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Which was more important?
By Nia Tipton — Written on Jul 22, 2022
A father who decided to attend his stepdaughter's birthday party instead of his son's graduation party is now asking Reddit if he made the right choice.
Posting to the subreddit "AITA" (Am I The A-hole), the father, 46, explained that he has two sons, Andy, 20, and Sam, 18, from his previous marriage.
He divorced their mother seven years ago, remarried, and has been in his step-daughter, Emma's, life for the past six years.
"I love her to death, and I see her as my own kid," he wrote in the Reddit post.
This past June, Sam graduated and was having a party to celebrate, which was on the same day as Emma's 11th birthday party.
"She was really excited about her birthday and told me she wanted me to stay for her party. I said I’d try and call my son about it," he wrote.
The man decided he wanted to be with his stepdaughter rather than his son.
The day before both of their parties, the father told his son that he would "try and stop by," but Sam was insistent that he wanted his father to stay for the entire party.
The father repeated the same sentiment, telling his son that he also wanted to go to Emma's birthday party as well, which was something that his wife and he had been planning for over a month.
Sam's only response was an "okay," before he hung up the phone.
On the day of the parties, the man's wife told him that he should go to Sam's party instead of Emma's, something he had already been planning to do, except Emma was adamant about him staying.
"I didn’t want her to be sad at her party, so I agreed and told them I would just leave later. Emma’s party was from 4-6 and Sam’s was from 4:30-7:30, so I was thinking I had plenty of time," he explained.
The man only lived about an hour away from his son and was planning on leaving early so he could make it to Sam's party with enough time to spare.
"Anyway, I was helping my wife with a lot of stuff, taking care of the kids, and other things. By then, it’s already 6 pm and I feel bad. I have so many things to help my wife with for cleaning up, and since I live over an hour away, I know I can’t make it."
The father reasoned that he did attend his son's graduation, and assumed that just going over to Sam's house the day after the party would be fine. Unfortunately, he was wrong.
When he called him the next day, Sam was angry at his father for missing his party.
"[He kept] saying I love Emma more than 'my biological kid,' and that I always forget about him. He then tells me he doesn’t want me to come the next day and doesn’t want me to talk to him," the father wrote.
The father explained that he hadn't missed any of his son's events and felt that Sam was overreacting, but did admit that he had missed Sam's 18th birthday because of a big meeting that was scheduled on the same day.
The father tried apologizing to Sam, but his son was too angry to accept it. Both his wife and ex-wife told him that he should have gone to Sam's graduation party instead of Emma's birthday party.
"My oldest son says I always choose Emma over him (which is not true) and that I was being a horrible father. I do feel bad, but I lost track of time. He won’t talk to me and neither will my oldest son," he concluded.
Under the Reddit post, most users agreed that the father was the a-hole in the situation.
"Idk my guy, in this case, you absolutely DID choose Emma over him. It doesn't help that you say at least twice that he's overreacting, trying to negate his feelings on the issue," one user wrote.
Another user added: "You couldve [sic] done both things, but catered to your stepdaughter. It wasnt [sic] even a round or particularly important birthday either, whilst a graduation is an actual accomplishment. Especially on top of you missing his 18th birthday which is one of the important birthdays."
Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics. Keep up with her on Instagram and Twitter.