If A Man Doesn't Do These 10 Things, He Doesn't Love You As Much As You Deserve
You deserve someone who makes you feel loved, not someone who makes you question your worth to them.
LightField Studios | Shutterstock Love shouldn't have you ever second-guessing, or leave you confused and questioning your worth. Instead, it should be obvious. Someone shouldn't have to think twice about making sure you feel seen and heard, but also valued, validated, and loved out loud. At its core, a healthy and strong relationship should bring you clarity. Men who are serious about loving you will often go above and beyond to make sure that you aren't ever left wondering where you stand.
They will have clear actions, intentions, and consistency. But if a man doesn't do these things, he doesn't love you as much as you deserve. If he's not doing certain fundamental things that are important for you to have in a relationship, he's showing you that he's either not ready for a relationship that requires effort or he's simply not the right person for you. And someone who doesn't choose you fully is someone that doesn't love you in the way that you deserve to be loved.
If a man doesn't do these 10 things, he doesn't love you as much as you deserve
1. He doesn't listen when you speak
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When a man truly loves and cares about you, he'll be interested in knowing everything about you. Even if you're talking about something as mundane as the grocery store not having any of the usual granola that you buy, or how you had to circle the block three times trying to find a parking space before work, he should still be listening with rapt attention.
Listening is not just about being heard, but about showing your partner that you respect them and want to be truly present with them. As social psychologist Amie M. Gordon explained, "One way to build intimacy in your relationship is by sharing your thoughts and feelings with each other and then responding to those disclosures in a way that makes you both feel good."
She continued, "Being a responsive partner, and feeling like your partner is responsive to you, is really at the core of good communication and closeness. When you feel like your partner really gets you, you feel like nothing else matters."
2. He doesn't express affection
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Even if it's something small as a little touch here and there, or even small gestures that show he's been thinking about you throughout the day, these are appreciated and needed in a relationship. It doesn't have to be some grand romantic display, but everyday actions can make the biggest difference.
Research published in Affective Science has shown that affection has been linked to greater relationship satisfaction. Whether it's a kiss goodbye before he leaves the house for the day, or sending you a sweet yet thoughtful message when he knows that you may have had a bad day, these are things that prove how much a man loves you.
It's the little things that he does that can show how much he cherishes having you in his life. And he should never find it exhausting if you demand this kind of treatment because it's really not asking for too much.
3. He doesn't defend you
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If someone is being disrespectful towards you when he's around, or if he's the one speaking badly about you, he's simply not the person for you. A man who acts like this is indicating that he doesn't love you as much as you deserve.
Relationships and love are all about loyalty. It doesn't just mean not stepping out on your partner, but also just having their back. A man who truly loves you will defend your reputation when you're not in the room and will immediately speak up about anyone who oversteps boundaries.
It's not about staying silent and allowing someone to treat someone you love poorly. If he's someone who just laughs off disparaging comments or doesn't find anything wrong with how people talk about you when it clearly bothers you, it's a glaring red sign that something is wrong.
4. He doesn't communicate honestly
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Honest communication is something that you simply can't avoid when it comes to having a healthy and dynamic relationship. If a man loves you, he will be able to share his thoughts, feelings, and intentions clearly, even if he finds it difficult to be vulnerable and open because, at the end of the day, he still loves you and wants to be with you.
If he's someone who doesn't think twice about hiding things, or gives vague responses when asked to clarify something, he's refusing to put effort into the connection. And by not communicating openly with you, it's a bad sign that he doesn't love you as much as you deserve.
"Effective communication brings about several significant benefits that contribute to the strength and longevity of the relationship. Honest and heartfelt communication fosters intimacy and emotional closeness. When individuals feel safe and heard when expressing their innermost thoughts and feelings, they develop a deeper sense of connection and trust with their relationship," explained clinical psychotherapist Padraic Gibson.
