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Women fought for equality fifty years ago, so why are we regressing when it comes to gender roles when it comes to housework?
By Katy Kostakis — Written on Jun 06, 2023
Women on TikTok, and across the internet, after staging a mass callout towards their male partners as they grow increasingly weary of an unfair division of labor in the home.
As anyone who is a parent knows, raising children and maintaining a household takes a lot of love, patience, understanding, and a good amount of organization. Throw a challenging career into the mix and while you may have a bit more juggling to do to uphold order and structure, it is completely feasible to get all duties taken care of — provided you have the right support.
For those who have partners, splitting up the many tasks that come with parenting is a luxury single parents may envy — but it's not guaranteed that this split will be even, as many moms are finding out the hard way.
Photo: Twinsterphoto / Shutterstock
Posts are being made by frustrated mothers describing how they seem to be taking on the overwhelming majority of the responsibility for childcare and housework, while their spouse or partner does significantly less, and shockingly in some cases, almost nothing at all. Venting their aggravation to that anonymous audience has not only garnished them sympathy but also coined a phrase that’s been making its way throughout these channels: “married single mom.”
A married single mom is a woman who finds herself carrying out parenting duties alone despite having a partner.
That choice of words may seem to be rather contradictory, but judging by what many of these posts show, the lack of support from their partners is affecting them.
One particularly egregious example came in the form of a post by TikTok user @angy_catalano which showed a woman attempting to unload items and her children from her car with her male partner nearby. While obviously struggling as she holds both bags and a child, her partner may be physically present, yet he remains focused on his phone, seemingly oblivious to the situation.
Only once the woman trips over her other child and falls to the ground does the man notice and do something, while still holding his phone.
Enter the term "married single mom" into the search bar and undoubtedly there will be countless video clips with a woman expressing her exasperation and disbelief over her partner's apathy towards her and all the responsibility she takes on.
In a 2017 article in Psychology Today titled Who's Cleaning the House? psychologists Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera discuss fairness among couples in regard to housework and state a less-than-surprising notion: “While both partners see it as a necessary evil, wives are still regarded as the ones who are supposed to do it, often by both men and women.”
Society has placed those labels on the genders for years and while we have progressed in many ways, when it comes to domesticity, we remain stuck in that old-school mentality.
A woman on Tiktok posting as @wifemomnurse84 discussed how after her long shift as a nurse, she came home to an unkempt house and her unemployed husband did not seem to have even attempted to clean it.
Photo: TikTok
Comments were split as to whether she should leave him or communicate her needs and she would post an update as to her situation, yet it was quite obvious that this woman’s job as a nurse is hard enough and she was in deep need of support.
Men have now gone on social media to share their thoughts as to how that long-held belief that women must take on the brunt of the household chores shouldn't remain valid.
TikTok user @jfisher62 admits that his past thinking was certainly learned behavior, but he has since changed his ways and now offers these pieces of wisdom and advice: "I saw that modeled and even taught as the way it should be, but, oh my gosh, is that not a partnership. And that sucks. So, if you are a person, especially if you're a man and you think that division of labor is okay, like, you shouldn't be married."
Regardless if you believe that it's the male's responsibility to just make the money to support the family or that it’s just the woman's responsibility to cook, clean, and raise the kids, whether it’s a marriage or a domestic partnership, there needs to be fairness and communication on both sides.
Relationships require both give and take, not take and take. We have come this far when it comes to gender roles and responsibilities. Let's not turn back now.
Katy Kostakis is a Boston-based freelance journalist and writer, specializing in Lifestyle, Arts & Entertainment, Health & Wellness, Beauty, Food & Dining, and Culture.