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They said they will always be her parents.
By NyRee Ausler
Written on Jan 31, 2024
When parents decide they don’t have the resources to take care of their children, the decision to turn them over to the care of others is difficult. One woman took to the AITA subreddit to share how her parents dropped her off at relatives’ house and left her there as a young child.
She starts by admitting right off the bat, “I was raised mostly by my uncle and aunt.” Her parents dropped her off “kind of unceremoniously” at her grandparents' home when she was just 6 years old after her sister came down with a serious illness.
Her parents abandoned her as a child so they could take care of her sister.
Her mom and dad decided they couldn’t take care of both girls so decided they would leave her in the care of family. Her mom and dad misled her by saying she was just staying with her grandparents for a short while, but never returned to pick her up. Eventually, the abandoned child’s uncle stepped up and took her under his care. He and her grandparents explained that her parents were not returning, which made them upset.
She only saw her parents a total of five times after they dropped her off, but hasn’t laid eyes on them once in the past nine years. She was the only person initiating contact and eventually decided to cease communication altogether.
In her opinion, her situation worked out just fine as her uncle and his wife loved her as their own and considered her a “miracle” who had been “misrouted by the stork”. They were unable to adopt the young lady until she turned 18 due to some legal restrictions and the cost, but she is grateful they did.
After losing her sister, her estranged parents decided they wanted to reconnect.
Now 21, she shared that her sister who had been ill died sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas and she made the trip back ‘home’ for the funeral. She made sure to stay incognito in the back of the building and exited before her biological parents had an opportunity to speak to her.
They reached out to her uncle in an attempt to open the lines of communication, but he kept them at bay.
For Christmas, she attended a midnight mass service with her grandmother and surprisingly, her parents approached and tried to embrace her. “I did recognize them, but I pretended not to and just backed off and said 'Sorry, do I know you?' They said, 'We’re your parents!' and I said, 'My parents are at home.' and went and sat down with my gran.”
Naturally, the guilt-ridden mother and father were taken aback by the fact that their child had no idea who they were. They asked again and their long lost daughter pretended to only recall them vaguely.
Her grandmother agrees with her actions.
Her grandmother is fully behind her and believes the parents deserved that treatment for “trying to come back to me like nothing happened”. The parents, on the other hand, had the audacity to write a lengthy letter explaining how the daughter they left behind had hurt them.
They wanted her to be understanding about the reasons they’d had to sacrifice her in order to care for her ailing sister and wanted to be acknowledged as her biological parents. Other family members are not as supportive as her grandma, believing that the grieving parents deserve grace.
Estrangement between parents and their adult children is sad, but boundaries can be necessary.
Adult children who have experienced the pain of parental abandonment are entitled to establish and uphold firm boundaries, choosing whether or not to allow their parents back into their lives. The emotional scars left by parental abandonment run deep, and individuals in such situations possess the right to prioritize their mental and emotional well-being.
Establishing and maintaining boundaries does not stem from a place of bitterness or spite but rather from a need for self-preservation. While the societal expectation often emphasizes reconciliation and forgiveness, it is essential to acknowledge that estrangement is a consequence of the parents' actions, and the adult children have the autonomy to decide whether rekindling a relationship is in their best interest.
The sadness associated with estrangement should not overshadow the importance of self-care and protection from potential harm, allo
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and author of seven books. She covers lifestyle and entertainment and news, as well as navigating the workplace and social issues.