The 'Romantic' Gesture That Everyone Said Would Ultimately Curse Our Marriage

Is permanent ink the relationship-ender that everyone seems to think it is?

Last updated on Oct 01, 2024

Couples marriage is cursed because of the romantic gestures. Motortion | Canva
Advertisement

My husband and I have been in ours for almost eight years. We crawled our way through the dissolution(s) of both of our previous marriages (while together, which is probably not the wisest way to start things off).

We survived raising teenagers and two babies (though only barely). Tiny apartment, slightly less tiny apartment, purchase of a home, purchase of another home — we have prevailed.

We practically soared through me starting a job in hospice, then quitting the job in hospice, and then starting the job I have currently. We withstood him working away from home three days a week literally every week (for almost nine years now).

Advertisement

We made it past the seven-year itch. We have even beaten the abysmal Leo/Scorpio odds.

We have persevered. Entirely too long. I mean, eight and a half years? No. It's time for this to end once and for all. 

A surefire way to end a marriage? Tattoo your names on each other. 

That'll do it. Look, almost half of the marriages end in divorce, the CDC reports, and I'm just trying to speed up the process here. Finally, it's over. I know it's over because at least three people have told me that if you have your partner's name tattooed anywhere on your body (but especially if it's visible), your relationship is going to fall apart. Tattoos are nothing new anyway, with statistics from the pew Research Center stating a whopping 32% of Americans have tattoos.

Advertisement

RELATED: 7 Charming Signs You've Finally Found The Man You're Going To Spend Forever With

The 'Romantic' Gesture That Ultimately Cursed Our Marriage cottonbro studio / Pexels

RELATED: The 50 Best Marriage Tips Of All Time, From 50 Marriage Experts

Wait, when is your marriage supposed to go to fall apart? Like as soon as you leave the tattoo place or after it's healed or in a year? 

In the 24 hours since we left the tattoo studio, I have had people tell me they "respect my decision" (like I joined a cult of something?). I have had folks suggest alternative tattoo ideas, but instead of names why don't you do _____? I have had people outright tell me that my marriage is as good as over.

Advertisement

Do you hear how absurd you sound? I'm not saying relationships don't fall apart; I'm just saying, if it's going to fall apart, it's not going to because his name is tattooed on my arm (or mine is on his).

There are a lot of reasons that relationships fall apart — cheating, fundamental moral differences, financial struggles, extraordinarily stressful circumstances (death of a child, for example), people being jerks — but tattoos are nowhere on the list of "reasons people get divorced."

The 'Romantic' Gesture That Ultimately Cursed Our Marriage Vera Arsic / Pexels

Advertisement

RELATED: 6 Tiny Signs Your Marriage Is On The Rocks

Why would you even want your partner's name on your body? Well, why wouldn't I? I wear a ring. My social media profiles show me as "married" — many of them even list my husband's name.

I tell people I'm married. My husband is my partner in crime. He is my right-hand man. My person. Google me. First, autocomplete.

If you want to Google "joni edelman husband," you'll find my husband is a programmer at Paypal, has given many public talks, and is very, very hot.

Anyway, I'm not trying to hide the fact that I'm married, so why not plaster his name on my body in permanent ink? And anyway, if tattoos do cause divorce, I now have fodder for my forthcoming memoir, Tattoos: They Cause Divorce

Advertisement

RELATED: The Top 10 Reasons For Divorce, Explained By Experts

Joni Edelman, RN, is the former editor-in-chief of Ravishly and is a personal life coach.