12 Signs Of A Man Who Says He's Fine But Is Really Falling Apart Emotionally

Considering men tend to struggle with expressing vulnerability and seeking out support when they're struggling mentally, according to a study from the American Journal of Men's Health, it's not surprising that their emotional adversities tend to go consistently overlooked — on a societal level, and sometimes, on a more personal one. Battling expectations and pressures from society to uphold a misguided type of masculinity, they resort toward emotional suppression and lack vulnerability to cope with mental turmoil, when the true nature of healing lies in open communication and connection.

By recognizing the signs of a man who says he's fine but is really falling apart emotionally — that tend to manifest in unique ways, depending on the person — people in relationships or environments with these men can urge them toward the connection, empathy, and vulnerability they need to thrive. Of course, there's a kind of personal choice and autonomy needed to make a step in the right direction, but social and interpersonal support can be the perfect stepping stone toward a better, more balanced state of mind.

Here are 12 signs of a man who says he's fine but is really falling apart emotionally

1. He's quick to anger

quick to anger man about to yell at his partner simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock

Irritability can often manifest quickly when someone's struggling internally. Whether it's anxiety, unresolved trauma, or chronic stress, our brain can only handle so much emotional turmoil and stimulation. So, in an argument, irritability or a man who's quick to anger may be battling more than what meets the eye.

If someone reacts strongly to seemingly simple things, gets angry immediately in an argument, or is irritable throughout the day, chances are it's nothing personal — they may just be falling apart emotionally and putting all their energy into mediating that chaos, whether they realize it or not.

2. He's withdrawing from friends

lonely man withdrawing from friends looking at phone Kleber Cordeiro | Shutterstock

According to psychotherapist Ivy Kwong, social withdrawal isn't uncommon for people struggling with mental illness and internal turmoil. Dealing with constant stimulation, anxiety, or negativity in your head can make social interactions and conversations feel overwhelming and exhausting.

If you notice a man in your life has been actively withdrawing from you or their close circle of friends, family, and peers, that's not something to be hastily overlooked. It could be chronic stress, anxiety, or fear, but it could also be one of the signs of a man who says he's fine but is really falling apart emotionally.

3. He doesn't find time for hobbies anymore

lonely man not dedicating time to his hobbies sitting alone and sad Ground Picture | Shutterstock

Sometimes, when anyone is emotionally struggling and battling emotional turmoil, they're less likely to exert energy on the things they once found enjoyable. From finding time to see friends, to spending time on hobbies and passions, and even talking with their partners at the end of a long day, one of the signs of a man who says he's fine but is really falling apart emotionally is their lack of enthusiasm and engagement.

At first, this sign might feel personal or even like a "red flag." Especially in a relationship, feeling a lack of engagement or excitement from your partner can spark all kinds of emotions and uncomfortable feelings. However, coupled with open communication, grace, and empathy, anyone can start to heal from emotional turmoil by starting to make time for hobbies and alone time that generally adds value to their life.

4. He's overworking himself

stressed out man overworking himself in an office Panitanphoto | Shutterstock

While it's true that occasional distraction, like getting lost in a work project or scrolling through our phones, can sometimes be "life-saving" in the face of unresolved trauma and emotional turmoil, according to psychotherapist Nicholas Balaisis, PhD, letting it spiral into constant avoidance is one of the signs of someone who's deeply struggling.

Men who overwork themselves as a distraction on a regular basis aren't just isolating themselves from restful energy, better sleep routines, and a balanced mental state— they're avoiding the root cause of their need for distraction, whether it's mental illness, a toxic relationship, or emotional turmoil.

In many cases, this behavior is completely subconscious, especially for men who have been taught that they need to be a "provider" or a "work horse" to be worthy of appreciation and praise. Of course, the kind of masculinity that society upholds for men generally does them no favors, contributing to their struggles with meaningful relationships and true emotional intelligence.

5. He avoids conflict

stressed man avoiding conflict sitting alone at home Prostock-studio | Shutterstock

To cope with the emotional turmoil of their inner monologue, criticism, or unresolved trauma, it's not uncommon for men struggling with their mental health to avoid conflict in their relationships.

Whether it's growing avoidant with leadership at work, hastily resolving conversations and arguments with a partner, or completely ignoring their responsibilities in their personal routines, it's much more comfortable — on a short-term basis — to "fix" discomfort with avoidance.

While avoidant tendencies are sometimes a behavior meant to assist toxic or insecure people in avoiding accountability, like psychotherapist Erin Leonard, PhD suggests, that's not necessarily the case in this scenario.

