Frugal Couples Almost Always Fight Over These 11 Things, According To Research
Even though some couples think they're on the same page about finances, it might not always be true.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock When it comes to balancing love with money, even the most financially responsible and careful couples aren't immune to the conflicts that arise. While being careful with your money can lay a foundation for a stable relationship, frugal couples almost always fight over specific financial issues.
What may come across as being stingy to one person may be their spouse wanting to treat themselves. Even the smallest choices, such as splurging on takeout one night instead of sticking to leftovers or cooking something new, can end up causing a married couple to debate and fight. As a frugal couple, both people genuinely want the same end goal of security and comfort, but sometimes being too focused on that can disrupt both of your peace of mind.
Frugal couples almost always fight over these 11 things, according to research
1. Different attitudes toward spending
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It's easy to think that just because you and your partner are both frugal, you'll automatically agree with each other about every little thing when it comes to spending. But nothing will expose your differences faster than the things you both may like to spend money on. It doesn't come from being careless, but about what one person might deem worth spending their money on, compared to what someone else might think.
A poll revealed that one in three (34%) partnered Americans view money as a source of conflict in their relationship. More than one-third think their partner spends too much money on impulse purchases (37%) and/or admit they are untruthful about money with their spouse (36%), though half (49%) of Americans more generally confess they often spend more than they know they should.
One person in the marriage may want to save every extra dollar for any unexpected emergency, while the other one swears that they need to spend their money on the brand-name snacks because they taste better. Both people are just trying to find a middle ground, and yet, they end up bickering because they have such different ways of spending money.
2. Financial goals
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Few things can put you on a different page faster than trying to agree on financial goals. It's in that moment where you and your frugal partner realize that your difficulty reaching an agreement on some goals, like buying a home, wanting to have children, or even just building more of your savings and safety net, can prove just how out of touch one or both of you are. The tricky thing about financial goals is that they often reflect the values of the other person.
A survey even found that 37% of couples have different financial priorities. Of these, 43% prefer to keep their financial plans completely separate from each other, and over half (57%) haven’t even tried to talk about finances.
For example, saving might be something that makes one person feel incredibly safe, while the other person may feel stifled. It's common for couples to end up bickering when trying to come to an understanding about what the other person wants. Talking about money in general usually ends up bringing up certain feelings for many people, and it's easy just to end up shifting the blame onto them rather than being able to just honestly talk it out.
3. Budgeting
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Even the most financially disciplined couples find themselves butting over how to budget correctly. It might seem easy when you're just tracking your spending, sticking to things within your limits, and putting away the rest of your money. But in reality, creating a budget with your partner, no matter how frugal you both are, can feel like the hardest thing ever. Budgeting usually isn't the problem for many couples, though. It's usually the approach they take that creates conflict.
It makes it even harder when you realize just how many couples are unaware of their partner's finances. In a study conducted by Fidelity, an estimated 0% of American adults who live with their significant other are unable to correctly identify how much money their partner earns.
One person might not really enjoy spreadsheets because it feels too constricting, while the other might not be good with numbers at all. Couples may start out with the best intentions, but it might then just feel really hard to follow through with that. It can end up feeling a bit like a power struggle rather than being the one thing that allows the two of you to have peace of mind.
4. Handling unexpected expenses
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Life has a way of throwing curveball after curveball your way, especially when it comes to the unexpected expenses. Whether it's a leak in your house, a plumbing issue, your car has broken down, or even something as simple as your laptop no longer working. For frugal couples, these moments in life mean needing to be able to have a bit of a cushion to brace themselves with.
It doesn't help that many people don't even have an emergency fund. According to a U.S. News survey, two in five Americans (42%) don't have an emergency savings fund. Nearly as many (40%) couldn't cover a $1,000 emergency expense with cash or savings, though 60% said they'd had an unexpected expense pop up in the past year.
Being able to handle unexpected expenses with your partner can often be a point of contention for most, especially if one or both of you have such different reactions to a bump in the road. It can be incredibly emotional to have to dip into your savings when you've worked so hard to build it up. That's why those moments will lead to some sort of tension, even if the issue is just going to be temporary.
5. Disagreements over large purchases
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Something that will surely test a frugal couple's communication is trying to decide whether or not to make a big purchase. It could be something they actually need, like a new car because their old one is hanging on for dear life, or something more indulgent, like finally going on that vacation they've been eyeing for years. No matter what it is, frugal couples can find themselves in a bit of tension when either one of them doesn't necessarily agree or thinks they need to be spending their money on something else.