5. He doesn't remember things that matter to you
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One of the clearest signs that a man doesn't love you as much as you deserve is if he can't remember details about your life and interests that you've spent time telling him about. If a man is able to remember the weird food combination that you can't help but like or the movie you rewatched a lot as a kid, he's showing you how much he's paying attention and that he values learning about all the little quirks that make you, you.
However, if he's constantly forgetting things that matter deeply to you, he's not only refusing to put in the bare minimum that it takes to remember details about someone that you should love but he's showing a lack of respect for you as well.
"Relationships thrive on appropriate remembering. Just as forgetting implies a lack of caring, remembering affirms that we care. Recalling past events spent together and remembering consequential events in our partner's life show that we value our relationship and our partner's concerns," cognitive psychology professor Robert N. Kraft pointed out.
6. He doesn't respect your boundaries
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A man who truly loves you won't just walk all over your boundaries for the fun of it, but knows that respecting personal space and honoring feelings are essential components of being able to build a healthy relationship and show someone how much you love and value them.
According to clinical psychologists Chandra Khalifian and Kayla Knopp, "Boundaries certainly protect our own individual well-being, but they also protect and nourish our relationships with others. Upholding our boundaries allows us to build trust in ourselves so that we can keep ourselves safe, regardless of what other people say or do."
"And this sense of safety, in turn, allows us to take the risk of being vulnerable in connection with others. And vulnerability is the key ingredient to being open, authentic, and intimate with the people we care most about," they added.
Even if a man might not necessarily agree with every boundary that's set, he understands that they're there to make you feel comfortable and seen, so he'll abide by them without question or complaint.
7. He doesn't put effort in with the people you care about
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If a man doesn't want to take the time to get to know your family or friends, it's a clear indication that he doesn't value wanting to build a future with you, and that he's also just not fully invested.
You deserve someone who wants to connect with the people in your life and get to know them because he knows how important they are to you. He shouldn't be ignoring your friends when they're in the room or refusing to make an effort with your family.
Blending lives with your significant other speaks volumes about his commitment and readiness to take the next steps with you. A man who is serious about you will naturally just want to see the kinds of people that you surround yourself with and get to know them.
8. He doesn't check in on you
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If a man can go all day without a simple text or phone call, or if he refuses to make plans to see you after it's been a while, that might be a sign that he's not fully invested or willing to be consistent.
Someone who loves you will want to know what you're up to. They'll be eager to know about your day when you're not around them, and they'll make an effort to always stay connected. Research has long maintained the importance of providing support in a relationship, whether it's during times of need or checking in just because.
For example, one study from Brain, Behavior, and Immunity found that the willingness to offer support can greatly influence and affect the other person's health, specifically lowering chronic inflammation in study participants.
So, even if it's through small gestures, a man who loves you wants to show you that you're always on his mind and that they genuinely care about building a steady connection with you. He won't leave you second-guessing or wondering where you stand with him.
9. He doesn't try to fix things after a fight
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While having arguments and disagreements are a natural part of a relationship, it's about how you handle resolving things once the conflict is over. If a man is willing to walk away while you're still upset, give you the silent treatment, or just has no interest in patching things up, he's clearly not interested in a lasting connection with you.
A man who truly loves and cares about you will be able to put his ego and pride to the side to make things right after any sort of conflict. He's showing that he's not interested in being right if it means not being close to you.
10. He doesn't make you feel wanted
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If you find yourself in a relationship with a man who routinely makes you question your worth and wonder if he truly values you, it's a major red flag that you're not being loved the way you deserve.
According to relationship expert and writer Morgan Mandriota, "Research has found people feel loved in relationships when they get positive responses from their partner, feel authentically connected, and when these responses are consistent over time and across situations. In other words, we feel wanted and loved when our partners express their feelings and show up for us on the regular."
When a man truly loves you, he should make it known that he feels proud to have you in his life. He'll brag about you to his family and friends, he'll be excited to spend time with you, and he's interested in being able to deepen the bond he has with you.
If his behavior is becoming distant or cold, it's a painful sign that he's not the man for you. Because the truth of the matter is, he shouldn't ever make you question the place that you have in his life or if he even likes you in the first place.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
