depressed, it's really hard to have hope for the future.
Make a plan for the future, something you can look forward to. Maybe it's just going to get a massage or finally see the Broadway show you have always wanted to see. Or it could be something bigger.
After my divorce, I decided I needed to go to Peru, and I did! Planning was really fun, and I had a huge sense of accomplishment after climbing a mountain at 17,000 feet. It made me feel wonderful about myself, a feeling I hadn't felt for a while.
10. They tip-toe back into dating
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You're feeling incredibly lonely and hoping you can get into another relationship as soon as possible. And I get that. After a breakup, we feel so lonely and will give anything to move on and find love.
But getting into a relationship right away is the worst thing you could do as far as healing from heartbreak.
So, get back into dating when you are ready. But not to seek a new relationship, to remember what it's like to date. Get out there and flirt and talk to people and get a lay of the land.
When they're ready to find a new relationship, they will have already flexed their dating muscles and will have a better chance of finding the person they can live happily ever after.
11. They get some help
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Many people who are going through a breakup think it is unnecessary to get help. After all, they have their friends and family to process the breakup and to help them move on.
I always push back on this.
Of course, your friends and family can be incredibly supportive. They love you and are always in your corner. However, your friends and family can bring their own stuff with their support. Perhaps they didn't like your ex and are happy to put them down and celebrate you leaving them. Or perhaps they have recently been through a breakup and want to equate your heartbreak with theirs.
If you seek professional help, this won't happen. A relationship coach will be someone who has helped many people get through heartbreak and come out the other side. They will not be someone who will bring their own agenda into your healing.
So, reach out to a professional, like me, to help you truly heal from your heartbreak so you're ready to move on and find love.
So there you go, a step-by-step guide to healing from heartbreak.
It feels like you will never be happy again, but I can promise you will. The key part is not to run from the pain of your past relationships into a new one. It's important to go through the steps to heal so you don't bring any of your past stuff into a new relationship, and you can get your happily ever after.
I know you can do this, and things are going to be OK!
Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC-based Certified Life Coach who works with individuals who strive to heal their toxic relationships so they can have their happily ever after. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, Psych Central, among many others.
