20 Things I Took For Granted About My Partner That Deserve A Lot More Appreciation
Aerialsergey| Pexels Significant others are constantly putting up with all of our ridiculous day-to-day quirks. Even I admit it: I can be a lot to handle sometimes, and if he's put up with my random outbursts, obnoxious singing, and awful cooking for this long, he's probably a diamond in the rough.
There are so many times you may have to let go of how to say thank you, but know it can never be said enough. If you've ever let your partner go unrecognized or deprive them of appreciation, take a couple of minutes and make sure you're not taking these things for granted — because they probably deserve a lot more appreciation: The good morning text, the shared responsibility, we've got all the bases covered.
Here are 20 things I took for granted about my partner that deserve a lot more appreciation:
1. Letting me cry without demanding a reason
Thanks for being the stable one, never passing judgment, and loving me when I'm not-so-lovable. A study actually found that people who received validating responses during a stressful experience showed lowered levels of negative emotions.
2. Taking hundreds of selfies with me without complaining
Sometimes the lighting isn't great, our arms take unflattering poses, and for some reason, my eyes are always closed. You're the real MVP for patiently taking pre-bar pictures until we find one truly Instagram-worthy.
3. Agreeing that so-and-so is annoying
Because, well, she is. Thanks for taking my side and being my biggest advocate. It might seem like a small thing, but having your partner co-sign your frustrations is actually a powerful form of emotional support. As psychologist Guy Winch explains, "feeling seen and understood is immensely cathartic," and sometimes all it takes is your person saying, "Yeah, she's the worst."
4. Petting my head or playing with my hair without being asked
Viktoria Slowikowska / Pexels
I'm quite aware that I probably should've been born a cat because of the amount I love my hair to be played with. Thank you to the boyfriends who know just how to stop stress or anxiety before it starts, with a good old head stroke.
5. Giving me space to chase what matters to me
I can confidently say that you never try to stop me from pursuing an opportunity, whether it was near or far. Time with you is my favorite way to spend it, but you let me do my own thing, and that's important to me.
Support of a partner's personal goals and exploration had a positive impact on the recipient's happiness, self-esteem, and belief that they could actually achieve their goals. Researchers found that partners who supported each other's growth without trying to control or compete created a "secure base" that strengthened both people.
6. Scream singing the wrong lyrics in the car right alongside me
I can't help but belt out every lyric when Arkells come on the radio, and I thought I was the only one... until we took a road trip together. Thank you for having a music taste almost as indie as mine.
Partners who spent more time laughing together reported feeling significantly closer, more supported, and more similar to each other, researchers at UNC Chapel Hill found. Shared laughter functioned as an active ingredient in building a solid relationship that lasts.
7. Never pressuring me
This one's a biggie. Thank you for being understanding toward my limits and for letting our relationship move at a pace I'm comfortable with. Thank you for being a true gentleman.
8. Dealing with a face full of my hair every time we spoon
Ketut Subiyanto / Pexels
It's safe to say I'm the Rapunzel of redheads, and I can't be the only chick out there with some long locks that tend to have a mind of their own. Thanks for understanding the many sacrifices that must be faced when maintaining a long-haired look.
9. Covering the check, but letting me grab it sometimes, too
Chivalry isn't dead, but that doesn't mean I won't fight you over the bill sometimes. You treat me well; thank you for all the dates you've paid for. But more importantly, thanks for putting your pride aside and letting me treat you, too.
10. Leaving their phone face-up and never giving me a reason to wonder
You keep your read receipts on and don't have a password lock. Thank you for trusting me, being honest, and never giving me any reasons not to trust you in return.
Researchers have found that secrecy in relationships is associated with lowered mental health and a diminished sense of authenticity. Even the mental habit of mind-wandering back to secrets predicted worse outcomes, regardless of whether the person was actively concealing anything in the moment.
11. Noticing the little things, like my freshly shaved legs
Every girl knows the struggle of having to maintain smooth legs in the summertime, and it's nice to have someone notice. Thanks for keeping up with the small stuff.
If your partner picks up on the small stuff like a fresh shave or a new outfit, don't let that go unappreciated. As marriage therapists, Drs. David and Debbie McFadden explain, "A man who will make a great long-term partner or husband pays attention to the little things. He notices when you change your appearance." That kind of attention means he's really tuned in to you, and it deserves way more credit than we usually give it.
12. Actually trying to see my perspective
Katerina Holmes / Pexels
You're not one to jump to conclusions, and I really value how you see all perspectives before jumping into an argument. A lot of the time, I'm overreacting, but I'm too emotionally invested to see it. You pick your battles and aren't afraid to apologize when it's due.
Results from one study found that, regardless of gender, people rated their own ability to see their partner's point of view and their partner's ability to see theirs. It works both ways.
13. Eating terrible, wonderful, greasy food with me without judgement
You never judge my order, and aren't afraid to #treatyoself to some greasy goodness once and awhile. Large chocolate shake? Two straws, please. There's a reason splitting a basket of cheese fries feels like such a love language.
As couples therapist Richard Drobnick explains, "When trust is strong, partners feel safe to share their deepest fears, dreams, and insecurities," and honestly, that same emotional safety is what lets you order the large milkshake without a single side-eye from the person sitting across from you.
14. Never letting me do anything silly alone
Whether it's sneaking booze into concerts with me in the most questionable ways, or sharing the "pitcher of poison" I was expected to drink at a club initiation, you're my partner in crime, and there's nobody better fit for the job.
15. Bringing me into their world
Thanks for sharing your friends, and being cool when they became my friends, too. Good peeps make for good vibes all around.
16. Holding my hair back on the nights that didn't go as planned
Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels
You're always there to take care of me when I've hit my limit, and I know it may go without recognition right away, so thank you for carrying me home. Even if I don't really remember it.
17. Putting two sugars in my coffee
You're always sweetening up my day, and you know that when I say one sugar, I'm secretly wishing it were two. When your partner remembers exactly how you take your coffee, that's not a small thing.
As relationship coach Kyle Benson explains, "The simple shift of not taking everyday interactions for granted can do wonders for a marriage," because often "it is the seemingly insignificant moments of connection that are the most significant of all."
18. Saying "I appreciate you" and actually meaning it
There are so many more important things to say than "I love you," and this is one of them. Thank you for not only appreciating the things I do but letting me know you appreciate me.
19. Getting up to turn the lights off, so I don't have to
You make those daily sacrifices and escape from the cozy covers to turn out the lights. Thank you for being my everyday hero. Newlywed couples who stayed married for 6 years turned toward each other's small everyday bids for connection about 86% of the time.
Couples who later divorced had only turned toward those bids about 33% of the time. The research showed that these micro-moments were the actual building blocks of lasting trust and stability.
20. Reading this article all the way to the end, because I sent it to them
That alone tells you everything. They cared enough to pay attention to something that matters to you, and if that's not worth appreciating, nothing is.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, to all the hubbies dating a sweetheart. Although we can be crazy and not always at our prime, we promise we're worth all the trouble. We'll always have your back, make you laugh, support you, and show you the same loving appreciation that you've shown us.
Rachel Connell is a dauntless dreamer, communicator, writer, and yogi. She can be found among the movers and shakers of local music or enjoying the comforting hustle and bustle of independent coffee shops.
