People Who Are In Super-Unhealthy Relationships But Won't Admit It Usually Display These 8 Subconscious Habits
People stuck in unhealthy love often show these subtle patterns.
Marcel Strauss | Unsplash When we're in a relationship, especially one we've invested years into, it can become difficult to see the truth staring back at us. We might make excuses and convince ourselves that what we're experiencing is normal.
Every couple has its own unique blend of struggles, but here are 10 bad relationship and communication habits that most couples could stand to give up. You deserve more than a relationship that requires constant justification to your friends or endless mental gymnastics to make sense of.
People who are in super-unhealthy relationships but won't admit it usually display these 8 subconscious habits:
1. They use the phrase, 'You always ... '
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When you disagree, speak in "I" statements about your own feelings. Don't try to tell your partner how he or she feels or what he or she does. Instead, say, "I feel ...".
Listen closely to how people talk about their partners when things get tense. Those in unhealthy relationships tend to speak in absolutes. It's a subconscious defense mechanism that protects you from vulnerability while simultaneously ensuring nothing gets resolved.
2. They take the words 'I love you' lightly
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It's not just a way to end phone calls or something to abbreviate a text message. You worked hard to find — and keep! — this special connection. Say, "I love you" out loud and in person.
In unhealthy relationships, these three powerful words get downgraded to punctuation marks, released from the weight and intention they deserve, one study argued. It becomes a substitute for real connection, a way to smooth over arguments without actually resolving them, or a habitual phrase that fills the silence where meaningful conversation used to be.
3. They DM each other more than they talk
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Instead of emailing your sweetheart a link to that funny YouTube video or DMing them an Instagram cat reel, share your thoughts on paper. Write a haiku or a knock-knock joke. Doodle. Check "yes" (not "no"). Or even better: talk to them. When was the last time you really looked at your partner's — or anyone else's? — handwriting?
When a relationship feels unstable, people often overcompensate with constant digital contact. Research shows that this compulsive checking in creates the illusion of closeness while actually preventing real intimacy. You're talking constantly but saying nothing. The relationship exists more on screens than in actual presence.
4. They forget to say 'please' and 'thank you'
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It's easy to fall into the habit of just telling your partner to do something. But sharing your life with someone is a gift. So say "please" and "thank you."
Healthy relationships maintain this basic politeness not because partners are formal with each other, but because they genuinely recognize that sharing your life with someone is a gift, not a given. Every act of consideration deserves acknowledgment. Those simple words of courtesy aren't just about manners; they're daily reminders that you value and appreciate the person you're with.
5. They constantly complain
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Instead of complaining, try to tell your partner three things that you appreciate about him/her or the relationship every day. This constant negativity serves to keep them from having to admit the relationship might be fundamentally broken.
If they can blame their unhappiness on small, fixable things, they don't have to confront the possibility that the connection itself has eroded. The complaining becomes a smoke screen, hiding the real issues behind a fog of petty grievances.
6. They hyper-focus on everything their partner does wrong
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You are not a mind-reader, and neither is your partner. Instead of trying to figure out what's upsetting him, ask him. Clear communication saves both of you from unnecessary guessing games and helps get to the heart of the issue faster.
This habit often comes with the belief that your partner should just know what you need without you saying a word. You expect them to read between the lines, pick up on subtle hints, and decode your silence. Research by the Gottman Institute explained that when they inevitably fail at this impossible task, it becomes more evidence for your mental case against them.
7. They avoid couples therapy
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It's important to be proactive and find support before it gets worse. There is a multitude of marriage education resources on the web, ranging from counselors, coaches, ministers, psychologists, and non-profit organizations, etc.
The reality is that seeking help early is one of the smartest things you can do for a struggling relationship. Many offer sliding-scale fees or virtual sessions that fit busy schedules. The support is there, but what's missing is the willingness to reach for it.
8, They give their partner what they assume they want, rather than asking
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Instead of assuming you know what your partner needs to feel loved, ask him. If love for your partner is more hugs and kisses, give them. If love is a night out with the guys, give it to him. Show your partner his kind of love — check out the five love languages to find out what it is — for the ultimate loving experience.
Assuming you know what your partner wants, without ever checking in, is often more about control and avoidance than genuine care. The issue is the one-sided nature of it, not the effort. Real intimacy requires the vulnerability of asking and the humility of listening.
Amanda Green is a writer with experience in copywriting, branded content, social media, and editorial.
