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Her boyfriend made his bed and refuses to lie in it.
By Megan Quinn — Written on Jun 10, 2023
After a woman made the heartbreaking discovery that her boyfriend of four years was being unfaithful to her, she ended their relationship. Since they had mutual friends, news of their breakup and the reason behind it quickly spread among the group.
As a result, all of their friends turned on the woman’s boyfriend, leaving him completely alone and isolated. Now, the woman cannot help but feel partly responsible for changing his life for the worse and is asking others if she should have kept her boyfriend’s infidelity to herself.
The woman and her now ex-boyfriend had mutual friends who turned their backs on him after finding out he cheated.
Sharing her story to the subreddit, "r/AmItheA**hole" (AITA), the woman revealed that she and her ex-boyfriend, whom she had met in college, dated for four years.
One day while she was borrowing his laptop to attend an online interview, she checked his social media accounts simply out of curiosity. “I didn't want to pry but then curiosity got the better of me and I decided to check his Instagram and WhatsApp,” she wrote.
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Unfortunately, the woman uncovered the double life her boyfriend had been living during their relationship. “I discovered that he had been engaging in explicit video calls with a girl, chatting explicitly with another one, and also made out with a girl who he told me was his friend,” she wrote.
The woman admits that she “lost it” upon learning that her boyfriend had cheated on her, and confided in one of their mutual friends what he had done.
Since they were all a part of the same friend group, the woman claims that the news quickly spread “like wildfire,” and they were not exactly happy with her ex-boyfriend’s actions.
“Now everybody is isolating him and he's feeling lonely,” the woman shared. “The people who didn't like him are spreading s**t about him to everyone they know and it's affecting his mental health.”
Additionally, he is feeling isolated from the woman, whom he wants back as his girlfriend again. While she claims that will “never happen again,” she cannot help but feel responsible for what her ex is going through.
The woman blames herself for her ex-boyfriend’s friends isolating him and ‘ruining his life.’
“He sometimes calls me up crying... other times calls me and swears at me and blames me for ruining his life,” the woman says of her ex, who she still refers to as “a good friend and human being.”
“The only mistake he has done is cheating on me,” she claims.
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The woman never believed that their breakup would “affect him this much” and is shocked that even his own friends are refusing to stand by him. Now, she is regretting her decision to tell their mutual friend about his cheating, claiming the only reason that she did initially was that she did not want to be blamed for the split.
“I feel like I am in a murkier situation and it's really hurtful to see him in that situation,” the woman admits.
However, other Redditors pointed out that the woman’s ex had no one but himself to blame for his current situation.
“He cheated on you. It is NOT YOUR JOB to console him for the consequences of hurting you,” one user commented. “Block his number for a couple of weeks and direct him to help OUTSIDE of his situation.”
“People are making their own judgment calls on being friends with him based on the truth. You didn't lie — you just reached out to a friend when you were distressed. His friends are deciding for themselves if they want to be friends with a cheater,” another user wrote.
Others commended the woman for still caring about her ex even after all he put her through. “You're feeling bad because you're a good human he ain't a good man though,” one user noted.
While the woman’s ex-boyfriend clearly has his own issues he needs to work through, she is not to blame for his current predicament or isolation from his friends. When you shine a spotlight on problematic behavior, the spotlight is not to blame.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.