"When partners have different views on money, perhaps seeing money as a way to ensure future security versus a way to experience life to the fullest, they are also more likely to fight about finances than couples in which partners share the same view on money," explained psychologist Johanna Peetz.
What was meant to be a more casual conversation can end up leading to an emotional and even heated debate about what's important to both of them. Being able to have talks about these large purchases truly tests how well couples can not only listen to each other but also how much they value their partner's comfort levels.
6. Buying used items instead of new
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It might seem like a small decision, but often frugal couples might end up bickering over what exactly they can buy used versus what needs to be bought in brand-new condition. One partner may find it exciting to thrift and buy secondhand, while the other cringes at the thought of owning things that other people have also owned. They might be all about spending money, but in a way that doesn't compromise their comfort.
These differences can quickly lead to moments of tension, especially if one partner sees used items as a win to avoid having to spend more money than they need to, while the other sees it as some kind of risk. While it's true that not everything needs to be bought used, the same can be said about things that are bought new as well. It's all about couples being able to get on the same page and compromise where they need to.
7. Limiting gift-giving
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When frugal couples are focused on trying to save money, it might mean having to be a bit smarter when it comes to buying gifts, either for each other or for other people in their lives. The challenge is that gifts often mean different things to different people. For some, giving gifts is more about the thought, while others want to see effort put into the kind of gift they're getting and giving.
So, when one partner may want to cut back on gift-giving and the other doesn't, it can leave one person feeling rejected in a way. One person may feel bad about spending money when they could be saving, while the other will feel guilty for wanting to celebrate even if it costs more money, especially when it comes to showing love to their partner. This tug-of-war can be hard to get over and lead frugal couples to disagree more than they thought they would.
8. Use of credit cards
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Credit cards can often be a tricky subject for frugal couples. While they're incredibly convenient and even practical, they can end up being a rather slippery slope if you're not careful. For couples who are trying to stay mindful about their money, deciding how and when to use credit cards can end up leading to an unexpected confrontation and argument.
It doesn't help either that most people have credit card debt, too. According to a survey from Bankrate, 46% of credit cardholders report having a credit card balance. About a quarter (23%) don’t think they’ll ever pay it off.
One person might see that credit cards can help them build their credit and help with finances, while the other may see credit cards as a trap that's easy to fall into. Whatever the reason, the differing opinions and even ways of spending can come back to haunt them. While credit cards are rarely the problem, especially if you know how to use them without putting yourself into a hole, the problem can be trying to get on the same page as your spouse.
9. Financial transparency
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Even for the most frugal of couples, it can be difficult to be transparent with each other about their thoughts on their shared income, savings, and even spending. If one person is making unnecessary purchases and not exactly following the goals and rules when it comes to their money, they may feel scared to open up to their partner about it for fear that it'll create tension. But avoiding the topic altogether will only lead to more arguments and fights down the line.
It can be hard to be transparent about money, especially if it leads to feelings of embarrassment later on. But no matter how much you might be fearful of bringing up certain things with your partner for fear of how they'll react, things might be even worse if you keep it from them. A marriage, whether you're frugal or not, is about being a team against everything, and you can't let money get in the way of that.
10. Limiting dining out
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Dining out can actually be one of the trickiest things for frugal couples to navigate. It might seem simple on paper, but cooking at home and taking advantage of leftovers in practice is all about having self-discipline. For some people, dining out is their chance to be social and spend time with friends rather than wasting money. But that might not be the same way their partner sees dining out.
Whatever the case is, it can end up being a rather slippery slope, especially if they're both actively trying to save money and budget better. Without being able to understand the other person's limits, the topic of eating out can cause an immense amount of friction. The solution isn't to stop dining out all at once, but to have better boundaries about it. It's being able to do it in a way that doesn't disrespect your partner and make them feel as if their financial expectations aren't being heard.
11. How to approach taxes
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Taxes are one of the most frustrating parts of adult life. They can either bring couples together or drive a wedge between them. For frugal couples, being able to get on the same page about taxes might seem easy, but it can actually bring tension if one or both have such different ways of doing things. One person might take it seriously and want to do their taxes as soon as possible, even going as far as to look up different strategies and have their taxes done by a professional, too.
On the other hand, the other partner might not see taxes as something to worry about at all. They'll wait until the very last minute, causing their partner to get a bit of a headache when nudging them to do it. Taxes also have a way of just triggering stress, and if one person is always anxious about their taxes while the other is usually calmer about it, it can end up creating further conflict as well.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
