11 Things That Don’t Really Happen When You’re Dating Anymore That Were Common Even A Few Years Ago
ArkHawt / Shutterstock As someone who just filed for divorce, I found myself a “stranger in a strange land” in the new dating landscape. Though I was only married a couple of years ago, I quickly realized I was in over my head when I started trying my luck.
The dating scene is changing, and there are tons of things that don't really happen when you're dating anymore that were common even a few years ago. Here are the biggest changes I've noticed since back in the 2010s.
These are 11 things that don’t really happen when you’re dating anymore that were common even a few years ago
1. Using Tinder or other dating apps
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To a point, this isn’t that surprising. Tinder and other online dating apps have gotten a bad rep due to… well, the awful experiences women have had on them. Tinder, in particular, has been licking its wounds with a 7% drop in users in a single quarter.
Hinge and other competitors have been gaining steam, but the general vibe is pretty clear. Online dating isn't what it used to be, and most people try to avoid it if possible.
2. Dating without the help of AI
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Have you ever gotten a friend to snap a photo of you for your dating profile? If so, you did the maximum amount of outsourcing that people used to do to clinch a date. These days, dating is a lot more involved, and a lot of what it involves includes AI.
Growing numbers of people are turning to AI or even paid services to help lonely singles connect. A New York Times article recently revealed that people are increasingly reliant on chatbots, AI matchmakers, and even AI filters to find a mate.
3. Taking the risk of not doing a background check on the person you're interested in
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This is a personal observation, but I noticed that women are far more cautious about dating than they used to be. In the 2000s, women didn’t always do background checks on guys or have a safety call. They just went out and had fun.
These days, the risks of going on a date are better known. So, there are more safety apps, women vet dates more, and they also tend to do background checks. After all, dating stakes got higher. Why shouldn’t standards?
4. Planning dates instead of winging it with last-minute invites
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Not long ago, planning a date was considered a basic sign of interest and respect. Making plans in advance communicated intention, effort, and emotional availability, all of which are strongly associated with relationship satisfaction. Research shows that perceived partner responsiveness, including planning and follow-through, plays a major role in building trust early in dating. When someone takes the time to plan, it signals that you’re a priority, not a convenience.
In contrast, last-minute invites often activate uncertainty rather than excitement. Inconsistent or low-effort behaviors can trigger anxiety, even when chemistry exists. Modern dating culture has normalized spontaneity as “low pressure,” but psychology shows that consistency, not unpredictability, is what allows attraction to deepen. The shift away from planned dates has made dating made it less secure.
5. Dating without clear intentions
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I’m fairly shocked to see this come back into style, but it’s a thing. In the 2000s and 2010s, most women felt an odd pressure to hide what they wanted from a date. This often led to men taking advantage of women by stringing them along in situationships.
These days, both men and women are sick of situationships and “almost” relationships. Intentional dating, or saying what you’re looking for upfront, is the new “it” thing. This means dating with a clear goal in mind and cutting loose anyone who isn’t working towards the same vision.
6. Not caring about a potential love interest's political views
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To absolutely no one’s surprise, politics matter far more these days than they did in the past. The current landscape means many people simply won’t date someone who isn’t on the same political side as them. It’s totally reasonable, too.
This particular dating trend is most noticeable with women, with Newsweek noting that 72% of the women polled in one survey believe being politically aligned "is at least 'somewhat important' when choosing a partner," 69% report that "they would filter matches by political alignment if possible," and 83% stating they would be willing to break things off with someone because of "different political beliefs." The fact that so many women now vet men based on their answers to political questions is something that wasn't even a thing back in the early 2000s when I first started dating!
7. Dating one person at a time by default
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Dating one person at a time used to be the unspoken norm. This approach allowed people to fully experience chemistry, emotional connection, and compatibility without constant comparison. Research has found that having too many options can actually reduce satisfaction and increase decision paralysis, a phenomenon known as the paradox of choice. When attention is split across multiple people, emotional depth tends to suffer.
Modern dating apps encourage dating multiple people as a form of self-protection, but relationship researchers note that emotional investment is harder to sustain when people remain partially disengaged. Focusing on one connection increases empathy, accountability, and honest communication. Even a few years ago, dating one person at a time was all about presence, which is increasingly rare in modern dating.
8. Women being the ones worried about staying single forever
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Perhaps one of the most striking things I’ve noticed is the switch-up between men and women when it comes to worries about remaining single. On the whole, women are now more likely than perhaps ever to be single and happy with it.
Men, on the other hand, seem to be having a low-key panic. Everywhere I’ve been, I’ve noticed guys being more commitment-ready than before. Contrary to the whole trope of women dragging men down the aisle, men are now more likely to be interested in marriage than women. And a Pew Research Center survey of 12th graders found that "boys are more likely than girls to say they want to get married someday (74% vs. 61%)," which is a total flip from the way things used to be.
9. Talking on the phone for a while before a first date
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Phone calls once served as a crucial bridge between texting and in-person chemistry. Hearing someone’s voice provides emotional cues, such as tone, pacing, and warmth, that text simply can’t convey. A phone call helped establish comfort, filter incompatibility, and reduce first-date anxiety before anyone invested time or emotional energy.
Today, phone calls are often skipped in favor of endless texting or sudden in-person meetings, but this can backfire. Talking on the phone used to be a practical way to build connection and safety. Its disappearance has removed an important step that once made dating feel more intentional and emotionally grounded.
10. Ending things with an honest conversation
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Breaking things off with a direct, respectful conversation used to be considered basic decency. While uncomfortable, it provided clarity, closure, and a sense of mutual respect. Ambiguity often increases emotional distress more than rejection itself.
In contrast, modern practices like ghosting or slow fading often leave the other person stuck in a loop of uncertainty. Avoiding an honest conversation may feel easier in the moment, but it shifts emotional labor onto the person who is being left.
11. Mistreating someone without all of your potential next dates knowing about it
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Did you ever wish you could get a warning label put on that one super-toxic ex? In the past, many people who had been victimized by abusers were silenced through gaslighting or the abuser flexing their reputation.
These days, it’s not so easy for abusers to keep their image pristine. People talk way more about how someone has behaved in past relationships. In fact, there are now dedicated Facebook groups made to warn women about potentially abusive men and cheaters. So, it seems like the trend is that we’re holding one another to higher standards. I’m okay with that!
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
