Photo: lmistic69lisa/TikTok
Some say she's cruel and bitter, but she says it's tough love.
By John Sundholm — Written on Mar 08, 2023
A mom and grandma on TikTok is going viral for taking a stand on her principles—and against her own son.
The woman in question, whose name is Lisa and who goes by the username @lmistic69lisa on the app, has generated fierce debate online after showing off the way she's dealing with a conflict between her and her son, all in the name of her relationship with her granddaughter.
The grandma kicked her son out of her house because he chose to neglect his daughter.
"You get my granddaughter taken away from me, this is what happens," the mom films herself saying of her son. "You're getting the fu-k out of my house."
Lisa kicked her son out because he has chosen to support his girlfriend and her three kids while neglecting his own.
"Here's all your sh-t," she said as she showed off all her son's belongings laying in her front yard. "Now you need to come and get it."
The woman then revealed that her son has two children—a son and a daughter. She said her son already "gave up his son," perhaps explaining why his most recent move has her so angry. "He wants to be laying up with somebody else, his girlfriend, with her three kids but cannot take care of his own daughter?" she ranted before adding, "That's it. Goodbye."
The woman's son expressed no remorse for his decision and claimed he had no choice but to neglect his daughter.
In a follow-up video, Lisa filmed her son picking up his belongings from her yard as she scolded him for his decision. "He's choosing his girlfriend and her three kids over his own daughter."
"That's right, I am" her son responds. Lisa then suggests he could simply go get his daughter, who lives in Tennessee with her great aunt, and bring her back to where they live. "What do you want me to do about it," her son responds. "Go be a daughter and be a dad," Lisa responds.
Her son then demanded to know where he was supposed to live now that his mother was kicking him out, but Lisa did not back down, telling him he's "a 33-year-old man."
In follow-up TikToks, Lisa revealed that her granddaughter had also been abandoned by her mother, and that she had been caring for her until recently.
She also revealed that her son is an addict, and called the experience of living with him "hell."
"That's my granddaughter, and we love each other," Lisa said in response to a TikTok commenter who had called her "bitter" and told her to "get some therapy" because of the way she handled things with her son.
She also revealed that she had gotten the little girl DNA tested to make sure they were actually related so that she could care for her.
In another video, Lisa tearfully recounted how difficult it has been to deal with her son's addiction while trying to care for her granddaughter.
Lisa was careful to point out that she will always love her son despite not agreeing with how he's handling his children and the way he lives his life. "Does it change the fact that I love my son? Absolutely not." But she also told those criticizing her, "I pray for you that you never have to live a day in these shoes."
"It doesn't mean that I'm giving up on him," she went on to say. "It just means that he needs to be held accountable, grow up, and take care of what he should be taking care of."
After hearing more details about the situation, many TikTokers praised the way Lisa handled things.
"You did the right thing for BOTH your son but mainly your granddaughter. Hope you'll be able to be in contact with your granddaughter again soon," one user wrote.
"Mom to Mom. You did the right thing," another person commented. "Tough love is real love."
"She must never have had an addict in her life," another user wrote in reference to commenter who called Lisa "mean" and "controlling." "Sometimes tough love is the only love they understand."
Addiction experts agree that what Lisa and other TikTokers labeled "tough love" is indeed on the right track, but there is a better approach that might be more helpful.
As addiction counselor Amber Hollingsworth reveals in the video below, not enabling a loved one's addiction is key to their survival.
Hollingsworth specifically warns against making excuses for the addict, fixing their mistakes, and not maintaining appropriate boundaries, all things Lisa successfully avoided by refusing to further tolerate her son's behavior.
But Lisa's angry approach may end up being counterproductive in the end. Psychologists William R. Miller and Stephen Rollnick recommend a technique called "motivational interviewing," which was specifically designed for staging interventions with addicts.
The technique focuses on "mutual respect, empathy, partnership, facilitation and interpersonal connection," as a means of making an addict feel empowered and motivated to change, rather than feeling defensive and attacked, which tends to only further entrench them in their mindset and habits.
Of course, not all of us are capable of that approach, which is why addiction counselors exist. And regardless, judging moms like Lisa without knowing the heart-shattering ordeal they've been through with their kids isn't helpful either.
In the end, most parents are doing the best they can. As Lisa said in one of her videos about her son, "once a mom has a broken heart, I don't think it ever mends."
If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, there are resources to get help.
For more information, referrals to local treatment facilities and support groups, and relevant links, visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration [SAMHSA] website.
"If you’d like to join a recovery support group, you can locate the nearest Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous meetings near you.
Or you can call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP [4357], or text your zip code to 435748 (HELP4U).
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.