Women Who Use These 7 Phrases Struggle To Keep A Man, According To Psychology
Words matter. Use yours to make him want you.
stagestock | Canva For single women looking for the right man, getting through the first date (or the first time you hang out together) is your priority. You only get one chance to make a great first impression, so you want to be your best. This is your shot at being a delightful, alluring, feminine presence and making your date feel comfortable and at ease.
You need to know if the guy wastes your time and can get in the way of making that good first impression. These comments or topics will likely turn off a man quickly. If you have ever said one of these deal-breaker statements, you probably had a guy who seemed interested at first but suddenly had a drop in energy and closed the date sooner than you expected.
Below are 7 phrases you want to avoid if you struggle to keep a man — plus an explanation for how these things can sound from a man's perspective:
1.'I'm so busy'
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When you tell a man how busy you are and what a crazy schedule your life has, he could think of any of the following:
She doesn't have time for me, so she's going to have a hard time committing. She won't have time to hang out with me, so she'll probably cancel at the last minute.
It doesn't matter how busy you are — avoid saying this. If you want to find love, you will find the time and be available.
An article published by the Journal of Personal Relationships indicates that when men feel their partner is not committed, they often experience uncertainty, insecurity, frustration, anger, and a sense of being undervalued. This can stem from a deep-seated need for relationship stability and commitment, leading to potential anxieties about the partnership's future and self-worth.
2.'I'm so independent I don't need a man.'
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When a man hears you say this, he will think you don't need a man in your life. You are self-sufficient and don't need any help. Even if that is true, this is a turn-off.
Why is that? Because a good man wants to help his woman. He wants to feel needed just like a woman does.
So when you throw it in his face that you don't need anyone, you essentially say that you don't need him. You may not need a man but don't make this seemingly harmless comment if you want one.
A 2013 study suggests that when men perceive their partners as too self-sufficient, they can experience feelings of inadequacy, decreased sense of neediness, and even a threat to their masculinity, potentially impacting their self-esteem and overall relationship satisfaction. This can be particularly true if they hold traditional gender roles or have underlying insecurities about their competence. However, it's important to note that individual experiences vary greatly.
3.'What kind of car do you drive?'
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Asking your date this question will alert him that you might be a gold digger. Even if you are a car enthusiast, I recommend avoiding asking questions like this.
I also wouldn't pay too much attention to his expensive watch or designer clothes. The last thing you want to leave him with is the impression you are a status seeker. Men want to be liked for who they are, like you do. Gold diggers don't get second dates.
4.'My ex is the worst.'
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Sometimes, on a first date, you start to relax around the guy and feel like you can really talk to him. So you open up and start to tell him about your life—and your exes.
Please don't do it! Talking about your ex conveys that you're not over him yet. Or maybe you're not even ready to date at all.
Think about it this way: why would you bring your ex up on a date with a new man? Will that reflect on you in a positive light? Not really.
It's like bringing your ex to the date! You'll have plenty of time to tell your love war stories later.
First dates are meant to focus on you and your date, not your ex, kids, etc. Don't jump in with him, even if he brings up his ex.
A study published by the Journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science found when a partner brings up their ex, men often feel a mix of emotions, including insecurity, jealousy, and sometimes even a sense of threat to their current relationship. However, the intensity can vary depending on the context, the individual man's personality, and the relationship dynamics. The study also suggests that men may be more likely to view their ex-partners favorably compared to women, which could contribute to a more complex emotional response when their ex is brought up.
5.'My job sucks.'
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Speaking of first impressions, when you complain about your job (or your health, financial situation, legal problems, etc.), you are hugely downgrading yourself. This is too much information for a first date and certainly no way to make an excellent first impression.
Men want a woman who is happy with her life and has her act together. Sharing your troubles will not lead him to think this about you.
Instead, share what makes you happy and what is happening in your life. Show him your good side so he can get to know the real you.
6.'Online dating stinks.'
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I won't argue that connecting with the right man can be tricky. However, when you start talking trash about other men you've met online, the man in front of you will start feeling defensive.
This is entirely natural and the same way you'd feel if he condemned all women. Don't discuss how hard dating is or the crummy men you've met.
You want him to think you are a great catch and a gem of a woman without yet being discovered by another man. Now he's got a chance with you! Don't ruin that fantasy.
If you bad-talk your other dates, he will view you as a woman who attracts sub-standard men who aren't interested in you. That doesn't make you seem very desirable. Don't go there!
A 2020 study by the Pew Research Center found when a man hears his partner say online dating sucks; he might feel a mix of emotions, including frustration, validation, a sense of being listened to, potential insecurity about his dating efforts, and a desire to find alternative methods to meet people depending on the context of the relationship and the man's perspective on online dating.
7.'I'm exhausted.'
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I cannot tell you how many men shared that women treat them like a therapist on a first date. This is especially true if the man is easy to talk to.
Perhaps you forgot that you are sitting before a handsome, kind-hearted guy. This is not your opportunity to dump your problems on him.
This is your chance to get him excited about you! But if you follow this unpleasant line of conversation, he'll think you are overwhelmed and lack the vital energy he is seeking in the right woman.
You want to give him the impression that you are up for getting out, doing things together, and enjoying yourself. Here's the advice I share with my dating coaching clients daily: It's not about where the good men can be found (though that's what most single women over 40 ask me); it's all about who you are when you meet men.
Strive to be a woman your date wants to learn more about. You want him to be curious about what makes you tick. You want him to feel comfortable around you.
You want him to see you again on another date. That is your job on date one. If you like the man, you want a second date to get to know each other better and determine if there is long-term love potential.
Smile, be easy-going, and alluring. Rely on your feminine charm. Relax and be your best self. If your date doesn't like what he sees when you show up this way, it's his loss.
When a partner treats a man like a therapist, he may feel burdened, emotionally drained, undervalued, and potentially resentful due to the lack of reciprocity and the pressure to constantly be the emotionally supportive one. This can conflict with traditional masculine expectations of strength and self-reliance, which, according to a 2023 study, can ultimately strain the relationship if not addressed.