5 Things Frugal Couples Do When One Partner Makes Way More Money Than The Other
It's common to become resentful when one of you pays for everything, but it's a problem that can be overcome.
Getty Whether splitting everything evenly or using a percentage system, one thing is for sure: in a relationship, you shouldn't feel as though you (or your bank account) are being taken advantage of. Paying for everything in your relationship can easily make you feel resentful of your partner.
When you're the one making less, you will likely also worry about the power imbalance. After all, money worries are rarely just about money. They represent something deeper, and a lack of healthy communication usually compounds the problem. Frugal couples know how to handle it before resentment, anger, or frustration mount in the relationship.
Five things frugal couples do when one partner makes way more money than the other:
1. They accept responsibility
No matter what situation a frugal couple is in, they play a role in shaping it. So, if you're in this position, take responsibility. Stop blaming your guy for making less money or for not paying his share. You play a role. It is about how you act, what you say, what you don’t say, and how you behave.
Are you coming home and yelling at him every night? Talk is cheap. What motivation is there for him to step up if you keep doing things that support the current pattern? Every time you complain but continue to pay for everything, you send the message that your word means nothing and you do not honor your boundaries.
If you stay silent and don’t communicate your displeasure with the situation, your partner will never know how much it bothers you. Quit blaming and judging your guy, and first identify your mistakes (how you contribute to the situation) and then admit them.
2. They define the real problem
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Frugal couples know that it can be tempting to blame your money situation for other relationship problems?
Is the problem that you make more money than he, or is the problem that you don’t have enough to pay for both of you (or that you don’t want to pay for both of you, no matter how much you make)?
For example, if you could double your income by spending the same amount of time working, would your partner’s low income still drive you nuts? Is it that you want a man who takes care of you in all ways (especially financially), or do you just want to feel like he’s contributing?
3. They uncover and acknowledge your money fears
You have fears about money and your relationship. Well, what are they? Are you afraid you’ll end up in debt or broke? Are you worried you’ll have to carry the whole load and won’t be able to manage? Are you scared you’re being taken advantage of?
By leading with anger and fear instead of positive communication, you quickly lose all power to influence your partner, who will push back against being judged.
Uncovering and acknowledging your fears will give you clarity and empower you. This way, you can choose behaviors and engage in conversations that serve you instead of sabotaging you.
4. They get specific about what you want
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A list of what you don’t want isn’t enough. What specifically do you want?
Before you can get on the same page as your man, you have to get clear with yourself about your true wants and make your own rules. You can’t hold someone accountable for something you haven’t fully communicated.
With an unspoken ultimatum, it's hard for anyone to win.
5. They talk about it
Now that you have gone through these steps, talk about it!
The key to working out money differences is clarity and communication. Your relationship needs the same. Whether or not you decide you and your partner are ultimately meant to stay together, at the very least, you can end things knowing you spoke your truth, took responsibility for yourself, and didn’t let your fears control you.
If you're a frugal couple who is smart with money, the best thing you can focus on is becoming better — together and individually — so that whatever relationship you end up in (this one or the next) is built on honesty and transparency. Never let money destroy your relationship; it's your choice now!
Robyn Crane is a Money & Business Growth Expert known for hosting the TV show The Financial G-Spot, radio show Let’s Talk Money, and is a 4-time #1 Best Selling Author.
