The Art Of Dating: 4 Simple Habits Of People Who Naturally Attract Winners, Not Losers
They don't chase. They choose.
Lucas Sankey | Unsplash Most of us have experienced the upsides and downsides of dating. If you've had great experiences with dating, you'll no doubt think it's wonderful, it's easy, there are many good men out there, and it's just a matter of time before you meet "the one".
If most of your dating experiences have been painful, you'll tend to take things personally. Each painful experience will reinforce beliefs that dating is hard, there are no good men out there, I'm running out of time, and "woe is me." For most women, including me at one time, dating seems to become more difficult with age and experience.
There were moments when dating was difficult, exhausting, and unfulfilling for me. Trying to push through these moments by continuing to date only reinforced the negative feelings that were building up inside of me. Finally, I took a break from dating. During my hiatus, I realized that I was actually making my dating life harder than it needed to be.
After my dating hiatus, I learned to date with more ease. When I started making choices that were aligned with what I wanted, and behaved and acted according to my values and integrity, I actually enjoyed dating and started attracting winners, not losers. I share these practices that dramatically improved my dating life in hopes that they help you, too.
Here are 4 simple habits of people who naturally attract winners, not losers:
1. They choose to be the victor, not the victim
Victims blame by asking, "Why is this happening to me?" Victors take responsibility by asking, "Why is this happening for me?" Whether it may seem like it or not, everything is happening for your greater good, especially your difficulties in dating and love.
They occur so that you can learn, grow, and become an even better version of yourself. When you are an even better version of "you, 2.0", you attract men who are better suited for you. Asking, "Why is this happening for me?" opens up your mind to be more resourceful in finding ways to improve your dating life.
2. They challenge, change, and transform
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Challenge your beliefs, change your perception, and transform your reality. Your dating life is first created in your mind and reflected outward. Challenge habitual beliefs that keep you from enjoying dating.
For instance, let's say you believe, "People hide behind their online dating profiles and aren't who they say they are when I meet them." While there are people who aren't who they say they are, there are also genuine people who show up the way they portray themselves to be. When you start focusing your attention on "genuine people" instead of "people aren't who they say they are", "genuine people" will show up in your dating life.
Successful people with a growth mindset are driven to continually improve, instead of needing to repeatedly prove their existing abilities, one study explained. The willingness and capacity to adjust thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in response to new or uncertain situations is a key component of success in a changing world.
3. They listen to their intuition
Don't ask your friends and family what you should do, and don't listen to their advice. They will tell you what you should do based on who they are and their experiences in their own love life.
You are an individual. You are unique. You have your own answers. Overthinking and overanalyzing will stop you from listening to yourself. Disengage from your mind, connect with your feelings, and listen to your intuition.
Make decisions and choices in the present moment based on what feels right. When something feels right, you will feel expanded, open, and uplifted.
Self-aware leaders can assess situations more objectively, manage emotional triggers, and prevent personal biases from clouding their judgment, according to research. Successful people use self-talk to motivate themselves through challenges, instead of resorting to self-criticism.
4. They make wise choices
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Don't get derailed from love by choosing to date men with red flags because it will take more time, effort, and energy to get back on track. Each choice adds up. Make wise choices that keep you on track to the love you desire.
Knowing what you want and keeping your eyes on your vision of love will help you make wise choices. Choose in favor of what you want as long as you feel good about yourself. You always have a choice.
You can actually create the kind of dating experience you'd like, despite your age and the length of time you've been dating. If you have an open mind and heart, are willing to look at dating in a positive light, and do the inner work, you will date higher-quality men and enjoy greater success.
Janet Ong Zimmerman is a dating and relationship coach and the founder of Love for Successful Women. She helps successful women find the love they desire.