Rather than avoiding taking responsibility for their mistakes, they may misguidedly take accountability, trying to shut down arguments and avoid discomfort at all costs.

6. He uses humor to cope

sad man using humor to cope with emotional struggles Prostock-studio | Shutterstock

While humor can be beneficial for diffusing stressful conversations and mediating tension during emotional interactions, there's a time and place for jokes. When someone is overly reliant on dark humor or jokes, especially at their own expense, to avoid emotions and vulnerability, chances are they're dealing with some deep-seating insecurity or emotional turmoil.

Humor has the opportunity to further isolate struggling people from seeking out the guidance and support they deserve, so it's important — especially as a close friend, family member, or partner — to recognize this as one of the signs of a man who says he's fine but is really falling apart emotionally on the inside.

7. His daily routine has drastically changed

sad lonely man looking at phone F01 Photo | Shutterstock

From sleep pattern changes, to a shift in diet or appetite, or even avoiding things they enjoyed before like hobbies and interests, a drastic alteration to daily routines is one of the signs of a man who says he's fine but is really falling apart emotionally.

We find comfort, clarity, and stability in a solid routine, even if it's just avoiding our phones in the morning or eating three meals a day. When we start to sacrifice those pillars for the sake of temporary comfort or avoidance, we're not only overlooking the productivity we might otherwise achieve or social connections that require our energy, but our own emotional well-being and personal health as well.

8. He speaks negatively about himself

man with friend group sitting alone thinking about himself negatively MAYA LAB | Shutterstock

When a person is constantly making jokes at their own expense, comparing themselves to others, seeking external validation, or speaking negatively about themselves, it's typically rooted in insecurity or low self-worth. However, these feelings of uncertainty and self-doubt can also stem from other mental and emotional struggles, like unresolved trauma, depression, or anxiety.

If you notice a man in your life is constantly putting himself down or trying to live up to unrealistic expectations, chances are they could be falling apart emotionally inside. Whether it's a cycle of disappointment failing to live up to the toxic standards society sets for them or an internal problem of emotional regulation and distress, this can be one of the more noticeable signs of a man who says he's fine but is really struggling inside.

9. His productivity declines

stressed man noticing his productivity declining OPOLJA | Shutterstock

Whether it's in the workplace or at home, chronic stress and emotional turmoil can sometimes lead to changes in productivity and engagement, according to psychiatrist Smitha Bhandari. Of course, a big workload, burnout, or overwhelming responsibilities can contribute to the feelings of falling apart emotionally, but it can also be a symptom of an already prevalent issue.

If someone is already dealing with mental illness, anxiety, or emotional turmoil, they're less likely to have the energy and enthusiasm to excel at work or be fully present in their relationships. It's one of the more common signs of a man who says he's fine but is really falling apart emotionally, but also difficult to truly acknowledge and address.

10. He always seems tired

very tired man struggling to get out of bed amenic181 | Shutterstock

According to a study published in Innovations in Clinical Neuroscience, it's not uncommon for people struggling emotionally with illnesses like depression or even social isolation to feel more fatigued and exhausted during the day.

Whether it's struggling to focus on tasks at work, being unable to multitask or concentrate on responsibilities at home, or even resorting to irritability and anger faster in arguments, emotional turmoil can quickly take over and spark cognitive disarray.

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11. He has no future plans

man with no future plans holding his head in his hands Prostock-studio | Shutterstock

People exerting tons of energy trying to cope with their present emotional struggles generally have a hard time making future plans or having conversations about the future. They feel overwhelmed by the energy and turmoil in their lives currently, so trying to envision themselves dealing with future struggles or life changes can feel more intense than it needs to be.

Whether you're a leader at work or a man's partner at home, recognizing this as a symptom of emotional turmoil can encourage more empathetic communication and grace.

12. He over-explains himself

man over-explaining himself talking on the phone fizkes | Shutterstock

Whether it's to avoid conflict or cope with internal self-doubt, one of the common signs of a man who says he's fine but is really falling apart emotionally is always feeling the need to over-explain himself.

Whether it's endless apologies for a resolved issue or feeling drawn toward over-explaining themselves when they make a mistake, people battling emotional turmoil generally face internal consequences to their self-esteem that urges them toward these behaviors.

Whether it's a defense mechanism or a desire to prove worthiness in a relationship, this behavior can be detrimental to emotional well-being, encouraging people to avoid vulnerability, true connections, and healthy coping mechanisms for their already present struggles.

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.