People Who Bounce Back From Rejection Have One Uncommon Psychological Trait In Common
A person doesn't have to be born with this in order ot mature into it, as long as they know what htey want.
Tetianas Strilchuk | Canva Did you ever meet someone who seemed to be super proud of being a good partner? They're absolutely certain they're bringing their "A game" and that relationship failures were bad luck or the other person's fault. However, that pride might be misplaced. Sometimes, people don’t realize whether they’re being a good partner at all.
The people who think they're great partners, when they're aren't necessarily the best, are often lacking in a trait called ego effectiveness. It boils down to what you know about how to behave — and how you follow through on that. Do you actually do what you believe is right? When you don't, are you aware that you haven't followed through?
One indicator of this awareness is how you handle rejection.
People who bounce back from rejection have a high level of 'ego effectiveness'
Ego effectiveness is a measurement of how well our behaviors match up with our beliefs and expectations for themselves. This means knowing what you should do and doing that — and working to make sure that the catalyst and your response are aligned.
The idea is that people generally know what they should and shouldn't do, but that doesn't stop them from doing the wrong thing. Ego effectiveness reflects your ability to control your actions in response to your emotions.
A few examples of how ego effectiveness works when rejected
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A guy asks a girl out via text, but she doesn't seem interested. She says, apologetically, she's not into him and she has a boyfriend. How does the guy handle this, based on what his ego effectiveness is?
- A person with high ego effectiveness will say, "I understand, I'm sorry," and excuse himself.
He knows it's best to bow out graciously and does so. Who knows? Maybe she'll reconsider after seeing that. - A person who has medium levels of ego effectiveness will say, "Are you sure? Cause I’m easygoing and I’m an awesome guy."
He may then slink off and pout. He knows he shouldn’t lash out, but he’ll grovel a bit. - A person with low levels of ego effectiveness will lash out and start swearing at her.
This may or may not result in him being blocked and shunned around town. Either way, it's not going to end well for him.
What does ego effectiveness look like?
People with a high level of ego effectiveness are more likely to be direct about what they are feeling or how they are doing in a relationship. They're also more likely to be aware of what other people will think of them and how it could affect them.
On the other hand, people with low ego effectiveness tend to be defensive or may try to shift blame onto someone else. This makes them more likely to be unwilling or unable to act in their own best interest.
It's far easier to blame someone else, after all.
In a lot of ways, ego effectiveness tends to work hand in hand with self-awareness. The more self-aware you are, the easier it is to have a high level of ego effectiveness.
How does ego effectiveness affect the individual?
A person who works hard to act like their ideal version of themselves is more likely to feel confident in themselves. They're also more likely to be satisfied with the state of their romantic life and be more adept at handling social pressure.
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Having a high level of ego effectiveness leads to better relationships. To a point, it makes sense. Ego effectiveness is about aligning yourself with the person you want to be.
The more you represent your personal ideal, the more you will like yourself. The more you like yourself, the more confident you will be in your decisions.
Anyone can develop a high level of ego effectiveness.
It may sound difficult, but you can develop ego effectiveness with a little bit of help. A good way to start is to attend a therapy group that focuses on this concept or to read up on a related topic: emotional intelligence.
If you're lost and aren't sure where to start, ask yourself what your ideal self would do next time you're confronted with an issue. What's the best way to handle this? How can I avoid making a major mistake? More often than not, listening to your higher self is going to be the best thing you can do.
Dina Colada is an author, speaker, and dating coach who specializes in helping single women navigate the modern world of online dating. Her work has appeared on sites like Prevention, MSN, Women’s Health, Plenty of Fish, and Zoosk.
