People With Kind Hearts & Even Gentler Souls Often Have These 8 Tender Traits
GaudiLab | Shutterstock When you ask a person with a kind heart about their day, they rarely sugarcoat the hard parts. They look for silver linings and pockets of joy they can choose to appreciate. These people are gentle and soft, even when everything in the world gives them reason not to be. Keep these folks close; they'll soften you up, too.
People with kind hearts and even kinder souls often have a few tender qualities:
1. They show compassion to themselves and others
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Often, it's easier to offer understanding and care to anyone but ourselves. We are often our own harshest critics, but a kind person knows that cultivating compassion means nothing unless we can give it to ourselves, too.
Psychologist Kristin Neff described self-compassion as "being supportive toward oneself when experiencing suffering or pain, be it caused by personal mistakes and inadequacies or external life challenges." Neff further describes it as "compassion for the experience of suffering turned inward."
She noted that self-compassion can be organized into three broad categories: Whether people emotionally respond to suffering with kindness or judgment, whether they understand their pain as part of the human experience or see it as an isolating force, and whether they pay attention to suffering in a mindful or overly identified way. Gentle people make self-compassion a focal point of their lives, because it helps them understand themselves and other people on a deeper level.
2. They're generous without expectation
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Someone with a good heart gives for the sole purpose of giving, not for any ulterior motives. A narcissistic person might only offer help because they want help in return, and a person with a big ego might not offer help at all. But a kind person is generous because they believe generosity makes the world a better place, and they truly want to help people out. A gentle-souled person helps for no other reason than wanting to be helpful, which is ultimately what makes them so altruistic overall.
3. People with big hearts forgive without resentment
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A kind person knows how to navigate conflict and share their feelings, so that whatever resentment they have gets aired out, instead of staying stuck inside. Licensed counselor Lisa Rabinowitz shared that a root cause of resentment occurs when people aren't open about their feelings.
"Resentment increases when someone feels their feelings are discounted, not heard, manipulated, shamed, or judged," she said. "You can work through resentment with a partner if you can address the problems head-on and decide to change this pattern of allowing resentment to build up and destroy your harmony." While working through resentment might be uncomfortable, a gentle person understands that the alternative of living with unresolved anger and bitterness is much more painful.
4. They are truly grateful for people they love
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Kind folks know that life is short, and that, ultimately, all we have is each other. They don't hesitate to say thank you or let people know just how much they're appreciated. Clinical psychologist Dr. Terri Orbuch revealed that "one particular emotion that brings unparalleled benefits to every type of relationship is gratitude."
Dr. Orbuch shared that over her years of research, "couples in a relationship who expressed frequent gratitude to each other were the happiest in their marriages by a significant margin." She noted that expressing gratitude serves multiple purposes, including offering reassurance and establishing a sense of intimacy.
A gentle person tells their partner exactly why they love them, and they don't stop there. They express gratitude to their friends and best buds because they know that we're only as strong as the relationships we have.
5. Gentle-souled folks are happy for other people's wins
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Gentle folks celebrate other people's big wins, like getting a promotion or acing a presentation, because they recognize how much hard work goes into any achievement. But they also celebrate small victories, like getting out of bed when you're depressed or getting your wild brood to school on time after a stressful week. A good-hearted person lifts other people up. They don't compare their wins to anyone else's or make passive-aggressive comments like, 'Must be nice'. They genuinely want the people around them to live their most magical lives, which is why they give encouragement so readily and passionately.
6. They give people, not phones, their full attention
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A kind person offers people their full, undivided attention. If they're with you, they're really with you. They put their phones on silent, and they don't scroll TikTok aimlessly while you're talking. They look you in the eyes and hear you, then ask thoughtful follow-up questions to prove they heard you.
As psychologist Nick Wignall pointed out, "Being a good listener is about what you do less of, not more of. You can't be an effective listener if your overarching goal is to beat the other person and boost your ego in the process," he explained, advising people to check in with themselves about their intentions before any conversation. "Instead of viewing conversations as competitions to be won, you'll start to view them as acts of service that aren't about you at all."
7. People like this understand people's limits
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A truly kind, compassionate person understands other people's limitations. They're able to hear and hold boundaries without pushing up against them, because they know that setting boundaries is an act of self-love. They aim to make people feel comfortable in who they are, which means accepting their limits and not expecting them to be a version of themselves they're not. They manage their own emotions without believing anyone else should do that work for them. They understand that having limits is part of what makes us all human, and our common humanity is what brings us closer.
8. Big-hearted people look for the good
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It's not that good-hearted people have a naively optimistic perspective or refuse to take off their rose-colored glasses and see reality for what it is. It's that they believe that people are inherently warm and giving. They believe that people are good, and seek out that good. A good-hearted person believes in other people, and in themselves. They let their inner light shine, and whether that glow is from a spotlight or a table lamp, it shines down on others, bringing out the best in them, too.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
