People Who Had Really Good Parents Growing Up Rarely Say These 11 Phrases As Adults
Inside Creative House | Shutterstock Many of us have come to terms with the fact that our parents and childhood experiences strongly shape our well-being as adults. Beyond giving us the tools we need to cultivate a happy life, our parents also teach us how to connect with others and communicate our needs. Knowing how to talk to people is a critical life skill, and knowing what not to say can be just as important, so if you refuse to say these phrases, your parents probably did a great job raising you.
People who had really good parents growing up rarely say these phrases as adults:
1. ‘I can’t’
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According to Dr. Laurie Santos, instructor of Yale’s most popular happiness course, cultivating the mindset that failure is an opportunity for growth is fundamental to personal development in adulthood. While it’s not an excuse to constantly seek failure by any means, this idea helps successful, confident people avoid relying on phrases like “I can’t” or “I failed” to avoid the discomfort needed for growth.
We learn from experiences we’ve never had before. By challenging ourselves to do something we know we’re not suited to or capable of, we learn to embrace discomfort and even meet new people. Your parents did a great job raising you if you refuse to say you can't do something — not just because you learned to thrive amid uncertainty from a young age, but also because you’re likely comfortable embracing challenge in adulthood.
2. ‘That’s embarrassing’
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Embarrassment holds many people back in their daily lives, as it’s linked to intense emotions that can feel debilitating, like shame and guilt. It pushes us to consider the “what-ifs” and compare ourselves to others, so it can be hard to learn that embarrassment doesn’t have to control your life in adulthood; it can be a choice.
Just like learning to be comfortable with discomfort, great parents encourage their children to be empathetic and socially attentive, focusing on engagement with others in conversations or interactions they might’ve anxiously avoided. According to experts at Psychology Today, embarrassment usually occurs when you worry too much about what others think of you. However, when you focus less on yourself and more on listening and being attentive to others in these situations, you avoid wallowing in insecurity and anxiety.
3. ‘I don’t need help’
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The same social norms and gender stereotypes that hold people back from asking for help or encourage them to operate from a hyper-independent mindset are often taught and reinforced by their parents early in life. Your parents did a great job raising you if you refuse to say you don't need help, because not only did they encourage you to seek support when you need it, but they also helped you develop a secure sense of self-worth that knows that shouldering everything on your own isn't only unhealthy; it's impossible.
4. ‘I don’t want to be a burden’
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Many insecure adults with low self-esteem rely on phrases like this to justify isolating habits. Rather than ask for help or set boundaries, they retreat and avoid vulnerability, pushing away complex emotions in ways that can harm their mental health.
Even in places like the workplace, adults who adopt toxic phrases like this one are much less likely to seek support, from minuscule tasks to more significant ones like bullying, as a study from the Atlantic Journal of Communication found. Great parents don’t just build their children’s self-esteem by encouraging them to ask for help; they also reinforce the belief that they’re worthy of taking up space and seeking support when they need it.
5. ‘You’re being dramatic’
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According to psychologist Hal Shorey, parents who consistently dismiss their children’s emotions often use phrases like this. While it may seem harmless, this phrase follows kids into adulthood, undermining their future relationships and self-esteem.
Great parents take the time to empower their children, cultivating a safe space for them to communicate without criticism or judgment. In adulthood, phrases like “you’re so dramatic” or “you’re overreacting” are a form of gaslighting. Even when it’s uncomfortable, people in the healthiest relationships — both with themselves and others — take the time to acknowledge and support other people’s feelings, not dismiss them.
6. ‘That’s impossible’
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Great parents teach their kids confidence in many productive ways, but many of these tactics hinge on one simple principle, according to Mayo Clinic Health System experts: your self-worth depends on who you are, not what you do. By reminding kids that they can thrive even in the face of challenge or perceived failure, they don’t default to phrases like “It’s impossible” to avoid situations that can lead to growth. Your parents did a great job raising you if you refuse to say phrases like this, considering you’re more likely to seek challenges that encourage you to grow as a person, even if it's far beyond your comfort zone.
7. ‘That’s not what happened’
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Clinical psychologist Daniel S. Lobel suggested that kids who grow up with gaslighting parents tend to be overly dependent and insecure later in life, having learned from a young age that they couldn’t trust themselves amid their parents' invalidating comments. In some cases, it’s these same struggling kids that repeat the cycle of gaslighting and manipulative behavior in their relationships later in life.
8. ‘I’m not motivated enough’
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According to author and podcast host Mel Robbins, practicing self-discipline means you do something even when you don’t feel motivated. By learning to set aside your limiting beliefs, like “I’m too tired” or “I’ll get to it later," you can free yourself from the confines of stagnation. Great parents teach their kids self-discipline from a young age, modeling this behavior and encouraging them to build routines that strengthen their confidence and self-esteem.
9. ‘I told you so’
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While it might feel reassuring in the moment, that instant "I told you so" satisfaction doesn't build healthy relationships or positive connections. Phrases like this encourage others to feel invalidated and dismissed for speaking up or expressing their opinions in the first place.
10. ‘That’s not my problem’
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Avoiding accountability can take many forms, and people often use a phrase like this to do it. By avoiding uncomfortable situations and suggesting you don’t “owe anything” to anyone, you not only sabotage your own growth but also isolate yourself, too. Self-awareness and compassion are two traits great parents instill in their kids from a young age, encouraging them to go out of their way to support and help others, rather than kicking the can down the road.
11. ‘It is what it is’
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You control your reactions; that's a lesson great parents teach their kids from a young age. While it’s impossible to control the chaos and uncertainty of life — from loss to heartbreak and the decisions of others — it’s always within your power to control your responses. Great parents don’t teach their kids to rely on excuses like “it is what it is” to avoid taking accountability. Instead, they build self-confidence and self-esteem that motivate them to be more intentional in adulthood.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies, focusing on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
