8 Essential Dating Habits That Will Change The Rest Of Your Life (If You Let Them)
Sincerely Media | Unsplash Modern dating is messed up. Completely, totally messed up. People are confused, guarded, half-honest, and often not very kind about what they want or how they treat each other. If you’ve dated in the last few years, you’ve probably felt that exhaustion firsthand. The good news is that fixing modern dating does not require genius, luck, or mind games. It requires better habits.
These aren’t revolutionary ideas, but in today’s dating world, they can feel shockingly rare. Think of this list as a practical starting point for healthier dating habits that actually change your life, not a set of rigid rules or a cure-all. You can take them one at a time or try them all at once. Just don’t ignore them. If more people dated this way, modern dating would feel a whole lot less broken.
Here are 8 essential dating habits that will change the rest of your life (if you let them):
1. Know what you want
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Sounds simple, but I bet if you asked a bunch of people who are actively dating what it is they want in a life partner, most would look back at you with a mix of confusion and mistrust. I don’t care what it is you want, but you'd better know what it is.
2. Be honest from the start
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That’s it. Be honest. With every person, every time. If all you want is a physical relationship, say that before you get physical.
There are plenty of people out there who also just want a physical relationship. You will find them if you tell the truth, and you will simultaneously do this magical thing called not lying to people, so they will be intimate with you.
If you want a boy/girl/non-binary person-friend but not something serious and long-term, say that before you pair off with someone whose life plan includes marriage and kids in the next five years. If you want to date lots of people casually or not casually or for the rest of your life, say so. If your life plan includes marriage and kids in the next five years, say so.
Give people all the information so they can decide if they want to get caught up in the particular web you are weaving before they find themselves already caught and feeling misled because they thought you were talking about the movie Black Widow and not your dating MO. This will also help prevent one person from pressuring the other to change their life plan because their feelings have made breaking up pretty painful to consider. (Unless someone changes what they want. Which happens. Because, of course it does.)
3. Accept people at their word
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When people tell you what is true, listen hard and — here’s the important part — believe them. “Hey, I think you’re super attractive and cool but you’ve got a kid and I’m not a kid person” should be the point at which you say, “Well, I’ve got a kid, so I’m not a 'you' person, good luck to you,” and not the point at which you determine to make them fall in love with your kid so they can fall in love with you.
Now, substitute the kid thing for any other true-but-kind-of-a-dealbreaker statement. Don’t tell yourself a story about why it’s okay. It’s not okay. Move on.
4. Show interest when you feel it
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News flash: If someone you’re dating has to wonder if you are into them, you’re doing it wrong. (And they should drop you immediately.) Don’t be coy. Don’t play power games.
If you like them, show it. Don’t make them guess. I don’t know why this is even a thing that people do, but it is literally the worst way to go about obtaining all the things we are trying to get by dating. Stop it.
5. Take no for an answer without complaining
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No means no. Period. It’s not the start of a negotiation or a signal for you to implement a long-term plan to change that no to a yes. No means no. And while we’re at it, stop complaining about the friendzone.
The friend zone is not a thing, but rather in the minds of people who think they are more important than another person’s disinterest. If someone doesn’t want to date you but does want to be your friend, that is not a loss. Complaining about it makes you a jerk. Don’t be a jerk.
6. End things like a grown adult
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Unless someone you are involved with is abusive or unhinged, disappearing on them is mean, and super-cowardly. Contrary to popular belief, your phone’s algorithm will allow you to actually contact a person to let them know you no longer wish to date them. Yes, really. Check Snopes.
So, if you can spend weeks or months sliding into their DMs or sliding into their jeans, you can figure out how to use one of the 42 communication functions on your phone to let them know that it ain’t gonna be happening again.
7. Work on your own emotional baggage
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Self-awareness is a beautiful thing. Getting some will help you be a human good being and help minimize the damage you do to other people. Win-win. Get thee to a therapist, stat.
8. Treat people like actual people
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Nobody is here for your entertainment and pleasure. They are actual humans with feelings, thoughts, and entire lives outside of you. Treat them as such. This goes for online interactions, too.
While it’s true that Tinder feels a lot like a fun video game on your phone, save for the spambots, there are actual people on the other end of it. Consider that before you send the sort of message you’d be horrified for someone to forward to your mom. (Because some of us will do that if you cross enough lines.) Be kind. Be respectful.
Gwen Hutchings is a writer, content strategist, and editor. She works with multiple brands, including Sundance Catalog, Madly Wish, Redmond Minerals, and Single Dad Laughing.
