8 Signs Your Partner Is Quietly Hiding Deep Insecurities From You, Even If They'll Never Admit It
They may seem confident on the outside, but these behaviors can reveal deep self-doubt.
Anh Henry | Unsplash Being a model can leave a scar on a lot of people’s psyches. Such was the case with my own time — at least, back when I was a standard model rather than a plus-sized model. I did runway, makeup, hair, lingerie, high fashion, and yes, pictures too.
It was an intimidating industry. No matter how thin I was, people wanted me thinner. I had to be taller. Skinnier. Better skin. More, more, more. (Wait, could I eat?) People wanted me to eat, but I was on a 1000-calorie diet because I needed to lose, lose, lose.
While modeling has helped me feel good about myself, it also (from time to time) left me with insecurities. More often than not, my partners didn’t realize what was going on. That, in turn, made my insecurities spiral out of control in ugly, ugly ways.
An insecure person can end up spiraling. They can end up acting out in front of others. At times, insecurity can also drive a person to do things that can harm themselves (such as using drugs) or otherwise hurt those around them (such as cheating on them or just ghosting out of nowhere).
Lately, I’ve been in a similarly fragile mindset. As a person who’s seen how bad insecurity can wreck a relationship, I know it’s a good idea for partners to be aware of where your partner’s mind is at. At the very least, it can help you avoid a breakup or give you a heads up about issues that may impact your relationship if you don’t help your partner address them.
Here are 8 signs your partner is quietly keeping their insecurity from you, even if they'll never admit it:
1. They seem less interested in you
Yuri A / Shutterstock
Your partner used to be all about those little moments at the start. Now, they’ve stopped trying.
This can be a sign of many different things, including loss of interest in a partner or depression. However, it can also be a sign that they’ve become very insecure of themselves and their ability to provide a good time in the bedroom.
Now is a good time to ask them what’s going on. If they’ve already told you that they feel unwanted and unloved, now is a good time to try to show them some love and desire. It might be just what the doctor ordered.
2. They have become withdrawn
An insecure person is a person who often feels like they’re not wanted at events or at gatherings. If your partner stopped showing up to your regular outings with friends, it may be a result of personal interactions souring their experiences with them.
Many people, when they’re feeling insecure, will do one of two things: they will start to act out or they’ll start to just withdraw. Some, like myself, will act out when they are still crying out for help.
Acting out usually means the person will do things to cause a scene or try to get people to pay attention to them. I used to do this by drinking or using drugs as a way to scream, “Hey, look at me, I’m alone and I’m hurting! Please talk to me!”
If they realize no one is there to be there for them or give them attention when they feel alone, they withdraw. This is precisely what happened with me in the rave scene. I realized (or at least deeply feel) that no one wants me there, so I don’t go.
3. They fish for compliments
We all know what someone sounds like when they fish for compliments, right? They might ask (repeatedly) if an item looks good on them. Or they may start to talk about themselves negatively, just to try to get you to say they look good.
If your partner is fishing for compliments, it may be time to give them compliments. If it happens regularly, it may be time to sit them down and ask what’s going on for them.
4. They put you down
This is not okay, but it may be a sign that your partner is acting out of insecurity. A lot of insecure people will put others down to feel superior or push themselves up. This is the cornerstone of bullying — not to mention the cornerstone of GOP politics.
Unlike other signs on this list, if you notice your partner trying to insult you, make you feel insecure, control you, or otherwise put you down, your best bet is to dump them. This is a form of emotional abuse, and that’s not excusable by being insecure.
You should never be a punching bag for another person just because they feel insecure. That’s not what love looks like.
5. They tell you they feel unloved
Please, please, please listen to people when they say this. Even if you love them, waving it off with a “That’s silly!” is not a good move. This is a sign that your partner feels insecure as a result of the way they have been treated by you and others.
If you’ve been trying and it’s not enough, maybe the two of you are better off just not being together. If you look at your behavior and feel like they may have a point, it may be time to step up and recognize this is taking a toll on your partner.
This is a major warning sign because people often say things like this before they take their own lives. Please take it seriously.
6. They beg you to include them or make time for them
This goes back to the statement of feeling unloved or unhappy. People who feel insecure about their status with others sometimes will be vocal about their need to be included.
It takes a lot of courage to ask people to include you. If your partner is at this point, they really need some reassurance. Please listen to the clues.
7. They can't handle criticism
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This is one of those signs that can potentially indicate a tendency toward emotional abuse, but not always. If your partner lashes out, crumbles, DARVOs, or gets aggressive when you try to offer gentle, caring criticism, it may be a sign that the relationship is toxic.
If your partner just crumbles when they have a problem, it could be that they just need a little space or therapy. With that said, it’s rarely ever a good sign. Insecurity destroys relationships if you allow it to take over.
8. No matter what you do, they don't believe you
Honestly, this is a dealbreaker, especially if your partner doesn’t believe you when it comes to your loyalty. If you’re constantly getting accused of cheating or similar behavior, it’s time to cut things off.
This often is either projection (which means you’re being cheated on) or your partner is too insecure to keep up a relationship. Love is based on trust. If your partner doesn’t trust you, it’s a done deal.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
