Heartbreak

5 Reasons Why Your Married Man Always Breaks His Promises

Photo: Pink Coffee Studio / shutterstock.com
handsome gray-haired man in glasses

Have you been having an affair because your married man always breaks his promises?

You once thought he was your soul mate, and that you were meant to be together forever. Lately, you are struggling to understand why he never keeps a promise that he makes.

Why does he tell you he loves you out of one side of his mouth and then lie to you with the other? How could someone who loves you do that? How could you spend the rest of your life with someone you can’t trust?

I totally get it and have been there. In retrospect, I know exactly what is going on. It is time that you decide to keep going on the way you are, or you can find a solution so you can be happy.

RELATED: How To Let Go Of A Married Man, Even If You Still Love Him

Here are reasons why your married man always breaks his promises so that you can decide what to do about it.

1. He is making promises that he can’t keep.

The number one, and most obvious, reason your married man always breaks his promises is because he makes promises that he just can’t keep.

I know that, back in the day, my married man always made me promises, big and small.

He would promise that he would be there for dinner or that we could go away for the weekend or that he would call me at a certain time. And then none of those things would happen.

He would also promise me that he would leave his wife and that we would be together forever and that never happened.

All of those promises were ones that he just couldn’t keep. For the small things, life would just get in the way and they wouldn’t happen. For THE big one, I know now that, for him to do that, it would have taken a tremendous amount of strength and fortitude, something that he just didn’t have.

I do believe that he wanted to be with me, ultimately, but he just couldn’t make it happen. There was, for him, too much at stake to leave his wife. He knew his finances would be destroyed and that he wouldn’t see his kids all the time and that his social life would suffer.

And yet, even though he knew this, he kept on promising to leave his wife, I think hoping that one day the stars would align and he could do so without causing all the damage that he was afraid of.

And that time never came. Shocking…

RELATED: I'm The Other Woman And Loving Your Husband Hurts Me, Too

2. You just aren't his priority.

I know that he says that you are the only one for him and that he puts you and your feelings first every time, but the reality is is that he just doesn’t. He might want to, but he doesn’t.

There is work, family, friends, working out, and chores. All of those things are things that must get done. And none of them are things that are a secret, like you are.

I know that, when my married man promised me that he would come see me on the weekend and then he had to work, he always had to choose work.

Why? Because it wasn’t like he could tell work that he couldn’t make it in because he had promised his lover that he would visit her. Nor could he tell his family or his friends or anyone else that I existed.

As a result, whenever something came up, I was the one who was cast to the side.

When we are in a real relationship, where no one is kept secret, we are an open part of any equation in a decision being made. As you might know, a man will try to put his wife first because when she is happy, he is happy. The same would happen with a girlfriend.

Instead of putting everything else first without considering you, your man would be able to openly share with others that he has to consider you when making plans.

However, now you are a secret. You are the one who he has to hide from everyone. And, as a result, even if he wanted to, he just can’t make you a priority.

And that, I am afraid, is one reason why your married man always breaks his promises.

RELATED: Is He Taking Advantage Of You? 8 Signs You're Trying Way Too Hard To Make Your Relationship Work

3. He knows that you will let him get away with what he does.

So, be honest with yourself — when your married man breaks his promises, do you always forgive him?

I am guessing that you get really pissed off and that you let him know it. Perhaps you make the decision to walk away forever, knowing that you just can’t deal with the lies anymore. Perhaps you actually do walk away, heartbroken.

BUT, do you always go back? I am guessing that, in spite of the broken promises, you truly believe that he is the love of your life. You believe once he leaves his wife, he will stop breaking his promises, and you will live happily ever after, so back you go.

If he knows that you will take him back, why would he make any real effort to make any change, to keep the promises that he makes?

The best thing that you could do if your married man always breaks his promises is to get up and walk away. Walk away until he does leave his wife and is willing to put you first.

I mean, if you had a boyfriend who was always breaking his promises, would you stay, forgiving him every time for his actions? I am guessing probably not!

If you always forgive your man when he breaks his promises, I am afraid that you are as much the source of your heartbreak as he is because you stick around and take it!

RELATED: 5 Reasons Why Your Married Man Won't Let You Move On

4. He might just be a liar.

It might not surprise you to hear that your married man just might be a liar. I mean, after all, he is stepping out on his wife and, at this point, lying has probably a habit that he can’t control.

Men who are cheating on their wives are often men who have a hard time owning their behaviors.

Men who feel badly about themselves. Men who know that they are letting people down. And, when they feel so badly about themselves, they can develop patterns of behavior that are toxic. And lying is one of them.

I know that, with my married guy, when we first met he was very honest with me. We shared all of our hopes and dreams and his unhappiness and from that sharing our love grew.

But, as time went on and our relationship became more complicated, he stopped being the open and forthright person he had always been.  He knew that he was letting me down and he didn't want to do that.

So, to try to keep me from feeling bad, he made promises that he knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep. And he did that over and over and over in spite of how much worse it made me feel than if he hadn’t made them

And, knowing that I wouldn’t leave him, even if he lied, gave him the permission to do so, over and over and over. We developed this pattern where he lied and promised to never do it again and I forgave him and we were happy until it did happen again.

Reflect on your relationship. Has it changed over the months or years, from one that is based on honesty to one that is rife with lies? I am guessing it probably has!

RELATED: Will He Leave His Wife For You? 3 Reasons Why A Married Man Will Never Leave His Wife

5. He knows he can’t give you what you really want.

The main reason why your married man always breaks his promises — because he knows that, ultimately, he won’t be able to give you what you want — him.

Your married man does love you. I am sure of that. He wants to have you in his life because you give him pleasure and allow him to step away from his humdrum life, even if just for a little bit. And, because of that love, he doesn’t want to lie to you but he feels like he has to, to protect himself and you.

So, the two of you are doing this dance, a pretend waltz, trying to create a universe where you will be able to be together. And that universe is one built on broken promises and fear for the future.

Unfortunately, more often than not, affairs such as these do end. One of the participants realizes that they must let go because the pain is too great, and that person is usually the woman.

And the men will do anything for them to stay and so they make more promises, desperate to keep them in their lives, even if they know that they can’t keep them.

RELATED: 10 Inevitable Things That Happen When You Are A Mistress

It is so heartbreaking to know that your married man always breaks his promises.

I know that you love him and that you truly believe that you are soulmates but I am here to tell you that that is not true. Your married man is just another damaged soul, one who just doesn’t know what to do next.

As a result, they take the easy way out — making promises and then breaking them.

It’s up to you now. Do you want to continue on this gerbil wheel of being lied to, of waiting around for your married man to leave his wife and be with you?

Do you want to continue to forgive him, hoping that things will change? Can you truly still love someone who lies to you over and over and over?

You only have one life to live — are you truly living it the way you want to?

If not, make change!  You can do it! I promise.

RELATED: The 7 Steps (Almost) Every Marriage Experiences Before A Major Affair

Mitzi Bockmann is a certified life coach and relationship coach with ten years of experience in helping people find happiness in life and love.

Sign up for YourTango's free newsletter!

This article was originally published at Let Your Dreams Begin. Reprinted with permission from the author.