Photo: Lisa Fotios / Pexels
Most wouldn't survive addressing their mother this way.
By NyRee Ausler
Written on Jan 31, 2024
It’s bittersweet when you successfully raise your children to adulthood and send them off to college in hopes that they become something that makes up you proud. When those same kids who are now grownups need to return home you might miss them and say yes, but deep down resent them disrupting the peace and quiet of your empty nest.
A college student who had recently returned home asked readers in a since-deleted Reddit's AITA subreddit if he was wrong in what he said to his mother during a tense exchange.
He starts by saying that he had returned to his parents' home, explaining, “The college I was going to didn’t have the major I wanted to switch, but the college here does.” In addition, moving back home would allow him to pay off student loans and take some much-needed time off.
At first, his parents welcomed him with open arms.
The young man had recently undergone surgery and was having trouble with his vehicle, so needed some time to get back on his feet. He further explains that, like his sister who had moved back home previously, his mother and father would not require him to pay rent or utilities.
His father is the breadwinner in the family and earns a nice salary as a mechanical engineer.
Lately, his dad has been working a lot of overtime to cover his mom’s excessive spending. Because his mother supported the family years ago while his father attended school, the patriarch refuses to deny his wife anything she wants.
As of late, his dad has been sharing how much of a “burden” the woman of the house’s spending is creating. Nevertheless, he refused his son’s help when he offered to chip in and will not confront his spouse about her spending habits.
His mother’s spending was finally addressed.
Things came to a head when the family was watching TV together and his mother announced that she had just placed an Amazon order. The father spoke up, asking, “What did you spend almost $350 on after just spending $400 at Target?”
Mom explained that some of the stuff she believes the family needed was on sale. His father told her that he needed that money for gas and parts for the son's car.
His mother became very upset and told her son, “If something was to be bought for my car then I should buy it, and that I should be helping out more financially; If I’m going to be staying here then I need to be paying them a form of rent.” An argument between the parents ensued with the father adamant that they were not going to change the terms of the agreement they set when their son moved in.
The son, clearly upset with his mother jumped into the fray, telling her, “Maybe this wouldn’t be a problem if you got off your a- and got a job yourself and used your own money.”
“There is no need for us to have all this random stuff, no house needs 3 air fryers, 2 pressure cookers, 5 blenders, and 75 coffee mugs”.
Later on, the man’s godmother called to berate him about the way he talked to his mother and his lack of gratitude for being back in her home.
Though he and his father relationship went untarnished, his mother hasn’t spoken to him since and he wants to know if he was wrong in the situation.
Surprisingly, the consensus is that he did nothing wrong in telling his mom the ugly truth. One person posted, “Your parents are in a toxic relationship that they are both equally responsible for perpetuating. I truly sympathize and I agree with your assessment that your mother is the problem."
“But the way you lost your temper is out of line and frankly not constructive. (It's understandable given the situation but still not the best way it could have been handled.)”
Most commenters agree that the mother’s spending needs to be reeled in, but take issue with the manner in which the man, who is now a guest in her home, addressed the matter.
This family's struggle is common in today's economic climate
In recent years, a growing trend has emerged where an increasing number of adult children are opting to move back home with their parents as a strategic measure to navigate the challenges of financial instability. Faced with rising living costs, student loan debts, and competitive job markets, many young adults find themselves struggling to achieve financial independence. Moving back home becomes an appealing alternative, offering a temporary reprieve from the financial pressures of renting, bills, and other expenses.
While this arrangement may benefit the adult children in the short term, it often places an additional burden on their parents. Parents who may have expected to enjoy an empty nest and allocate their resources to their own needs and retirement plans find themselves shouldering unexpected financial responsibilities.
This trend highlights the broader economic challenges that young adults are grappling with, and the delicate balance that families must strike between support and the strain of providing financial assistance.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and author of seven books. She covers lifestyle and entertainment and news, as well as navigating the workplace and social issues.