A High IQ Is Nice, But These 5 Life Skills Matter Way More In The Real World
South_agency | Canva My kids are smart. They have a genetic predisposition. I was gifted; their dad was gifted. We had high GPAs. We had high SATs. We had high IQs. (We were also very modest ... wink.) We graduated from college with suma-cum-somethings. We were a parent’s dream ... until we weren't.
After my husband graduated, he couldn’t get a job and had to borrow money from his parents. After I graduated, I became a waitress for five years, living on $1,400 a month. Being good in school, I discovered to my dismay, did not necessarily mean success in the real world. That was a rude awakening. In retrospect, we should have been more focused on these life skills, and trust me, when we eventually had kids, that's exactly what we did.
A high IQ is nice, but these life skills matter way more in the real world:
1. A good work ethic
I thought I could get by on my easy As, my natural charisma, and my smoky speakeasy contralto, but the kids who actually get ahead are the ones who learn early that their intelligence alone isn't what's going to carry them far.
"Highly intelligent kids often show their strengths through little things that come more easily to them, but the ones who turn that intelligence into real success are the ones who pair it with effort. Test scores and college admissions aren't the only things that determine someone's intelligence, and they aren't what determine someone's future, either," life coach Mitzi Bockmann cautioned.
2. A healthy attitude toward rejection
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If my work was rejected, then I was categorically rejected as a human being, my entire existence held no meaning or purpose, and I should just walk into the ocean and never come out again. This also led me not to try my hardest, because if I tried really, really hard and I still failed, my whole family and I would have to walk into the ocean and never walk out.
"People who can take a no without falling apart are the ones who treat rejection as information about a single moment, not as a verdict on who they are. The kids who learn that distinction early grow up able to put themselves out there again and again," explained relationship coach Dina Colada.
3. The ability to withstand boredom
In school, I hated rewriting. I was either brilliant immediately, or I sucked. There was no in-between. Can we say, diva? Nothing worth being good at ever comes out perfect on the first try. Being willing to sit with the trial and error is its own kind of talent.
Personal coach Caroline Maguire explains, "From a developmental perspective, parents should expect resistance to be in full force from their kids, whether they're seven or 17. But a parent's job is to help their kids find their strength when they are resistant and ready to give up. It gives them practice for a set of skills that build resilience, and that is a valuable asset for any child."
4. A sense of humility
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I had none. I could never admit I didn’t know everything. (I do know everything, FYI, in case you were wondering.) I was unwilling to let other people contribute ideas and suggestions, to wonder if there might be a better way than my way. (My way is best. Just remember that.)
"The inability to mentalize, which involves being able to self-reflect and relate to a perspective or mindset other than one's own, can be an obstacle to empathy, connection, and repair, [especially for children]," cautioned psychologist Dr. Lynn Margolies.
5. The grit to keep going
If anything was too hard, it just wasn’t in my skill set, I reasoned. Now I know, regardless of natural talent, I have to work very hard over a long period of time to master anything. I am a genius of chocolate consumption. Add some anti-depressants and the world is my oyster.
My kids are smart. They did well on their state test. But according to the test, they’re not geniuses — but neither was the most successful student in my high school graduating class. He had all five of the requirements for success that I’m still honing today.
Hopefully, my kids will benefit from my learning curve. Then again, if they wait tables, maybe we could get the employee discount?
Shannon Bradley-Colleary is a writer of films, books, and several teenage/young adult journals. She is the author of To The Stars: A Novel.
