Woman Admits She ‘Gets Sad’ Every Time She Looks At The Engagement Ring Her Fiancé Spent 3 Months Designing
If they can't talk openly about this, they're in for a rude awakening in their marriage.
J.S. PHOTOSSTOCK | Shutterstock According to research, almost one in four men find engagement ring shopping more stressful than the proposal itself. So it's no wonder why one woman who found herself in the situation of absolutely hating the engagement ring her fiancé not only proposed with but spent three months designing himself was at a loss for what to do.
It's easy to see complaining about an engagement ring as entitled, first-world problems whining until you consider the fact that a woman is expected to wear it every day for the rest of her life. Okay, it's still very much a first-world problem, but a real one nonetheless. It's important to like something you have to spend that much time wearing!
For one bride on Reddit, her engagement ring has left her shocked, not only because she didn't expect to be proposed to in the first place, but because the ring is miles outside the bounds of her taste. And she has no idea what to do about it.
The bride hates the custom-made engagement ring her fiancé surprised her with.
The element of surprise may be the highlight of romance in basically every romcom that has ever existed, but there is a reason why spontaneity has mostly left the proposal tradition. Not only does it put all kinds of pressure on the person being proposed to, but they often end up with a ring that… well, doesn't quite do it.
That's why it's become standard practice to not only consult a bride-to-be's friends for input on what ring to buy, but often to remove all the romance from the deal entirely and just go ring-shopping together as a couple.
suzyoliveira from Getty Images Signature | Canva
This bride's fiancé, however, is clearly the sentimental sort. He made the entire thing a huge surprise, so much so that the bride described it as having been "blindsided" by his proposal. Thankfully, she said yes. But there's just one problem: As she put it in her Reddit post, "I am so grateful for the gesture, but I hate the ring."
The ring is the 'total opposite' of what she would have picked, and she doesn't know how to tell him.
It's easy to scoff at this woman because the ring in question could probably buy a house in some parts of the country. It is enormous and full of so many diamonds that it's hard to imagine it costs less than six figures, assuming those diamonds are real.
It's also custom-made. Her fiancé designed it himself during a three-month collaboration process with the jeweler. The problem is, it's custom-made to his specifications, not hers. "It’s so not me," she wrote. Everything about it is wrong. "The round shape, halo, the pave band. I would’ve chosen the total opposite."
Reddit | Canva Pro
Nevertheless, she's tried to be a sport about it. "I thought it would grow on me. I gave it a week," she said. "I get sad every time I look at it." This is probably because it looks like the gaudy dreck that would come in a little girl's dress-up kit, but that's just one person's (completely correct) opinion.
Understandably, she's disappointed and upset that he didn't even ask for her friends' input on what kind of ring she'd want, let alone hers. But she also doesn't want to hurt her fiancé's feelings. "I pretend being happy every time he mentions how 'beautiful' the ring is," she wrote. "Should I suffer in silence?"
If they aren't able to work through this issue, it doesn't bode well for their marriage.
We've all been in a situation like this, where we know that to own up to how disappointed we are would crush someone's feelings. Fortunately, most of the time it's about something easy to dismiss, like a bad Christmas gift or something.
An engagement ring is a different ball of wax, of course. Not only do you have to wear it forever, but it's a symbol of your commitment to each other. It's kind of a big deal, even if it's a material thing. And "big deals" are what put relationships to the test, the things that separate the wheat from the chaff, if you will.
In short, if she isn't able to sit down and have a conversation about this and work through it with her fiancé, even if it hurts his feelings? Boy, are they in trouble, because the simple fact of not just relationships but life in general is that sooner or later, a conflict much more important than this one is going to come along. Not being able to navigate them is the death knell for any relationship.
It certainly isn't easy, but it's ultimately about trusting both yourself and your partner. "Suffering in silence" is not only dishonest, but it robs her fiancé of an opportunity to make it right. It also robs her of an opportunity for an important lesson, too. If his ego is too big for him to handle this issue, she is in for a rude awakening down the road in their marriage when they're faced with an actual problem.
It's vulnerable work for both of them, and vulnerability is almost always uncomfortable. But they'll both be better off in the long run, even if it goes badly, because it's better to find out now that you're in a relationship with someone you can't trust to hear you out than find out the hard way down the road when something much bigger goes wrong.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
