Love

What Happened When I Hired An Astrologer To Fix My Love Life

Photo: Look Studio / Shutterstock
woman looking down

When an astrologer I met at a party told me she could help my love life, my interest was seriously piqued.

More so than the time I discovered Old Bay popcorn.

RELATED: Man Explains Why He Is Adopting His Stepdaughter, But Not His Stepson — Asks If It Makes Him A 'Bad Person'

Sure, I believe in psychics and have had tarot readings up the wazoo (don’t tell anyone), but I always poo-pooed astrology.

The idea that something is set in stone based on the planets seemed too ridiculous to believe. What on earth does a bunch of stars vaguely shaped like a goat have to do with anything?

Though I'm a Capricorn, I'm hardly the stodgy type, as astrology makes us goats out to be.

Besides, I have free will and I'm my own special little snowflake. Duh.

However, as Thy the astrologer explained, astrology goes way deeper than your sun sign.

Astrology is a complex and detailed study with various elements affecting your chart, from your rising sign, your Venus sign, asteroids, houses, and much more.

The various parts of your chart mix and mingle together to create the unique person that is you.

It’s like I had been eating paella this whole time and thinking it was just about rice.

I was still a bit skeptical. But what if she was right?

I had to get to the bottom of this. Besides, she did have a five-star rating on Yelp. Could her advice help me during a rocky patch with my partner?

There was only one way to find out.

I set up an appointment with Thy, the astrologer to fix my love life and here’s what I learned:

1. Aries is all about passion — and I have a lot of Aries in my chart

Check this out: I have a ton of Aries in my chart, which explains why I never quite related to my Sun sign, Capricorn.

Sure, I'm hardworking and ambitious, but I never felt as slow-moving and boring as the typical Capricorn is described.

As far as love goes, Aries resides in my Moon and 7th House.

This means I like things to be instantaneous, passionate, and intense.

Aries in my 7th House suggests that I prefer a partner with a take-charge personality, who is independent and full of energy, and who will stand up for you when you need someone by your side.

Thy just met me and she was reading me like an IKEA instruction pamphlet.

RELATED: Maid Of Honor Debates Skipping Best Friend's Wedding After She Asks Her Not To Be In Photos

Or, rather, the cosmos were. I absolutely cannot stand people who are wishy-washy and slow-moving.

Every single relationship I have ever had has started quickly with a strong passion right from the get-go.

When I first met J, it was so intense, I felt like one of those old-timey cartoons where my eyes bug out of my head.

In addition to my eyes freaking out, my head was buzzing and my mouth went dry like I had been chewing on cotton for the past 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, J was sweating so nervously, he was beginning to pit out.

Our relationship was so crazy, we saw each other 10 times in those first two weeks.

While most of my friends would find this insane, it worked for us. Because J’s 7th House is also in Aries.

No wonder it was a fiery explosion!

2. Opposites in Mercury mean a communication breakdown

As Thy told me I’m the “the b**** of the zodiac,” I laughed because if you ask me, that’s a compliment.

I'm intensely blunt and don’t like small talk.

With all of my relationships, if we can’t have a meaningful conversation, it’s over.

I’m also not afraid to confront someone or be direct.

This can be tricky since J has his Mercury in Cancer.

His communication style is the complete opposite. He needs to mull things over and can often mask his feelings with walls, which drives me bananas.  

This is the area where Thy warned we may have trouble. “He may not fully communicate unless he feels safe around you. For you, the trick is to get to a place where he feels safe to communicate.”

Ah ha! Thy gave me a light bulb moment.

On the outside, J has a hard exterior, but on the inside, he’s total mush.

So when I go into a blunt, direct, confrontational mode, he clams up and goes back into his shell.

This whole time I thought he was just being a pain in the butt (as I’m sure he thought about me), when it turns out it’s just his Mercury in Cancer.

I realized I could still be direct with J but I had to soften my approach a bit. Perhaps this would allow him to open up more instead of throwing up walls.

RELATED: Dad Asks If He’s Wrong For Framing & Displaying Son’s DNA Test To Get Back At His Parents

3. Moody Gemini can cause insecurity

My Moon is in Aries (Aries again!), while J’s is in Gemini.

Both of these signs require an intellectual connection and a lot of stimulation.

But where I'm going to be fierier, J is going to be moodier. He’s in his head a lot and when he becomes a bit glum, I can end up taking it personally.

Picture someone with the emotional temperament of Elle Woods with someone like James Dean.

His mercurial nature has definitely ignited my own insecurities at times.

Generally speaking, I'm always cheery. If I’m feeling grumpy, there’s a definitive reason.

Like I broke a fingernail or there’s a bug eating one of my plants. J, on the other hand, can be moody just because.

Over time, J’s moodiness has grown on me.

Kind of like a fungus, but a good one. I back off when he’s in a mood and let him have his space.

He’s never rude or mean, just a little quieter, and in the grand scheme of things, it’s not really a huge deal.

4. Fire signs light sexual chemistry on fire

Both J and I have our Mars in Leo, which means our sexual chemistry is on fire! I definitely didn’t need Thy to tell me that, but it was nice to hear the stars affirm our shared passion.

The best part about sharing the same sign in Leo is that we energetically match each other, so the chances we will get bored of each other are slim.

Overall, J and I are really compatible. Like, salt and pepper compatible.

Peanut butter and jelly compatible. Gin and juice compatible. You get what I’m saying.

In addition to the same rising sign (Libra) and Mars in Leo, almost all of our houses are the same, making us incredibly harmonious in many ways.

The major challenge is our communication.

They suggested showing my softer side and showing more vulnerability as that will help him open up. Vulnerability has never been a strength of mine, mostly due to my own fears of getting hurt and (as I just learned) my Venus in Capricorn.

So does seeking the advice of the stars work?

After months of being annoyed and watching J clam up, things are finally getting better.

I stopped using my fire when I needed to address things and relied on the gentler side of me.

I began to open up more about my fears and insecurities instead of just pretending I don’t have any. And, lo and behold, the crab came out of his shell.

J started becoming less moody and more upbeat, lighthearted, and affectionate.

It’s almost like our negative qualities diminished, leaving our more positive ones to move to the forefront.

It was like magic ... or maybe just astrology.

RELATED: Man Asks If He's Wrong For Missing Son's Graduation To Attend Stepdaughter's Birthday Party

Rachel Khona has written for The New York Times, The Washington Post, Playboy, Penthouse, Maxim, and Cosmopolitan among others. 

Sign up for YourTango's free newsletter!