7 Ways People Block Their Own Inner Brilliance Without Even Realizing It
Instead of subconsciously letting others guide you, make your dreams into reality.
Domenico Fornas | Canva It's not unusual for people to downplay their own brilliance. Too often, we tone ourselves down to fit in, choosing belonging over standing out, conformity over authenticity. But dimming our inner brilliance limits or prevents personal growth and we often do this without realizing we do it.
Your creativity, self-belief, and determination to follow through set you apart from those who lack both vision and drive. However, in the absence of growth, even the most powerful ideas can wither, becoming echoes of what they once were. This can sometimes be difficult to spot as it happens, but there are some examples you can catch early.
1. Neglecting to set healthy boundaries
Neglecting to set healthy boundaries can have serious consequences, including emotional burnout, strained relationships, diminished self-esteem, and even physical health problems.
Boundaries are not just a form of self-respect, research has made clear that they’re essential for mental well-being, as well as for making and maintaining healthy connections.
2. Nurturing toxic connections and stalling self-development
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Establishing and maintaining unhealthy relationships while neglecting personal growth can have serious effects on emotional health, self-esteem, and overall well-being. These patterns often lead to burnout and hinder the development of self-awareness and healthy connections.
Fortunately, establishing healthy boundaries and becoming more aware of the patterns at work in your connections can help break this cycle.
3. Believing life happens to you, not because of you
Being trapped in a limiting mindset — where life feels like it happens to you instead of because of you — can stall progress and drain motivation. Breaking free requires reconnecting with your purpose, values, and recognizing the internal patterns that keep you stuck.
Getting stuck in your head can make it feel like life’s out of your control. But you’re not just a passenger. Reconnect with your ‘why,’ notice what’s keeping you stuck, and start moving with intention.
4. Talking yourself out of going after things you care about
Second-guessing and using negative self-talk can diminish your motivation and erode self-confidence. According to research done in an athletic setting, the effects of positive self-talk on performance are striking enough that researchers recommend all coaches teach and encourage positive self-talk.
Shifting negative self-talk and focusing on potential success rather than failure can help break the cycle of overthinking and inaction. It may also improve performance in the areas you care most about, allowing your true inner brilliance to develop.
5. Measuring yourself against someone else's journey
Comparing your path to someone else's can damage your self-esteem and trigger stress responses in the brain. Instead, focus on your individual growth, honor your progress, and set goals rooted in your own values.
If you struggle to do this, try writing some daily goals or asking yourself specific, goal-oriented questions in a journal, and then reviewing them at the end of a specific time period (end of the day, week or even month) to see how you're progressing. That way, you're comparing yourself against your own goals, not any one else's progress.
6. Silencing yourself when you feel strongest
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For some reason, peole are tempted to silence themselves at the exact moments their words could make the biggest difference. Sadly, suppressing your thoughts, emotions, and ideas can negatively impact your mental and social well-being, as well as your physical health. A study that followed up with more than 700 people after 12 years discovered that "[e]motion suppression may convey risk for earlier death, including death from cancer."
Emotional expression is essential for personal growth and overall health. Seeking support when needed is a key part of maintaining balance. Studies show that engaging in positive self-talk can enhance mental performance, including focus and visual processing. People who use positive self-talk rather than negative self-talk tend to feel more confident and less anxious, clearing way for their inner brilliance to shine through.
7. Conforming to social expectations that perpetuate self-defeating behaviors
Adapting to societal norms that reinforce self-sabotaging patterns can cause individuals to suppress their authentic selves, stifle growth, lead to internal conflict, emotional strain, and identity confusion. These behaviors are often rooted in unresolved feelings like anger, anxiety, or low self-worth.
Taking care of your brilliance matters. It’s how you tap into what makes you different and allow those differences to become your strength.
Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford is a psychologist who focuses on relationships, dating, and personality issues, as well as a Certified Relationship Specialist with Diplomate Status and an expert with the American Psychotherapy Association.
