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Here's how to text love back into your marriage.
By Eric Williams — Last updated on Mar 17, 2023
No matter what approach you try, do you still say the wrong comments to your wife? Or perhaps you have learned that you can't communicate without causing a fight, so you've decided to keep quiet — only angering her further.
You're trying to improve your communication and save your marriage, but every little thing you say (or don't say) seems to be taken the wrong way.
Oftentimes as men, we speak too little in our intimate relationships, which chips away at the effectiveness of our communication. Consequently, our wives will negatively interpret our words, or lack thereof, influencing their feelings in the marriage. So what we eventually consider to be “nagging,” “annoying,” or “starting an argument” is really a reflection of how much and well we communicate.
If you're struggling with these communication issues and roadblocks, there are ways to work through them that will help save your marriage.
Learning what I call "love phrases" is one way to help. These responses will help you communicate better by tailoring your words to meet your wife's needs.
Use the 14 love phrases below in text messages to help you save your marriage by communicating clearly and consistently.
14 Text Messages to Save a Relationship
1. "I love you."
Not much of a shocker, right? Your spouse shouldn’t just know you love her because you two are married. This is a phrase you should use often and sincerely. Consistently and genuinely saying “I love you” reminds you that you are committed to the relationship.
2. "I support you."
Nothing acknowledges you as her biggest cheerleader (males can be cheerleaders), advocate, and “rock” as these three words. You effectively speak life into her dreams and goals with these words. And a supported wife means a supportive wife.
3. "How can I help?"
In addition to offering support, genuinely asking how you can assist is like saying, “No matter what you need, I will make sacrifices to be there for you.” She will feel your commitment to her and the relationship.
4. "I'm thinking of you."
This great text message lets her know that although you’re busy working or spending time with the fellas, you’re never too busy not to think about her.
5. "I miss you."
Like number four, this text message while at work or away from her is a reminder that although you aren’t together, you really do think about her and wish you were with her.
6. "I need you."
This calls for you to put your ego and pride aside and declare that you have some vulnerabilities. Just like she needs your support for her goals, you also need hers. Welcome her into your dreams and goals and share ways she can be supportive. And you both will experience a more intimate emotional bond.
7. "Your feelings are important to me."
Her feelings should always matter. And she will know they matter after you acknowledge they matter and listen to them. A wife who can communicate her feelings without judgment feels emotionally bonded even when the feelings are negative.
8. "I'm sorry/I apologize for…"
Apologizing is an effective way of acknowledging that you hurt her somehow. But be very specific in your apology, outlining what you know you did. A sincere apology is the best way to be forgiven for your wrongs and improve the relationship.
9. "I value your opinion."
One of the best ways to let your wife know you value her role on the “team” is to let her know her opinion matters. Then seek her opinion. Although you may be the household leader, all great leaders seek counsel. Value her opinion and enjoy knowing you both make the relationship great.
10. "Teach me how to love you and how you need to be loved."
This says, “I want to be your student of love so that I can love you the way you deserve.” You make loving her adequately and wholeheartedly a top priority which she will look forward to and enjoy. Consequently, you will enjoy her more as well.
11. "You make me want to be a better man."
Trust me when I say you are the best version of yourself in a relationship. Her commitment to supporting, respecting, appreciating, and loving you is life-giving. Maybe you want to get in shape so you can live longer and enjoy her more, or maybe you want to strive for that promotion to increase your earnings and vacation more with her.
Either way, acknowledge how her commitment to you influences your desire to improve.
12. "You're a wonderful mother."
To acknowledge her parenting skills is akin to acknowledging her womanhood. Your wife takes pride in her role as a mother. Giving her this compliment says you love her not only as a wife but as a mother as well.
13. "You've enhanced my life."
This statement acknowledges the value she brings to you and the marriage. Be specific in ways that she has enhanced your life which is emotionally rewarding for her and the marriage.
14. "Your struggles are our struggles."
When you welcome her struggles no matter the size, it implies she is never alone. You married her to share both good and difficult times. Voice your commitment to support and assist her, and note how welcoming her struggles improves the stress in the marriage.
There are many ways to say “I love you” to your wife. And sure, actions do speak louder than words, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to hear the words either. Thinking positively leads to feeling positive, and feeling positive leads to speaking positively.
The mood of your marriage is part of your responsibilities as a husband. Practice speaking positively to speak life and love into your marriage. Not only does your wife benefit from this, but so do you and the children.
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Dr. Eric Williams is a counselor and marriage and family therapist specializing in both interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships who helps individuals and couples reconnect with their inner selves and partners.