15 Things Highly Intelligent People Do That Make Them Immune To Other People's Control
The time comes when you have to turn and walk away.
perfectwave | Canva When you hear the words “control freak,” there’s likely a certain person who pops into your mind. These are the people who meddle in your business, tell you how to do things, and hold you to impossible standards.
They are quick to point out your shortcomings and always have the right answer (allegedly). Whoever the controller is in your life, parent, boss, roommate, or dating partner, you surely want to break the pattern and break free.
Here are 15 things that help make people immune to other people's control:
1. They realize they can’t change a controlling person
The only person you can change is yourself. Trying to change someone else is only going to end in frustration.
2. They understand they can’t please a controller long term
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Even if you give the controller what he wants to make him happy, that doesn’t mean the bossy behavior will subside. “Playing along” to get the person off your back rarely works.
3. They make choices that are about themselves
Think carefully about the decisions you make, big or small, that will preserve your dignity.
4. They recognize their rights
Such as the right to be treated fairly, have your personal choices respected, and to answer for yourself.
5. They create space from the controller
It’s possible that you can establish physical and/or emotional distance from the pushy person. Sometimes, space is the best solution.
6. They set expectations
If someone consistently controls you in a particular area, think through your own standards and ways of doing things. Don’t let another person determine the guidelines for your life. You do it.
7. They don’t suffer in silence
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If you constantly just suck it up and hold it in, nothing is ever going to change. Plus, you’ll give yourself an ulcer. You may avoid conflict by staying quiet, but you aren’t doing either of you any favors in the long run.
8. They have a direct conversation if possible
Avoid drama or accusations. Just state what is bothering you and why.
9. They seek wise counsel
Enlist a friend, family member, or therapist to help you understand the situation and navigate through it. Often, an objective third party can come up with the best ideas and solutions.
10. They know that being controlled will never earn respect
The controlling person may “like you” or praise you for doing what they want, but that’s much different from respecting you.
11. They shore up their strength
Controllers can drain your energy and undermine your sense of self-worth. Take extra measures to preserve your physical and emotional energy.
12. They know what they give up in the exchange
A controller wants power, undue influence over you, and “permission” to bully you. When you acquiesce, you give up peace of mind, independence, and self-respect. What else?
13. They change the way the person affects them
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You can’t change a controller’s behavior, but you can change your reaction and response. You can determine not to get sucked into the melodrama of it all.
14. They know when to hold boundaries
When interacting with a controller, maintaining firm boundaries can be extremely tough because that person won’t recognize the lines you’ve drawn or will simply step over them. But for your sanity, hold your limits so you don’t get pushed around.
15. They know when to walk away
Frankly, sometimes the best way to deal with a controller, especially when your dignity and respect are on the line, is to walk away. Quickly.
eHarmony is a YourTango contributor with a focus on love and relationships.
