If A Woman Does These 10 Things, She Truly Respects A Man
Mutual respect is very important in a relationship. Make sure you show your man some!
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A/ Shutterstock One thing that I often see with my clients and with my friends is the lack of respect that many women show for their men.
I am guessing that, if I asked them, none of them would agree with me, at least not at first. But stepping back and giving it a closer look, they might just get it. I know that I have been there. Didn't want to see it, but was definitely that way in my first marriage.
What I see often happening in long-term relationships is women starting to treat men like children. Telling them what they can and can’t do, yelling at them when they do wrong, and not having faith in the choices they make.
The conversation around this is "Why does it happen? Why do women start treating men like children?"
Some say that it’s because the men are happy to step back, at least a bit, and let the woman take charge because it’s easier. As time passes, they become more and more set in their roles, a woman unwittingly becomes the boss and, as a result, might lose respect for her husband, at least partially, as a result.
Again, I don’t think that any woman wants this to be the case, but it does happen.
So, what can a woman do to show her partner that she respects him? To make him comfortable that she doesn’t see him as a child but as an equal?
Here are 10 things a woman does if she truly respects a man
1. She lets him make his own choices
A have a client who never lets her husband choose anything.
She is in charge of what he wears, what he eats, how he presents himself, what he buys, when he sleeps, what he drinks etc.
And this is not okay.
If a woman truly respects a man, she will let him make his own choices. She will have confidence that he can choose what he wants to do and wear and eat and not have it be if it’s something that she doesn’t like, not the end of the world.
My boyfriend wears these linen short sleeve shirts to work in the summer. I hate them. But I don’t say a thing. He loves them, says they are super comfortable and wears them with confidence. I only have to see him in the morning and the evening so I can live with that.
2. She doesn’t criticize how he does things
OK, be honest. If you are a woman reading this article might it be possible that you are always criticizing your man and that you are wondering if that is not an okay thing?
Good for you — it isn’t.
No one likes to be criticized for what they wear or the choices they make or the things that they said at a cocktail party. After all, we are all only human – we all do things that other people don’t like.
And people who regularly criticize others aren’t being respectful of them.
Would you ever criticize someone the way that you criticize your man? What would you think if you saw another woman berating her husband for something he wore or did or said? How would you feel if your man was constantly criticizing you?
Not so good, I am guessing.
3. She lets him have some say in how the family is run
I remember one day when our kids were young, I ran into the husband of a friend of mine. She and I had been planning a school event and had been really busy. I saw him walking with their three girls, looking exhausted.
I asked him if anyone ever thanked him for all the support that he had been giving my friend. He said, “No — I am always criticized for how I am doing things.”
I do believe that this starts from the first moment that a child is born. A man has no idea what to do. His woman has (maybe) been pregnant for 9 months and has a more innate idea of what to do but, for a man, one day he is a guy and the next day he is a dad. The world shifted in a big way and he has no idea what happened.
And, that day, the mom became the boss. Period.
Women who respect men allow them to make choices about how their family is run. Yes, they might not have known what to do at the beginning, but, over time, men too have learned how to be parents and are perfectly capable of doing so.
Yes, he might not do things exactly the way you want it done but he can do it. Let him be involved with the how and the why of how the family functions. He will feel really good if you do.
4. She gives him the freedom to do his own thing
A woman who respects a man gives him the freedom to do the things that he wants in the world, without resentment.
Many women, especially moms, want their partners with them as much as possible. As a result, men sometimes feel trapped in their relationships. And this does not feel good.
I am not saying that your man should be allowed to run wild and not have any responsibility in the relationship but a certain amount of rope should always be given and always without resentment.
Let him take that run on Saturday morning or go play hockey with a friend or take that weekend fishing trip. And the key is no resentment. If you need him to stay, ask him to do what he wants to do at a different time. Don’t begrudgingly say yes — actually mean it.
If you can give your man his freedom, you will definitely show him you respect him.
5. She is respectful of his family
This can be a tough one.
