11 Things A Man Should Never Give To A Woman No Matter How Long They've Been Together
No matter how long a man has been with a woman, giving her these things can rapidly erode their relationship.
Stivog / Shutterstock When a man feels deeply committed to a woman and wants their relationship to thrive, it can feel difficult for him to set firm boundaries and understand what’s appropriate to offer and what’s not. In such cases, he may resort to behaviors that are passive-aggressive, manipulative, or otherwise damaging to both parties.
Just as giving too much of oneself may contribute to a one-sided relationship, where one person consistently feels less valued, in control, or heard by the other, but resentment is bound to negatively affect both when a man tries to control a woman's love. Because of this, there are many things a man should never give to a woman, no matter how long they’ve been together, even if they seem like no big deal or the only way to get what he wants at the time.
Here are 11 things a man should never give to a woman no matter how long they’ve been together
1. Unsolicited advice
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Unsolicited and unprompted advice is one of the things a man should never give to a woman, no matter how long they’ve been together. Not only is it generally dismissive and invalidating for the person receiving it, but it also overlooks the opportunity that lies in simply listening and supporting.
If they think they have a piece of advice that they believe would truly help their partner more than just emotional support, phrases like “Are you open to advice?” or “Would you like advice or support?” can be a powerful way to facilitate respectful, healthy conversations.
2. The silent treatment
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Many people argue that the silent treatment is better described as “noisy silence,” because it’s characterized by one partner withholding attention and conversation, oftentimes at the expense of their spouse’s internal well-being. Not only does it encourage them to overthink every interaction and take on a great deal of anxiety, but it also sabotages the foundations of healthy communication that couples need to thrive.
That’s why it’s one of the things a man should never give to a woman, no matter how long they’ve been together. Of course, natural space to gather thoughts, reflect, and regulate emotions can be healthy, but intentionally avoiding conversations and quality time can only further contribute to the disconnect they may already have.
3. Mixed signals
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Mixed signals, such as saying one thing and doing another or withholding affection, are a trait that’s commonly found in juvenile relationships. It’s something that people who lack a strong sense of self or empathy often resort to to get what they want, without considering the needs of others.
That’s why mixed signals are something a man should never give to a woman. It not only sparks more disconnection and resentment in their entire relationship, but it also encourages their partner to constantly seek out attention and engagement for their basic needs.
If you’re feeling confused about what you want in a relationship, especially in a marriage or long-term partnership, express that to your partner. They deserve clarity, honesty, and openness, even if it’s uncomfortable.
4. Inconsistency
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According to social psychology expert Jeremy Nicholson, people who value consistency in their lives are more likely to commit to a partner and craft a healthy relationship. They not only make commitments and keep them, but they are also honest, open, and intentional about how they spend their time.
However, when a partner doesn’t keep their promises, shows up late, or is relatively consistent with offering things like affection in a relationship, it can spark disconnect and negatively affect relationship satisfaction. That’s why it’s important for men to never offer inconsistency to their partners, no matter how long they’ve been together, even if it’s a means of self-soothing or coping for them as individuals.
5. Pressure to act a certain way
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A partner’s sense of individuality and personhood contributes significantly to marital satisfaction, according to a study published in the Journal of Personality, which is why it’s so important to harness and embrace a partner’s authenticity as their spouse. Even if it’s sometimes uncomfortable for an introvert to be around their extroverted partner in public, shutting them down and pushing them into an inauthentic box only crafts resentment.
That’s why pressure to act or behave in a certain way is a thing a man should never give to a woman, no matter how long they’ve been together. Of course, if they’re feeling uncomfortable, they should express that and work toward a happy compromise on things like spending money, going out, or speaking to each other, but policing their identity is a red flag.
6. Disrespect
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According to psychology expert Marty Nemko, mutual respect is a requirement for healthy relationships, whether it’s a romantic one or not. Respect can look wildly different depending on the couple, but for the most part, it’s accepting partners for who they are and treating them with dignity.
When a partner starts to act disrespectfully toward their spouse, doing things like speaking negatively behind their backs or calling them names in the heat of an argument, that’s a red flag that they don’t value or appreciate your well-being. As a study published in the International Psychogeriatrics journal explained, “considerate and conscious attention” is the foundation for respect in a relationship, so if a man starts to be deliberately avoidant or rude, they’re offering disrespect, not love.
7. Weaponized incompetence
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Weaponized incompetence, or feigning ignorance to avoid responsibility, is something that many women experience in their romantic partnerships, especially with men, as women tend to take on a large portion of household and invisible labor.
Rather than learning new skills or putting in the effort to do things like chores at home, men who weaponize incompetence use phrases like “I don’t know how” or “you’re better at this than I am” to avoid them.
This kind of behavior is one of the things a man should never give to a woman, no matter how long they’ve been together, because even if each partner has a set of typical responsibilities, it’s impossible to be 50/50 all the time. At some point, you’ll need support from your partner, and if they pretend to be incapable of providing it, that’s a red flag.
8. Double standards
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Constantly holding your partner to a double standard is a quick way to prompt disconnection. From expecting a woman to stick to a budget while he spends as much as he wants to demanding alone time for himself while never allowing her the same without becoming jealous or hurt, double standards are something a man should never give to a woman, no matter how long they've been together.
In some cases, these double standards can even be forms of emotional manipulation, sabotaging trust and sparking a more unbalanced dynamic in long-term partnerships.
9. Taxing emotional labor
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Many women take on the heavy responsibility of managing the emotional labor for both partners in a relationship, whether it’s suppressing their own emotions or comfort or walking their partner through regulating their own.
Even if they’re still learning to embrace their vulnerability and practice openness in their relationship, demanding a woman do emotional labor without recognition or appreciation is one of the things a man should never give to a woman, no matter how long they’ve been together.
10. Ultimatums
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Ultimatums can often drive a wedge between partners in a relationship, even if the person offering it gets what they want, whether it’s something small like extra attention or large like an engagement. You can never control another person’s behavior, even in a relationship, but you can set boundaries, express expectations, and choose what kind of behavior you’re willing to tolerate.
Regardless of how long you’ve been with someone, an ultimatum is something you should never give to your partner, at least, not if you’re interested in preserving a foundation of trust, respect, and open communication.
11. Compromises on your values
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Building a healthy partnership with someone else requires a degree of give-and-take, but there are certain things that you should never compromise on. According to a study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies, the only way to have a truly beneficial compromise in a relationship is to have full reciprocity, where both partners are happy and enthusiastic about the result, not uncomfortable and resentful.
Especially when it comes to important, personal things like values or lifestyles, compromising not only sabotages your authenticity and well-being but also infuses a sense of resentment into a relationship. Even if things don’t erupt immediately, it’s often inevitable that they will, considering one partner is giving up something in their life that’s impossible to recreate.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
