Man Feels 'Torn' After His Fiancé Attempts To Stop His Ex-Wife From Attending His Dad's Funeral — They Share 2 Kids

She's the mother of his children.

Man at a funeral - Yuri A / Shutterstock

A man found himself in a difficult situation after his father passed away and his fiancé requested that his ex-wife not attend the funeral. 

He claims that his ex has engaged in problematic behavior in the past and his fiancé does not want to associate with her in any shape or form.

Still, she is the mother of his children and the man does not feel comfortable barring her from her former father-in-law’s funeral.


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The man’s fiancé does not want his ex-wife at the funeral after she sabotaged his previous relationship. 

Sharing his story to the subreddit thread, r/TrueOffMyChest, the man shed some light on the reasons his fiancé feels uneasy around his ex-wife, and they have nothing to do with jealousy. 

Throughout his post, he refers to his ex-wife as “P” and his fiancé as “S.” 

He begins by revealing that he and P had a troublesome relationship and marriage.

“[P and I] had a troubling relationship, unequivocally toxic being a lighter descriptive,” he wrote. “We've been separated for around five years just after our youngest was born and it was too much of a mental tax on both of us.”


The two remain in contact since they are co-parenting their eight and six-year-old daughters.

The man admits that although they are separated, P continues to make his life difficult by interfering with his romantic relationships.

He reveals that before meeting his current fiancé, he was in a relationship with another woman.

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His ex-wife did everything in her power to sabotage the couple’s relationship.

“She would make sexual advances to me when I would pick up my daughters when that failed she found my then girlfriend on social media and proceeded to tell her I'm cheating on her with P, ultimately ruining the relationship,” the man wrote.


When he met S, he warned her of P’s past actions in case she attempted to destroy their love as well.

“I've even been extremely cautious to never let P have any details on S in fear she may try and reach out to cause aggravation again,” he admitted.

Recently, the man’s father passed away and S has expressed her concerns regarding his ex-wife attending the funeral with him. 

“My fiancé has always said she would never want to be in the same room P, for obvious reasons,” he shared. “She's expressed she would rather P not attend the funeral.” 

However, the man feels “torn” since P is still the mother of his children, and he does not want his children to grow up knowing that their father forbade their mother from attending their grandfather’s funeral.


He adds that his ex-wife had a relationship with his father and would want to say her goodbyes.

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Some Reddit users encouraged the man to tell P not to come to the funeral to avoid conflict.

“If you feel like your ex will cause a scene or do anything inappropriate at the funeral then I don't think it'd be a good idea for her to be there,” one user commented.

“P's relationship with your dad and her feelings stopped counting when she abused you and tried to destroy a relationship you cared about. P needs to stay away,” another user wrote. 


“You shouldn’t invite the fox into the henhouse and be surprised when their nature comes out,” another user pointed out.

However, others believed that P should be at the funeral.

“Let your fiancé stay home,” one user wrote. “It’s a shame that she’s stuck between supporting you and not inviting the crazy ex into her life. However, your children will likely need both parents there at the funeral and that’s more important.”

“Your children's grandfather just passed away. They need their mom and dad both. Your fiancé needs to understand this isn't about her at all,” another user commented.


Others made suggestions that would prevent trouble at the funeral if P attends.

“Set up a private, adults-only close friends and family wake or a later memorial and private meal that P and your children do NOT attend, invite your fiancé,” one user recommended. “Your fiancé can skip the public funeral that P and your children attend. Do NOT sit beside P, have your children or other families between you and her.” 

Hopefully, the man can work out a healthy compromise for the funeral arrangements as he processes his loss.

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Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.