11 Beliefs So Many Men Have About Feminism That Prevent Them From Being Good Husbands
Many men have never even considered asking themselves why they believe these myths.
Rolling Camera / Shutterstock Being a feminist, according to the International Women’s Development Agency, is about accepting the principles of feminism — equal treatment, access, and opportunity for all genders — so you don’t have to specifically be a man, a woman, or anything in between to call yourself a “feminist.” While the concept of equity may seem obvious, there’s still a great deal of division and controversy around feminism, even in our modern world and amongst younger generations.
This disconnection, largely between binary genders, over feminism is largely rooted in discussions of fairness, current gender struggles, fear, and a lack of knowledge. Many men who face struggles with pay, career growth, access, or romance may argue that there’s no need for feminism because men aren’t always rewarded. However, it’s a much more nuanced conversation than that, which is why there are several beliefs so many men have about feminism that prevent them from being good husbands.
Here are 11 beliefs so many men have about feminism that prevent them from being good husbands
1. Feminism undermines family structure
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Many men feel comfortable in their position of power and authority — even if they don’t consciously accept that it exists through the patriarchy — even in smaller settings, like within their family or household. That’s part of what fuels their misguided beliefs about feminism, according to a 2009 study — they believe that giving women more power or equal rights will undermine the traditional norms that fuel nuclear families and relationships.
Of course, the reality is that even if feminist principles, ideas, and norms are set, women have the autonomy to seek out and engage in whatever kind of relationship they wish. If that means marrying a more dominant man who appreciates traditional gender roles, they have the choice to do so.
The only change this causes is that women are no longer pressured or rewarded for making choices in their personal lives that align with conformity or traditional standards. The women who are actively suppressed and uncomfortable with these kinds of relationships have the power, support, and societal empowerment to choose differently.
2. Feminists hate men
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The idea that feminists are misandrists or “hate men” is an outdated myth, but one that still generally lingers amongst so many men about feminism, which prevents them from being good husbands. The truth is that real feminists don’t hate men; they actually hate the patriarchy, the system of oppression that favors men and traditional gender constructs.
Of course, the patriarchy isn’t just oppressive to women and other minority groups. It’s also harmful to men, according to a study published in the Cureus journal.
Patriarchal ideas about gender are what craft toxic norms like restrictive masculinity, fears of vulnerability, protector and provider tropes, and control. This places men in a situation where they’re celebrated for conforming to a certain standard and ridiculed, judged, and shamed if they do not.
3. Feminism favors women over men
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The idea that feminism favors women over men is one of the beliefs that many men have about feminism that prevents them from being good husbands. Not only does it overlook the reality of gender roles and male dominance in today’s culture, along with all the unique struggles their wives face in everyday life, but it’s also wrong.
Feminism is in favor of everyone, regardless of gender, having equal rights. The only reason the name and discourse around feminism is focused on women is because they tend to experience the majority of consequences from their gender status in today’s world.
While there’s more nuance to mental health problems, relationship struggles, and personal health issues than simply gender roles for men, a study published in the Personality and Individual Differences journal argues that they do, in fact, play a role. So, feminism not only provides more opportunities and equity for women, but it also supports men in living healthier, happier, and more fulfilling lives.
4. We don’t need feminism anymore
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On top of more obvious signs of gender violence and intense discrimination in our culture, there are also more subtle signs that prove that feminism is more important now than it was decades ago. Of course, women have the right to vote, get their own credit cards — although that’s a more recent advancement than you may even realize — and remain single now. However, many countries still don’t ensure equitable pay for women or have protections for unpaid labor.
Think about school dress codes, recent research on gender parity, gendered career industries, worsened mental health and healthcare access, and even maternity leave or motherhood. It’s all inherently gendered and largely discriminatory toward women.
So, yes, feminism is still needed. If your husband rejects that fact completely without putting any effort into understanding why, chances are it’s preventing him from being a truly good and supportive partner.
5. Feminism overlooks male issues
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Despite misguided opinions, feminism isn’t anti-men. It’s not hyper-focusing on women’s issues without considering how gender roles and the patriarchy are affecting men. The goal of feminist work is to make the world a better, more supportive, and sustainable place for all genders, including men and masculine identities.
From having more access to community to supporting better mental health and removing pressures of hyper-masculine archetypes that encourage boys and men to adopt toxic mentalities in their relationships, feminism acknowledges and aims to address men’s issues just as much as women’s.
