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Man Who Shows Up To Ex-Wife’s Family Funerals 20 Years After Divorce Sparks Debate

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family attending a funeral

Everyone's divorce is different. While some people opt to never speak to their exes again, others remain friends.

But — whichever option is chosen — it's best if both members of the couple are on the same page.

For one woman, who opened up in a post on the British internet forum, “Mumsnet,” the blurred lines in her divorce was causing tension 20 years after the end of her relationship.

Her ex-husband keeps attending family funerals two decades after their divorce.

“He was there at my uncle's [funeral] a few years ago, I didn't know he was coming until I saw him in the car park. Now one of my cousins has passed away,” she wrote.

She feels awkward because her current husband won't be attending the funeral but her ex likely will.

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“My exDH [ex dear husband] will sit with me and my parents and act like we've been married the whole time. It's so uncomfortable,” the woman added.

His family hasn’t spoken or stayed in touch with the woman ever since their divorce so she finds it strange that he keeps showing up at her family events. Additionally, the two also haven’t talked to each other in years.

Since it had been the woman who broke up with him, he feels some kind of entitlement toward her.

“I suppose because it's a funeral, I feel I can't really say anything or ask him not to come but it's causing me additional stress at a very sad time,” the woman continued.

“I wouldn't mind if he sat at the back and nipped away before the reception but it's very unlikely. He'll make a day of it.”

Internet users agreed with the woman and thought it was weird for him to show up.

“He sounds like a freak show, to be honest. Ask him not to come in [the] future because it makes you feel uncomfortable. If he doesn’t care that it makes you feel uncomfortable then why on earth is he there?” one user wrote.

“Some people are just odd when it comes to funerals, I mean how does he cope when he isn’t invited to weddings, etc?! Also odd he hasn’t moved on in the 20 plus years,” another user commented.

Another user wrote, “I think it's very weird. Whilst you can't control whether he comes to the wedding, and I think it's [insensitive] of him to do this, I would certainly make sure he wouldn't be sat with me.”

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Many people also offered solutions or alternatives for the woman as talking to him about it directly did seem a bit uncomfortable.

Another user wrote, “Maybe you could have your husband have a word with him, he’s less likely to push his boundaries I’d imagine, it might embarrass him into backing off.”

However, many people defended the man and thought that he was genuinely grieving.

One user wrote, “Why is that weird? He was part of the family and is there to show his respects [at their] funeral. It's perfectly normal for [exes] to attend.”

Another user wrote, “I don't think it is weird. Often acquaintances attend funerals to pay respects so someone who knew the person for years is not that strange. Divorce doesn't remove the fact. Yes, it is awkward but so are many family events.”

“It is only a funeral. Be polite and gracious. It's no big deal. Don't allow this to concern you. Be the bigger person,” one person commented.

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Sanika Nalgirkar is a news & entertainment writer. She has a master's degree in creative writing. See more of her writing on her website.

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