Men Who Treat You Like Their Emotional Life Raft Usually Do These 14 Clingy Things Pretty Early On
Мария Волк | Unsplash Lots of people hide their true selves. A clingy boyfriend might manipulate you with jealousy, leading you to say and do things you wouldn't normally do. You mustn't let anything get past you. So, make it known you are onto them and you will not stand to be played with.
You have to address these behaviors immediately. You really don't want to get to the point where you cannot escape or get out of the situation. Always protect yourself, and if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
Men who treat you like their emotional life raft usually do these 14 clingy things pretty early on:
1. He's pushy
When your significant other starts getting really pushy about things and you have shut them down repeatedly, but they cannot seem to stop bringing it up, then that can be a red flag.
No matter the situation, they should respect your decision and be OK with it. They should understand what you want and not be mad with you for making a decision against something you are uncomfortable with.
2. He makes a big deal when plans change
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If your partner cannot accept that circumstances out of your control cause you to postpone your date, they might not be right for you. A first step can be opening a discussion about the behaviors you are concerned are causing harm.
"Explain your concerns in advance to avoid their feeling side-swiped and to promote trust," advised career consultant Ruth Schimel, PhD. "Be prepared to discuss both of your feelings, results you would like to see, a reasonable timeline in which you would like changes to take effect, and what the consequences will be if these changes do not happen."
3. He polices your social media
Policing a partner's behavior is never a good sign. But, when they become super obsessed with what you are and are not posting on social media, that can be a warning sign because you don't want them to read into something that isn't there.
"If your partner feels he needs to use this, there might be a problem with communication. Perhaps you have missed something," cautioned couples counselor Lianna Avila. "Or, your partner is holding something in. This is a great time to talk about things and get a better understanding of what a relationship means to your partner."
4. He blows up your phone
If your partner is so insecure about you that they need to send multiple texts before you answer, it can be a major warning sign that they are super clingy and need way more attention than you want to give.
Avila also recommended, "Setting boundaries is one of the best things you can do for your mental health. You have been taught to put others first — but this comes with a cost. Meaning, your mental health will eventually suffer. It's true, you can't take care of anyone else until you have taken care of yourself. So, stop feeling guilty about it, and make yourself a priority."
5. He's passive-aggressive
When they start making passive-aggressive posts and status updates without mentioning you exactly by name, they are probably hoping you will see it and ask about it. This is a red flag because they should not feel like they cannot talk to you about everything directly.
6. He tries to make you jealous
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It's like partners who are super clingy try and make you feel horrible about yourself and jealous, so they can have a confidence boost because they are purposefully making you want them.
Marriage and family therapist Marni Feuerman added, "Emotions are at the core of our decisions about whether to stay in a relationship with someone. We all disregard logic and facts when we are caught up in the intoxication that love can create. It happens the most to good people who want to see the best in others and have difficulty believing that someone can be so cruel."
7. He makes you choose between him and the other people in your life
If someone forces that ultimatum upon you, always choose your family and friends over someone. Never let someone put you in a situation where there is an ultimatum. If they genuinely care about you, they will accept your family and friends, not take everyone away from you to get you alone and dependent on only them.
8. He asks you to cut off contact with friends
The major reason they will use to stop you from hanging out with your friends is that they think your friends will try to sleep with you. So, they are just trying to get you all to themselves.
"Many emotional abusers go out of their way to make sure their victims are alienated from their loved ones because doing so gives them more control," explained life coach Mitzi Bockmann. "As a result, loved ones — and the support they offer — are cut off from their abused family member, which only makes you more vulnerable to emotional abuse."
9. He acts like a strict parent
This usually happens when they try to forbid you or keep you from doing things you like. You want truth and honesty, and if they are trying to play with you or take advantage of you, you need to walk away.
No matter how much you care for them, you have to take care of yourself and be careful of other people. Some people have sinister reasons why they do things, so you have to be aware of what could happen.
10. The relationship moves at an unusually quick pace
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If your partner brings up having kids together before you declare your love for each other or start discussing moving in right away, it's a major red flag. Moving too quickly can mean they are trying to hook you, so you have to stay.
"An emotional hook occurs when someone uses shame and manipulation tactics to destabilize another’s self-esteem and knock them off of their center," warned relationship coach Mark Groves. "An emotional hook can come in many forms, from exploiting one’s tender spots to gaslighting, blackmailing, love-bombing, objectification, withholding, martyrdom, judgment, and/or using a moral high ground to create a pseudo-hierarchy and power dynamic within a relationship."
11. He keeps you from seeing your friends
Keeping you from seeing your friends is a major warning sign because they want to separate you from the people in your life so they can have you all to themself. Isolation is damaging to your well-being and is a clear sign that a change must happen.
Psychologist Elvira Aletta explained, "I've counseled a lot of women who came to me to help them get unstuck from a hurtful relationship. Once they took the leap and faced their fears, they found the power to break up a bad relationship for good. The result? A whole new level of happiness and pride because the engine of their self-worth is fueled — not from the outside in, but from the inside out.
12. He seems too perfect
If they seem too good to be true, then that means they probably are. Always be cautious because they are probably hiding a side that may be unsavory.
"Any time you date a man who’s so good at masking his flaws," added dating coach D. Ivan Young, "you need to ask yourself what else he's hiding. I recommend two things: First, be that which you seek. Second, be wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove. In other words, real love does exist. There is somebody for everybody, but when it’s too good, it ain’t true. There’s no such thing as the perfect man."
13. He doesn't let things go
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Sometimes people mess up. We are human. So, we have to be able to forgive and move on.
If your significant other keeps throwing your mistakes in your face and assumes the worst, it can mean their insecurities are at a high level. It may be a bit too much for you to handle, because they can use your past faults to manipulate you in the future.
14. He shows up uninvited
It's normal and healthy in a relationship to spend time apart. If this person just starts appearing out of thin air uninvited, that can be a huge warning sign of insecurity and controlling behavior.
The best thing you can do is address the situation head-on with a real conversation. Life coach Pegi Burdick advised, "I suggest you set boundaries from the beginning." Boundaries are essential in any healthy relationship. Just like you need to have your own life with your own friends and your own hobbies, so does he.
Having a discussion where you talk about your concerns — without outright accusing him of being clingy — might do a lot of good. You can stress how important it is that you need him to be able to trust you, while you need to be empathetic about any concerns he raises.
Burdick adds, "I think in time, his neediness will wear thin. Unless you discuss it with him, it will not change. His insecurities will become very controlling."
However, if he won't stop his clingy behavior, it's time to cut him loose before anything gets more serious. You deserve a happy, healthy relationship where both you and your partner are two whole, complete people who trust each other when you're together and when you're out and about in your individual lives.
That's the key to successfully building a solid foundation for a great romantic future together.
Emily Francos is a writer and book editor for The Urban Writers. She received a Bachelor of Arts in English Literature and French. Her work has been featured on YourTango, Unwritten, and MSN, where she's written about pop culture, relationships, astrology, and trending entertainment and news.
