People Who Stay Married Out Of Habit Instead Of Love Usually Never Say These 11 Things To Each Other
Sometimes you can tell where a person's heart truly lies purely based on what they don't say.
wavebreakmedia / Shutterstock Sometimes, although love fades within a marriage, people will still stay together purely out of habit. They may fear the unexpected life that they would face if they were to let go of their marriage, so instead, they stay in it. Those who stay married out of habit instead of for love usually never say things to each other that would make them both feel happy and secure.
There are usually things that go unsaid when a marriage’s foundation is comfort and convenience rather than love. There is likely a lack of an emotional connection between the couple, which makes having an open and vulnerable conversation very difficult. Most partners will feel as though they cannot truly express how they feel, so instead, they continue going through the motions and real change never occurs within their marriage.
People who stay married out of habit instead of love usually never say these 11 things to each other
1. 'I wish I never married you'
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People who stay married purely out of habit typically will not tell each other that they wish they had never married one another. Despite feeling this way, each partner may feel uncomfortable confronting the actual issue in their marriage and expressing their true feelings.
Both may be feeling a deep disconnect with one another, which causes them to shut down emotionally. When they start to withdraw emotionally, communication breaks down, which can often lead to conflicts going unresolved and feelings being misunderstood. It is hard for them to discuss the original issues when communication feels impossible with one another.
2. 'You're the reason I'm unhappy'
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When a couple decides to stay married out of habit instead of love, they may feel deeply unhappy. However, neither partner would ever tell the other that they are the source of their unhappiness.
They may never say this because they fear the change to their relationship that it might bring. If they were open to effectively communicating to one another their feelings and what about their marriage is dissatisfying, they could see positive change that enhances their lives.
“Change is scary but necessary for growth, feeling like you married the wrong person could be an indication that you both need to realign aspects of your life to attain happiness in your current situation,” according to Relate Counseling Services, a team of therapists who are dedicated to improving the mental health of individuals and families.
3. 'I'm not in love with you anymore'
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Once a couple has been married for a good amount of time, they find comfort in knowing what everyday life looks like with that person. They may stay married purely out of habit instead of love. The fear of the unknown may drive them to never tell one another that they are no longer in love.
Sometimes, it is past life experiences or trauma that leave a person too afraid of the unknown to leave a relationship that is no longer filled with love. However, if both individuals want to truly feel happy and loved in their life, they may have to consider opening their mind to the possibility of embracing a new life that does not involve being romantic partners.
“Your greatest challenge is to try to picture a life for yourself beyond your relationship. Consider that being out of the relationship might bring relief, contentment, peace, and serenity rather than perpetuating shame, fear, frustration, guilt, hopelessness, anger, and other negative feelings,” explains Suzanne Lachmann, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and relationship expert.
4. 'I don't care about your day'
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A married couple that only stays together out of habit will likely never tell one another that they actually don’t care about each other’s day. Part of the reason that they stay in their marriage is because they know what to expect, and this predictability keeps them from having to deal with anything too difficult.
They may feel emotionally detached from their partner, but they also want to avoid any conflict with them, so they will be particular about what they do and do not say. If the couple is only staying together because it feels like the path of least resistance, they are likely neglecting their true feelings that they may not care as deeply about one another as they once did.
5. 'I'm so lucky to be married to you'
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If a couple is only staying together out of habit and no longer out of love, they will likely not tell one another that they feel so lucky to be married to one another. Their marriage may lack emotional intimacy and deep connection.
These things being a part of a marriage are usually what make people feel lucky within their marriage. Without them, each partner may lack genuine appreciation for their partner. Therefore, they will not take the time to tell them how grateful they are to be married to them.
6. 'I'm excited for our future'
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When a couple is together out of habit rather than love, they may not express their excitement for the future with one another. If they have become complacent, they may feel stuck in a routine that hinders them from having many positive emotions toward the future.
If having open communication pertaining to the future feels too intimidating for both partners, it may be difficult for their relationship to be healthy and for them to determine what is best for their relationship long-term. They could be intimidated by not being sure what the future holds for their relationship, and this fear of the unknown and unpredictable makes them want to push off these kinds of conversations.
7. 'I chose you every day, and I'd choose you again'
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Married couples that stay together out of habit instead of for love will never tell one another that they honestly chose their partner every day and would choose them again. Instead of feeling like they are making a genuine choice to be with their partner, they feel like the convenience is what is driving the relationship to continue.
When routine overtakes intimacy within a relationship, it is a sign that comfort and habit are why they are “choosing” to stay with their partner. They are no longer deciding to be with their partner because of the deep connection and love they share for each other.
8. 'I can't imagine my life without you'
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When partners are staying together because they are attached to the comfort of their relationship but no longer love one another, they likely imagine what life would be like if they were no longer together. Therefore, it is highly unlikely that they would tell one another that they cannot imagine life without each other.
While they may have no intention of ever leaving each other, it does not always mean that they do not picture a life where they are apart. They may choose to avoid conversations that may require vulnerability or may lead to having a deeper and more emotional conversation about the way they both actually feel about their future together.
9. 'I love you for exactly who you are'
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When the foundation of a married couple’s relationship is comfort and habit instead of love, they are not likely to ever tell their partner that they love them for exactly who they are. Mutual affection is no longer what is holding their relationship together so that they won’t express much affection to each other.
There is an emotional disconnect in the relationship that makes it difficult for them to show authentic declarations of love to one another. They also may not genuinely feel like they love their partner for exactly who they are, so if they were to make a statement like that, it would be an untruthful confession.
10. 'You are my best friend'
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People who stay married out of habit instead of out of love will never tell one another that they are their best friend. The profound emotional disconnect between them makes it difficult for them to open up with one another as one would with their best friend.
A loss of intimacy can make it difficult for even individuals who are married to maintain a strong bond with one another, which is what could lead them to become best friends.
“Intimacy is not solely about physical affection; it encompasses emotional closeness, shared goals, and a deep connection with your partner. If you find that you and your spouse have grown distant, with little emotional or physical intimacy, it may be a sign that the bond between you has weakened,” mentions John Nachlinger, a co-founder and managing attorney of Netsquire, a family law firm with a focus on divorce.
11. 'I'm so glad we can talk about anything'
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A married couple that only stays with one another out of habit will not tell each other that they are so glad that they can talk about anything with one another. They may not say this simply because they both know that it is a statement that is no longer true.
When love no longer exists between them, the ability to express their feelings with one another and engage in open conversation may start to fade. This lack of vulnerability makes it difficult for them to feel comfortable talking about anything. While some couples who remain married even when there is no love may still say some of these things, those who no longer feel an urge to be expressive may choose to say nothing at all, which could lead to deep and vulnerable conversations.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