6. There are bigger issues than feminism
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Of course, if you frame any worldly issue or systemic injustice more convincingly, it’s going to seem like “the most important” things for advocates to focus on. However, the reality is that many issues are equally deserving of attention and important to address, feminism included.
Many women fighting for feminist changes in society aren’t doing so for the sake of privilege or access. It’s a life-or-death situation. Think of women in toxic relationships, struggling to put food on the table for their families, or falling victim to toxic gender stereotypes that keep them submissive and feeling powerless.
These kinds of issues are big, impactful, and dire for many women around the world, so even if your male partner believes it’s not a big deal, trust us. It is.
7. Feminism pits women against men
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Especially amongst younger generations like Gen Z, nearly 60% of men believe that feminism has “gone so far” as to spark discrimination for their gender. However, it’s these same men who subscribe to the hyper-masculine and gendered social norms that uphold their power today — the same men who believe that male partners who stay at home while their wife works are “less of a man,” according to a study conducted at King’s College.
However, no matter how uncomfortable or complex it is to acknowledge, the only things that are pitting men and women against each other in everyday life are the institutions and people in power who benefit from the patriarchy and an anti-feminist lifestyle. It’s the “Andrew Tates,” political structures, and ignorant, hyper-dominant men who thrive, so of course, they believe that feminists are attacking them.
8. Feminism is wrong because men work harder
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Feminism isn’t about giving women privileges and rewards that they don’t deserve, like higher pay than men in the workplace or job opportunities without merit. It’s about leveling the already present gap that women are facing only because of their gender.
Of course, it’s much deeper than selecting “woman” on a job application that puts them at a disadvantage in these spaces. Much of the discrimination and many of the obstacles women face in the workplace, for example, are rooted in deeper issues.
They are disproportionately judged for being assertive, while their male counterparts are celebrated. They are over-policed for what they wear and how they present themselves physically. They are also more likely to experience subtle microaggressions that leave them feeling vulnerable.
It’s more nuanced and deeper than “men work harder,” which is why this is one of the beliefs so many men have about feminism that prevents them from being good husbands.
9. Men are better suited for leadership
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According to a study from the University of Buffalo, men are more likely to be perceived as leaders than women, but they’re not exactly more equipped to be true leaders. In fact, a slew of research studies actually argue that workplaces and personal dynamics with female leadership are more likely to thrive. However, feminism doesn’t aim to put all women in leadership positions regardless of merit. It simply lessens the obstacles and gap they face when competing or working with men.
There are more male leaders in the workplace and more myths about their success because of gender stereotypes. They’re praised for being assertive and sometimes aggressive, while women are punished. The same is true for dress codes, attitudes, appearance, and empathy — men are celebrated, women are demeaned.
So, it’s a myth that gender alone predicts a person’s predisposition for leadership success or dominance, which is why husbands who adopt this belief without question often hold their wives back from true support and success.
10. Feminism rejects masculinity
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While feminist principles and mindsets do acknowledge the ways that toxic patriarchal ideas about masculinity negatively impact both men and women, it’s not a matter of dispelling masculine identities in their entirety. They simply aim to make shifts in masculinity less problematic, separating ideas of superiority, dominance, and control from masculinity to make room for truly supportive and empowering identities. Of course, there’s also the gender binary to consider.
Women are often punished for adopting masculine identities and self-expression in similar ways to men who adopt feminine ones. Feminism also works to dispel the idea that men need to be masculine and vice versa.
11. Feminism is just a fad
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While feminist identities, discourse, and beliefs may subtly change as new generations adopt them and societal norms shift, the idea that feminism is “just a fad” is one of the beliefs many men have that prevents them from being good husbands. They don’t educate themselves, dive deeper into feminist rhetoric, or support their wives in learning about feminism themselves, because they believe it’s over-hyped, a fad, or a trend that doesn’t mean anything.
However, feminism can be empowering and beneficial to all relationships and individuals, which is why this kind of belief tends to harm everyone who holds it. Look back at the late 1970s, when feminist changes shifted attitudes about working women and motherhood, or Pew Research studies that argue nearly 70% of women view their feminist identities as “empowering.”
This movement and these ideas mean something, especially to women, and they’re important to acknowledge.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
