4 Ways To Get A Man To Think About You All. The. Time.

How to never leave his mind.

photo of author provided by author courtesy of the author

There is little that can compare in this life to the persistence of your beautiful mind. It drives you and guides you and even helps you avoid getting hit by cars. Our minds extricate us from the dull and dangerous tendencies of a purely physical world. They allow us to sleep. They allow us to dream. They compute our twisted logic into coherent (or in my case, slightly coherent) thoughts.

And perhaps best of all — or perhaps worst of all, depending on who you are at any given moment — our minds flood our hearts with a certain face that has overwhelmed our every sense and feel. If there's a certain someone on your mind, you know exactly what I'm talking about. 


With that said, I have no idea about what you're supposed to do if you're married or in a relationship, yet your mind flashes shots of a totally different person other than your partner across the Big Screen behind your eyes every other minute. That's a tough one. Do or die, I guess. 

But for the rest of us, for those of us who are single and legit, crossing someone's mind is a beautiful thing. (At least, when it's someone who's not a stalker standing in your yard in the middle of the night holding a three-pound paper bag of dog poop and a lighter.) And as far as that goes, what smears your own image all up and down someone else's imagination varies wildly from skull to skull. 


I can only speak for myself, but I'm about to tell you some things women have done that made them stick in MY mind like wild honey on the wall.  

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I'm a man. And I love women. And I'm single. (Not for long after this article runs!) Above and beyond everything else: I dream of crossing a certain woman's mind all the time. Like when she's washing the dishes and when she's driving down the road and maybe even when she's kissing another guy.


I daydream about her daydreaming of me. I drift off to bed many nights wishing she might be thinking about me lying there in her own bed at that exact same moment. I wonder stuff; I wonder if she wonders what my laugh might sound like in a hotel bed in Paris on a bright October Sunday morning. (Jesus. Even I don't know what that sounds like.)

It's a crap shoot, this crossing ladies' minds, or getting stuck up in them. And there are no guarantees.

But here are a few things that I can tell you, truthfully, as a man with blood boiling in my veins, that certain women have done which allowed them to crawl up into my brain and live there for at least a little while:

1. Don't sleep with him just yet.

Is that old-fashioned? I don't care if it is. There's just no denying that there is something essential and fine about the woman who walks away from you at the end of what has been a spectacular evening. You watch her stride, her sway. You watch to see if she looks back at you again. The goodnight kiss is still bouncing off of your jawbone and pinging off of your teeth.

Oh, what sweet merciful fortune to NOT be unzipping each other's crap in the back of your car out in the parking lot right now. There's nothing liberating or modern or progressive about that. It's a physical swan dive into an emotional paper cup. You get off, she probably doesn't. Even if she does, then what?


Better to be the bearer of mystique. Blind me in your dizzying lights. It will never be better than it is right now. 

Do you get what I'm saying? It isn't even about sex. It's about shine. It's about essence. It's about beauty. It's about Ubering it out of there if you really want to stay on his mind.

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2. Sleep with him on the first date.

I know, right? I told you this stuff is whack. There are no hard, fast rules to any of this. Because it happened and now he can't stop thinking about you, because guess what? You exploded his mind. You did it. I hope you're happy. I hope you weren't just looking for a one-night thing because you've made him bonkers now, lady.


And he didn't expect that. He was so into your way, your groove. The way you talk. Your mind, your intellect drifting out of your mouth smelling like the IPA you were drinking and all that laughing together, and then what? In the back of the cab. Down in the subway corners. Apartment. House. Key fumble/giggling/a glass of wine that never even got drunk. Boom. Done. 

That can work. It can put you in his mind. My god, it can work. And if you are who you think you are and he is way more than so many others, then it can put you up there in his mind in a way that transcends all space and time. You can sleep with someone the first time you've ever met them and also fall crazy madly in love with them. And it can last. 

Just depends on you. And them. Confusing? Oh hell yeah. Worth a shot? Up to you. 

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3. Show kindness.

People confuse kindness with weakness. That's a problem. Kind people aren't weak; they're strong — probably stronger than you and me a lot of the time. It takes guts to be nice to someone, to go out on a limb and really listen to them when they're down or help them when they need it. Especially if that person treating you kindly is someone you are seeing/dating/sleeping with.

Kind neighbors are a beautiful thing. Kind friends are a beautiful thing. You being kind to the old lady in the parking lot who dropped her car keys down into a sewer grate is a beautiful thing. But they're not the SAME thing. 

Because if a man is a man in the real sense of the word (I have no idea what that means; just run with me across these fields), then kindness coming from a woman who keeps crossing his mind is only going to keep her crossing his mind, more and more, until he either makes a play for her or somehow ruin everything in a historical display of tragic mindless ineptitude. 

A kind woman on a man's mind is good. A kind woman who keeps crossing his mind is magic. 


4. Remember: two like minds attract each other. 

At the end of the day, sleep with him on a Tinder binge, hold off until everything seems right — it doesn't even matter if your mind is pure and true to his. Racists unite. So do fools and jerks. But never let that stop you from understanding that fascinating minds and hearts also unite.

And when they do, when they come together and suddenly understand that "This is happening. This is real. This person is saying and feeling and living and crying and hurting and wishing and wanting and listening to and reading so many of the same things that I am too," they burst through all the cruel walls of silence and loneliness and doubt and fear that we all end up mired in at some point. 

A woman's mind is potentially more powerful than all the stars falling out of the sky at once. And her heart? Even more so. So mind the connections. If you have them with him and you're happy/scared about that, and you feel them stampeding across your bones, heed them with respect. Chances are he feels them, too. Chances are he's thinking about them right now.


Up in his mind. Where you stay. Even when he's brushing his teeth in the morning. Even when he's looking at your pictures on Facebook, smiling and wondering out loud, "What is happening to me?"

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Serge Bielanko is a writer and musician whose work has been published on Babble, Huffington Post, Mom.me, and Yahoo.