What Men Actually Say Out Loud When They Really Like You

Photo: Olesya Kuznetsova | Shutterstock
man taking selfie with peace sign

As a love and relationship author, I spend a lot of time thinking about what men are thinking — and why they do all sorts of confusing things — when they are in relationships.

One of the most common questions I get from readers is, "What are the signs that a man likes you?" and "What is a man thinking when he is falling for me?" 

In fact, for a man to fall for you, he must think about you when you aren't around. Men feel attraction and fall in love in your absence.

And in your presence, they'll reveal how they feel (sometimes in subtle ways).

RELATED: 11 Things A Guy Will Only Do If He Knows You're 'The One'

Here is what a man actually says out loud when he really likes you:

1. 'Tell me more'

When a man really likes you, he will try to get to know who you are in a deeper way. 

You won’t feel like he’s ignoring you, talking over you, or glossing over what you have to say.

He will listen, remember details, and ask you about things going on in your life. Getting to know you better will be a priority for him.

2. 'Do you have plans for the weekend?'

A guy who likes you will make sure that he gets as much time with you as he can. He will be motivated to schedule things in advance so that he doesn’t miss out on any opportunity he can to see you. 

He won’t contact you at the last minute, in the middle of the night, or when he knows you aren’t available because he could miss out.

RELATED: 15 Ways Guys Say 'I Love You' Without Ever Saying A Word

3. 'What’s your family like?'

When a man starts falling for you, he will want to know about your tribe. What kind of family you grew up in, whether or not you are religious and whether you had a good childhood will all be of interest to him. 

He will also try to make a good impression on your friends and family.

He will introduce you to his friends and think about bringing you home to meet his mother. How you fit into the bigger picture will be important to him — especially if he is family-minded.

He will also sit patiently through those embarrassing stories from when you were a kid.

4. 'What makes you really happy?'

Men who like you wonder how they can contribute to your happiness.

Even if he doesn’t ask you directly, he will pay close attention to what excites you — then he will try to do more of that. He will try to do things that he knows you like.

When he’s falling for you, lighting you up makes his day.

RELATED: 10 Sweet Signs A Guy Likes You As More Than A Friend

5. 'Does she add to my life?'

A man who is looking for a life partner will notice whether you add to his life. Men are keenly aware that the women they choose for the long term will affect everything from where they live to their children.

When he really likes you, he’ll try to make sure that you’re a safe person to share everything with.

6. 'Does she respect me?'

It’s not that well-known, but one big secret about men is that your respect is more powerful than your love. If he feels like you aren’t solidly in his corner, he will not commit to you long-term. 

A man can’t fall for you if you don’t treat him with respect. This includes trusting him to solve his own problems and respecting the way that he manages his life.

He made it this far without you, so if you emasculate him now or treat him like you’re the only thing holding him together, he will eventually resent you.

RELATED: 18 Body Language Signs He Secretly (Or Not So Secretly) Likes You

7. 'Is she a happy person?'

Emotionally stable, healthy men are drawn to happy women like moths to a flame. The fact that you’re already happy without him just makes him want to make you even happier.

Your personal happiness with or without him is a strong signal that he can be himself and you will still be happy. That’s a win-win for both of you.

If you drag him down with negativity, it’s unlikely that he’ll stick around. Propping up a woman emotionally is really wearing for men. It will damage your relationship over time if you’re constantly venting negative emotions.

Plenty of men report that the reason they finally dumped a woman was that she was constantly unhappy. 

When you’re happy on your own and able to self-soothe, he won’t be as worried that you'll bring him down during tough times.

RELATED: Why Men Leave Women They Love — From A Man Who Stayed Too Long

8. 'I really like you'

Capital L — as in love — might be too loaded of a term for him right now. So he might go with simply telling you out loud that he likes you.

When he cares about you, he will want you to know about it so that you don’t get the wrong idea.

Since he’s serious about you, he will want you to know.

9. 'I want you all to myself'

Every guy knows deep down that if he doesn’t get you to be exclusive with him, another guy could.

Trying to monopolize your time (within reason) and bringing up the "let’s be exclusive" talk and all things he thinks about when he likes you.

RELATED: 5 Confusing Things Guys Do That Mean They Like You

10. 'I hope she doesn’t go too fast'

When a guy really likes you and sees long-term potential with you, he will actually want you to go slowly when it comes to the bedroom

He will put you on a little bit of a pedestal. He wants to feel like you don’t have sex with every man who crosses your path.

It’s old-fashioned, but when a man really likes you, he tries to make sure you don’t feel pressured to have sex too soon since that could upset you and ruin things.

Your feelings will take the highest priority.

RELATED: 4 Ways To Get A Man To Think About You All. The. Time.

Elizabeth Stone is an author, dating coach, and personal development coach who helps women restore themselves in order to improve their relationships.