No Woman Should Ever Feel Expected To Do 11 Ridiculous Things For A Man
Ray Bond | Shutterstock Great relationships are based on compromise. But too often, women are expected to compromise way more than men. This feels like Boomer stuff, but it happens in almost every generation, even today.
No woman should feel pressured to compromise things that make her happy, but when you fall for someone, it's easy to lose sight of what's normal. Before long, you're in deep and wondering how you got there. To protect yourself, keep an eye out for these truly ridiculous requests from a man.
No woman should ever feel expected to do 11 ridiculous things for a man
1. Give up on her dreams
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Every healthy relationship has some element of give and take. In these partnerships, both halves of a couple should feel like they have the chance to set goals and achieve them.
Traditionally, a wife was expected to give up on personal or professional goals outside of caring for her home, kids and husband. While this tradition started changing in the 1980s, with more women pusuing careers even after having children, the old expectation that it's the woman who should give up on her dreams to make room for her husband has hung on.
To make the relationship feel equitable, partners should have ongoing, open discussions about the direction they want their shared life to take. it's common for one parent to step back from a career once kids are born, but that doesn't have to be the woman unless that's been a mutually agreed-upon decision.
Her dreams might unfold on a different timeline than she imagined, but no one's life trajectory follows a perfectly straight line. A woman should feel like her partner makes space for her dreams, too, and not like she exists just to help him reach his.
2. Change her appearance
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Accepting people as they are is a key part of loving them, and a man should never expect a woman to change her appearance for his liking. That's just gross and immature.
As traditional wedding vows declare, husbands and wives love each other in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse. While not everyone who is in a partnership is married, if you're going to eventually commit long-term to someone, the same rules should apply.
An essential part of that pledge hinges on the idea that love stays strong as years pass by, which means loving each other in every iteration, with gray hair, wrinkles, and all the changes the aging process brings. Sadly, society has made it normal for a man to measure his worth by how hot his wife is, according to very narrow standards, and that's a problem.
The beauty standards women are expected to meet are already high enough without pressure from the man who claim to love them. And a woman's relationship should provide solace from those impossible expectations, not be a contributor to this pressure.
3. His cleaning and his chores
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More often than not, marriages and other cohabitating relationships are still divided along traditional gender roles when it comes to household chores and childcare. It's shocking, but this is true even if the women work outside the home, too, and even if they earn more money than the man.
Women also tend to carry more of the mental load when it comes to making sure their family life runs smoothly, which leads to exhaustion, burnout, and resentment.
According to a survey from Pew Research Center, the majority of married adults think chores should be shared. Still, old biases exist and men expect women to do way more of their shared work.
No woman should feel expected to do more than her fair share, and no man should automatically assume she will.
4. Sacrifice her friendships
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No woman should never feel forced to give up her friendships for her husband. While building a bond with each other is a key part of having a strong partnership, feeling isolated from the outside world is a sign of a seriously unhealthy relationship.
Friends are part of a wider support network. They offer an outlet for you, outside of your relationship. Friends help you feel more in tune to your true self, which allows you to be more present with your partner.
As licensed marriage and family therapist April Eldemire pointed out, "A relationship based on two committed yet independent people is generally healthier than a relationship built on co-dependency."
But controlling men don't care, they expect the women they're with to make them the most important thing in the world, and will happily watch their partner's friendships dissolve as a result. And no woman should tolerate that.
5. Begging him to apologize when he's wrong
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In any relationship, conflict is inevitable, but a woman should never feel like she has to beg for an apology. If she's always the one to smooth things over, it's an indication that the relationship is one-sided. Not all conflicts can be solved, but both partners should be willing to approach issues with an open mind, focusing on repair over everything else.
According to research from the Gottman Institute, 69% of relationship problems are unsolvable. This doesn't mean couples should throw in the towel and just give up, though. It means they should shift how they approach conflict, and learn to manage it, rather than avoid it or eliminate it. And that involves an apology, even from a man.
