People Who Slowly Become A Person They Don’t Recognize Anymore Usually Show These 7 Subtle Signs
Dikushin Dmitry | Shutterstock We all look at other people whom we deem as someone we'd never be and roll our eyes at their embarrassing behavior. Sure, we judge, laugh, and agree that we’ll never become someone like her. But what happens when, over time, you slowly realize that you are becoming a person you don't recognize anymore?
It might start with something small, like reading too much into a text or getting upset over something you know isn't a big deal. No one plans to become the kind of person they used to side-eye. Over time, your insecurities and old patterns might end up taking over before you've even realized the shift is happening.
People who slowly become a person they don't recognize anymore usually show these seven sbtle signs:
1. You get bothered by small things that never used to faze you
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Whether it’s feeling intimidated by his spending time with other girls or getting mad at his comments about a fictional character in a movie, this is where it starts. Then, you start creating boundaries that are unrealistic, like limitations on seeing other girls, including your own friends. It’s like every girl is a threat.
When you start getting worked up over tiny things that never used to bother you, it’s often a sign that something deeper is going on. Relationship experts note that secure, emotionally healthy people tend not to focus on every small instance, so sweating the little stuff can be an early clue you’re slipping into insecurities that are driving your actions.
2. You start checking your partner's phone when they leave the room
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Sure, you’d glance over his shoulder from time to time, but now it’s your mission to read his messages or check his camera roll whenever you can. And even when something seems innocent, you still are on high alert in case there’s more to the story. Plus, even when you aren’t on his phone, you’re checking who liked his pictures and who he’s following.
Phone snooping is rooted in a lack of trust, and is linked to emotional instability, more conflict, and a higher chance of breaking up, a 2021 study of 329 married couples found. The thing is, even if you never find anything bad on their phone, the fact that you can't stop looking is already telling you something about where your head is at in this relationship.
3. You get anxious when your partner wants to do things without you
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When in a relationship, you still need to socialize with other people outside of your partnership. If you hate it when he sees his friends or cancels on you to spend time with his family, including a sick family member, then you need to reevaluate your needs. That is not healthy and completely unrealistic!
Getting nervous when your partner wants to hang out with friends or family instead of you is a sign you’re losing yourself in the relationship. International relationship expert Anna Karimo explained that “alone time gives each person time to decompress, to be themselves, and to be secure with their identity outside of the relationship,” which helps you grow as individuals rather than cling to each other.
4. You pick fights (and you're not even sure why)
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Starting pointless fights just to have something to talk about or to get attention isn’t a reason to argue. It’s extremely toxic to randomly cause arguments all the time. When this happens, you automatically look like a crazy girlfriend, no questions asked. What’s even worse is when you lie to get his attention and then create an argument out of it.
Research on attachment styles has found that people who carry a lot of anxiety in their relationships are more likely to start arguments as a way to get reassurance. If you keep blowing up over things that don't matter (and can't figure out why), it probably has less to do with the situation and more to do with something unresolved you're carrying into the relationship.
5. You need constant reassurance
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Even when you know he’s at work or busy, you still panic when you don’t hear back from your partner or if his tone seems a little off. Your mind always brings you to the worst-case scenarios, so then you question him and spam him with questions that need to be answered. You need to let him breathe and understand that his life doesn’t revolve around you.
When you find yourself panicking every time he doesn’t text back and filling his phone with questions, that’s anxiety taking over your thoughts. As psychotherapist Dr. Diane Poole Heller explains, people with anxious attachment often “need constant reassurance and affection to feel okay,” which can end up stressing both you and your partner.
6. Your arguments have started getting more intense than they should
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When arguments start getting physical, it's a line that should never be crossed in any relationship. It doesn't matter how frustrated you are or how heated things get. No version of that behavior is okay. If your fights have started heading in that direction, it's the clearest sign on this list that something needs to change.
Research by renowned American psychologist Dr. John Gottman found that when small disagreements keep turning into full-blown blowouts, it's one of the signs a relationship is heading in a dangerous direction. It usually starts small and builds so gradually that by the time you realize how bad it's gotten, the pattern is already hard to break.
7. You stop being fully honest
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If you've stopped being fully honest about important decisions in your relationship, especially ones that affect both of you, that's worth sitting with for a minute. Making big choices without your partner's input is a sure way to push them further away from you.
I understand that sometimes you have to do these things to make a point or to ease your mind. But most of what’s causing these issues can be solved with a simple conversation where you can clear the air about anything you need or miss. But if you are guilty of doing most of these, you probably don’t trust him as much as you should. If that’s the case, you should really consider dating other people with whom you can be your true self.
Brittany Christopoulos is a writer, journalist, and TV co-host. She's a Senior Writer and Head of Trending News for Unwritten.