I always struggled with my ex-husband’s family. They were wonderful people but we saw the world very differently.
At first, I made a ton of effort to be there and get along but, as our marriage went on and I lost respect for my husband, I stopped making an effort. I let him go see them and I would stay home. I know that he didn’t like this but I didn’t care.
If you want to make your husband feel respected, have consideration for his family, even if you don’t necessarily get along.
6. She understands that they are different people
“If it were me….” is the beginning of a sentence that I hear all the time with women expressing frustration with their men.
“If it were me, I would have cleaned the toilet before the floor.”
“If it were me, I would have made a reservation earlier so that we could have gotten in.”
“If it were me, I would have been honest with his mother about why we can’t visit.”
The truth is, it’s not you — it’s him. We all have our own way of doing things and those ways aren’t necessarily the way that we would do it.
And that can be frustrating but it’s very important to keep this in mind when you are reacting to things that your man does.
I can promise you that if he were in charge of the world, he would always do things exactly the way you want them done so that you wouldn’t get mad at him but he just can’t always do that.
Any more than you could do something exactly the way he wanted it done. Your man just does things his way because that’s how he knows how to do it.
So, if you can understand that you and your man are different people who approach things differently, it will help you give your man the respect that he desires.
7. She trusts him
A woman who respects a man trusts him. Always.
She trusts that he will tell her the truth. She trusts that he will do what he said he was going to do. She trusts that he will have her back and that she can count on him when she needs him.
I know that the beginning of the end of my marriage was when I knew that I couldn’t trust my husband.
I couldn’t trust him to be where I needed him to be or do what I needed him to do. When my dog got mauled by a coyote, he was on a business trip, nowhere to be found. And that wasn’t the first time that had happened.
Do you trust your man? If not, it just might be possible that you don’t respect him.
8. She is never passive-aggressive
The definition of passive-aggressive is: “a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them.”
An example of this would be to let your husband go for a run, begrudgingly, and then, when he got back, say under your breath how much you wish that you had time for a run.
Instead of asking him to postpone his run to help you or make time for you to take a run too, you only hint that you are unhappy with him and his behavior.
This behavior is not productive. More often than not, a man doesn’t even know that you are being passive-aggressive and therefore doesn’t realize that you are mad.
Don’t be passive-aggressive. Have enough respect for your man to be honest and direct with him about what you need.
9. She is patient with his idiosyncrasies
They say that the thing that makes us fall in love with someone is also the thing that pushes us apart.
I have a client whose husband had a really hard time keeping things straight. He struggles to stay on task, to keep things organized, to do what he says he is going to do.
At first, she thought this was adorable. It was just one of those things that made him who he is. And she was super organized so she thought they matched well.
As the years went on and she learned what this idiosyncrasy did to their life, she thought it less adorable. When he couldn’t find something or didn’t get something done, she would get really frustrated and berate him.
She still loved him but she was very frustrated by his behavior.
I encouraged her to try to come up with a system, together, where she could get what she needed from him so that she wouldn’t get frustrated and not treat him well.
To figure out how to work together, using both of their strengths, so that she would still respect him and not turn away, frustrated.
10. She is always honest
If a woman respects a man, she will always be honest with him.
She won’t lie to him by omission, not telling him that she banged the car up at the supermarket and then expressing surprise when he notices it.
She won’t tell him that their son is upset because he missed the baseball game because she wants to protect him.
She won’t spend money that they don’t have or make promises that they can’t keep.
She is honest with him, always.
I know that absolutes like “always” can be daunting but make it your work, to tell the truth, more often than not, and show your husband that you respect him enough to be honest, no matter what the consequences.
It’s not that hard. You know you want to be treated with respect. You most likely treat your friends and family and the barista with respect. You might even treat a co-worker you don’t like with respect.
So why then is it okay to not treat your man with respect?
Being treated with respect is more of a carrot than a stick with everyone. Try it on your husband and see how much happier your relationship will be if you do.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be in this crazy world.