People Who Do These 6 Things On A First Date Turn People Off Whether They Know It Or Not
First impressions matter — and these six mistakes can ruin your chances fast.
Tom Morbey | Unsplash Dating can be fun — lots of fun! But to get to that I-have-to-see-you-everyday giddy feeling of a fulfilling relationship, you have to pass the first date in all of its awkward glory. Do you hold his hand? Is it okay that you looked at his Instagram profile? Does your hair look good?
Only once you know what to do on a first date can you feel more comfortable with yourself and get to know him on a deeper level. It all starts by making a great first impression — by, well, not making a terrible one — and these tips on what not to do will help you do just that.
People who do these 6 things on a first date turn people off whether they know it or not:
1. Revealing your deepest secrets
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When you're naturally at ease and can be your genuine self with another person, you'll have a better time, and so will he.
Confiding in him doesn't mean you have to tell secrets, but if you can get past surface topics and talk about things you have in common — your great family, your alma mater, your favorite sports team — that emotional connection will start right from the first date, and you won't have to force anything.
2. Checking your phone every two seconds
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In the twenty-first century, when online dating sites are standard fare, there's no reason to feel sheepish about Googling and social media-stalking your date, but maybe don't do it on the actual date.
After all, had you met online, you would already know things about each other's hometowns, your college, and what your interests are. Instead of feeling guilty about it, use the intel to fuel the conversation.
3. Bringing up past failed relationships
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This is more of a what-not-to-do piece of advice, but sharing information about a past relationship is bad news for a first date. Talking about how long you've been single is natural, but discussing the ugly details of your last breakup is a recipe for disaster.
You'll come off angry and unknowingly project your feelings about that last guy onto this new one. That's a quick road to no second date. What to do on a first date is to avoid negative topics in general. It's perfectly fine to learn from past relationships — that's what they're for — but internalize it and use it to make this relationship better than the last.
4. Not taking social cues
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They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but when it comes to a date, it will subtly indicate that the two of you are in sync. We naturally want to be around people who are similar, and echoing his movements is a great way to do that.
Does he lean into the conversation? You're welcome to lean a little closer. Is he talking with his hands? Take the cue and do the same. On the flipside, not picking up on social cues — like that he's leaning away from you or wants to wrap up the conversation — can turn a guy off because it signals a lack of awareness or emotional intelligence: two qualities most people want in a partner.
5. Forgetting the importance of body language
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While a loud and crowded bar or restaurant may not be an ideal place for a first date, it will allow you an excuse to get cozy. It's a great impetus for leaning in closer and creating a more intimate feeling right off the bat. Once that physical distance barrier has been broken, things like holding his hand or an end-of-night kiss will feel much more natural.
On the flipside, ignoring or not noticing body language like leaning back, checking the time, or giving short answers can make the date drag and feel tense instead of fun.
6. Shying away from going on an adventure
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So maybe The Bachelor doesn't have it all wrong when it comes to a good first date. You know all of those "leap of love" metaphors they make every season about jumping off a building, climbing a mountain, or insert-other-dangerous-activity-here on a date? It turns out that the more energy and intensity you put into any experience, the closer you're going to be.
An adventurous date gives you both a chance to share who you are in a fun and enjoyable way. After a shared experience — even ice skating or something more spontaneous like an impromptu Karaoke session — you're more likely to feel a strong connection to that person.
Ashleigh Schmitz is the branded content editor for Esquire and Men’s Health.
