Photo: TikTok
As a parent, she was emotionally moved by learning that her daughter's "difficult" behavior was molding her into becoming a strong-willed individual.
By Nia Tipton — Written on Apr 12, 2023
Trying to parent a strong-willed child can often be an exhausting task, as these children are often spirited, courageous, and experimental learners. To try and discipline them when they've done something wrong can take a toll on a parent's mental health.
However, one mom, Hannah, shared a lesson she learned after having gone through some rather stressful years with her own daughter during her toddler years.
She's grateful that she never stifled her 'difficult' daughter after learning the good things her teacher had to say about her.
In a TikTok video, Hannah explained that her video was specifically for "the parents of strong-willed children or difficult children," and most importantly, parents with daughters who many would also be categorized as being "difficult."
From the time that Hannah's daughter was a year and a half to around four years old, she shared that her child was "extremely difficult." Anytime they went anywhere, her daughter would have multiple meltdowns, and throw temper tantrums, even when they were at home.
Her daughter would constantly kick, scream, and say hurtful things like, "I hate you," or "You're so stupid," to Hannah during her younger years.
"Just horrific behavior that I felt was a reflection on me," she continued. "I thought I was a horrible mother. I would go to bed at night crying over her behavior. I tried reading all of the different children's psychology books, all of the books on 'difficult' children and everything."
However, one thing Hannah knew she never wanted to do was "break" her daughter's spirit, which she likened to having to break a horse.
"I know that being strong-willed would be so beneficial to her as a woman. We do not need any more broken girls," Hannah stressed.
Her daughter's teacher described the little girl as being a 'leader' for her other classmates.
Now, Hannah's daughter is six and recently had her kindergarten parent-teacher conference, and when Hannah went in to speak with her daughter's teacher, she was pleasantly surprised by what was said.
"The first thing that came out of her teacher's mouth [was], 'Your daughter is a joy. She is kind, she is clever, she is smart, she is witty, and she is a leader.' And I could not be more proud," Hannah tearfully said.
She continued, saying that having "strong-willed toddlers" can lead to them being strong-willed girls, which in turn create strong-willed women, and eventually, strong-willed female leaders.
While many studies claim that children with higher exuberance show more behavior problems in school. If those children have a highly responsive parent, the link to behavior problems can disappear.
Many parenting experts, no matter if the child is strong-willed or not, recommend speaking to their children peacefully, with the goal in mind to coach and not control. By doing so, as Hannah previously mentioned in her video, you're not attempting to "break" your child's spirit.
In an interview with The Atlantic, Alan Kazdin, director of the Yale Parenting Center, explained, "Parents might start out reasoning, but they’re likely to escalate to something a little bit more, like shouting, touching, firmly dragging their child — even if they’re well-intentioned."
“Even wonderful, gentle punishments like a time-out or reasoning — those don’t work.”
In the comments section, other parents of strong-willed children praised Hannah and shared their experiences with their own strong-willed children.
"I’ve learned that my strong negative reaction was a direct response from me feeling shame for their behavior," one TikTok user shared.
Another user agreed, writing that their strong-willed daughter ended up turning into a brilliant young woman. "My strong-willed daughter who made me cry at least weekly if not more is now headed to Notre Dame in the fall! It makes me cry for a different reason!"
"I needed this, currently struggling to take my toddler in public, she knows what she wants and when she wants it! Thank you for this," a third user chimed in.
Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics.