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People are asking who they should really be getting revenge on.
By Megan Quinn — Written on Feb 27, 2023
Anyone who has ever been cheated on will tell you all about the pain and humiliation it causes and how difficult it can be to continue life as normal.
Some people vow to never love again, some people drown out their sorrows in ice cream tubs and soap operas, and others plot to get revenge on their cheating partners.
One group of women on social media has decided to take power back after they were cheated on by not only punishing their husbands or significant others but also dragging the other woman through the mud.
The women who were cheated on by their husbands use a Facebook group to call out the other woman by posting their names and photos.
The Facebook group was created in 2016 and was designed as a space for women who have been cheated on to vent their feelings and seek support from one another.
However, it quickly transformed into an opportunity for women to share information about the other woman their partners had cheated on them with, with the intention of exposing their true nature and warning other women in the area.
“This group is for women who have been cheated on, and you can put the tr–mp on blast and warn other women to keep their husbands or boyfriends away from that person,” the group’s description page reads. “It’s time we put those tr–mps on blast for their scandalous ways.”
Over 1,400 members have joined the page, with hundreds of women from around the country sharing their heartbreaking stories, including discovering how they were being cheated on, how their husbands reacted when confronted, and any personal information they were able to gather about the other woman.
Some of the women do not hold back their rage and name-drop the mistress to the group, along with a photo of them and where they are from.
“This is the nasty wh–re who got her hooks into my husband,” one user shared in a post to the group with a photo of a young woman with the words “nasty wh-re” written over the picture.
Photo: Facebook
“He screwed her a month before our 25th anniversary right after cleaning the word "wh-re" (that had been spray painted on her car by her fiance because she obviously was)off her car… She's a nasty little barmaid.”
The user then revealed the woman’s name and the town she currently resides in.
Another user also decided to put her husband’s mistress on blast by immediately dropping the woman’s name and location aligned with her photo.
“When I found out about her I texted her phone and let her know who I am. And she's still calling him. Don't get me wrong I blame him too. But as you can see she don't give a f–k.”
Photo: Facebook
Other users expressed their disgust for the mistresses.
“Good riddance! These women should be ashamed,” one user commented.
“Don’t waste your time and energy on these women…your husbands are downgrading,” another user wrote.
But the group, aside from being far too public a place vent, also has another issue.
The group is rooted in the sexist notion that women are to blame for cheating.
It's no secret that the language we use to discuss infidelity is extremely gendered and there are no prizes for guessing who gets the blame.
"The other woman," "mistress," or as this group likes to call them "tr-mps," are words that all lack a male equivalent — or if they do they're not ones we hear often.
We expect so little of male partners that when they do commit infidelity, it is common to blame the third person in the relationship instead of the person who owed his partner fidelity.
Groups like this one are rooted in internalized misogyny. Women are encouraged to turn on each other instead of the men who wronged them.
This language is pervasive in pop culture too.
For decades, Camilla Parker-Bowles has been demonized as being the woman who came between Princess Diana and King Charles — a charge Charles has never answered to. In 2015, when Ben Affleck was accused of cheating on Jennifer Garner, E! News asked in a headline: "Ben Affleck’s Nannygate Scandal — Is He a Villain or Victim?"
And when Beyoncé revealed that her longtime husband had cheated on her in her 2016 album "Lemonade," fans spent more time hunting down "Becky with the good hair" than calling out the rapper on his misgivings.
This narrative frames men as hapless individuals who stumble into infidelity while women are conniving adultresses tearing men from their wives.
For the women participating in groups like this one, and blaming women for infidelity in general, venting may offer a moment of respite but it won't spare them from a similar fate.
Until we collectively reframe the language around infidelity and cease to blame women solely, how can ever expect to tackle men's disrespect of their female partners?
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.