6. Hide her feelings
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Open communication is crucial to having an honest and healthy relationship, which is why no woman should ever feel expected to hide how she feels to please or pacify a man. Too often, women are made to feel like we're too much. When that feeling comes from a man who claims to love her, it's about 100 times worse.
That doesn't mean women should be able to go around shouting at everyone when she's in a bad mood or fly off the handle. Emotional regulation is important for everyone, regardless of gender. But when people hide their feelings, they invalidate their own experience, and that leads to serious resentment.
7. Neglect her well-being
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It's easy for women to fall into a pattern of giving all their energy and attention to their family or their partner while neglecting her own well-being. It might seem indulgent to order take-out instead of cook, or to say "no" to plans just to take a nap, but prioritizing self-care is part of staying healthy enough to keep going.
When women do this to ourselves, it's a problem. But when a man expects the woman he loves to neglect her well-being so he can have things they way he wants them, this is a huge problem.
This is a sign of a man who is selfish, childish and probably the wrong man for her to invest time and energy into. Yes, she should make sure she's being reasonable, but expressing emotions is a highly reasonable thing to do, and she shouldn't be talked out of that.
8. Fix a grown man's problems
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Part of being in love is wanting the best for your partner, but a woman should never feel forced to fix any man's problems. Yes, she can listen to him and help support him, but any problem a grown man has created is his to solve.
Nobody should go into a relationship hoping to fix someone or make them healthy. That's just not how adult relationships work. It's a recipe for codependence and no woman should stand for a man asking her to do this.
We are all responsible for our own lives, even when we're married or long-term committed. You're not your partner's go-to fixer or therapist. Acting as such puts undue burden on you, and takes away your partner's agency, infantalizing them. And you know what's not attractive? A man who acts like a baby.
9. Cook every meal
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Somewhere along the way, it became standard practice for women in relationships with men to cook every meal. Unless a woman loves to cook or it's part of their equal division of household work, this is just another chore women are assigned randomly, based on outdated gender norms.
At the start of the week, partners who live together can sit down together and make a meal plan, deciding who cooks dinner on which day. They can share the mental load of making grocery lists and going shopping, and they can each take their turn making meals.
Just because a man was raised by a mom who made every meal doesn't automatically mean the woman will behave in the same way, and expecting her to do so is inherently unfair. It makes him look like caveman in comparison to the guys who are all-in on equitable division of labor.
10. Give up her alone time
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A woman should feel entitled to spend time on her own and she should never feel forced to give up her alone time for her a man. This feels obvious, as these are all adults, and adults get to choose what to do with their time, but there are actually some men out there who expect the women they love to give up their hobbies and solitary time.
The longer someone is in a relationship, the easier it is for them to lose sight of who they are and what's important to them. Yet a woman's independent identity is just as important as her relationship, which is why she should prioritize spending time on her own.
She should feel free to carve out a few hours each week for whatever hobby or activity nourishes her most. Tending to her mind, body, and spirit will lead her to feel more like herself, which means she can show up as her true self in her relationship. Any man who isn't OK with that needs a serious reality check.
11. Act like someone she's not
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In a good relationship, a woman can show up as her authentic self without fear of judgment or ridicule from her partner. She should never feel forced to act like someone she's not just to please him or keep the peace.
Locating your authenticity and channeling it into your everyday life takes deep inner work and self-awareness. As couples counselor Susan Saint-Welch advises, "In order to be content and happy with your life, you must first find your true, authentic self."
Saint-Welch further explained, "Finding yourself means becoming aware of those around you, what makes you happy and what does not, and when you feel good about yourself and when you don't."
The only way to know ourselves more deeply is to take time to ask ourselves questions about what we value and how we want to live.
"Knowing your true self is a journey," Saint-Welch concluded. "You will likely continue to change in the future. Don't be afraid to be who you really are. The right people around you will truly want you to be happy and healthy."
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
