Listen up, fellas!
By Jill Zwarensteyn — Written on Feb 15, 2019
Dear guys, we know you are not perfect and neither are we. However, sometimes you do certain things that leave us ladies feeling super frustrated — and, in the more serious cases, downright angry.
Now, just as we don't appreciate when you lump all women together, this is not meant to group you all into one category, either. We are absolutely aware that not every guy partakes in every action on this list, but enough have that these topics are worth pointing out.
Consider this a well-meaning airing of grievances and small window into the female perspective.
I say “small window” because women come in all different shapes, sizes, backgrounds, ethnicities, cultures, etc. We have differing opinions and no two women are the same. Surprise!
Wait, so how can we make a list of things that women wish men would stop doing if not all women think the same? Fair question.
The topics are based on shifts in cultural conversations and social movements, as well as years of conversation among women. There's the obvious terrible behavior that has led to things like the #MeToo and Times Up movements, but then there’s also the things that women will talk about with each other but don't necessarily share with men.
When it comes to dating and relationships, there’s actually quite a few inappropriate and offensive things men do that they are probably unaware are major turn-offs for women. Then there’s the random things guys do that we just don’t get it — and are kind of grossed out by. This is a summary of all of the afforementioned categories.
Are there things that women do that are annoying to men? Of course! But for the purposes of this list, it’s time to talk about the fellas.
So listen up, guys! If you’re looking to make a better impression with women — or you're a woman and can totally relate to any or all of these — read on.
1. Harassment and assault.
I am leading in with this one because unfortunately, this still needs to be said. Even though the #MeToo and Time's Up movements have made some incredible progress for women, there's still so much work that needs to be done when it comes to the sexual harassment and assault of women.
Women are consistently the targets of both physical and verbal harassment from men. From catcalling to groping to rape, this behavior absolutely needs to stop. You are never, ever entitled to a woman's body. Women around the world are subjected to this kind of behavior, and frankly, we're really sick and tired of it.
2. Not calling out other men.
Yes, it was totally unfair that Billy Bush lost his job and Donald Trump went on to, well, you know the rest...
However, that incident was a classic example of how not calling out the bad behavior of other men is complicit in perpetuating a society that objectifies women and downgrades the severity of sexual harassment and assault. It's not enough for women to speak up; we also need men to do the same. Maybe you are in a situation in which your boss or friend is saying something inappropriate about women. Say something!
Listen, you don't have wage war, but you can say something. In order to change the culture, you guys have to speak up too.
3. Hating on feminism.
There are many incredible men out there who are allies when it comes to women's rights, pay equality, and the #MeToo movement. That being said, there's also this segment of the population that are total haters when it comes to women standing up for ourselves as human beings, because apparently the advancement of women is somehow a major inconvenience for them...
The word feminism alone will light a fuse in some men, and somewhere along the lines the true meaning of the word got lost. According the the Merriam-Webster dictionary, feminism is defined as "the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes". A woman standing up for herself — in whatever form that may be — is only an inconvenience to the men who seek to oppress her. Don't hate.
4. Mansplaining.
Mansplaining is defined as, "when a man talks condescendingly to someone (especially a woman) about something he has incomplete knowledge of, with the mistaken assumption that he knows more about it than the person he's talking to does."
Fun fact: men do not actually know everything about anything. It's especially fascinating when men think they know more about women's issues than women. We see mansplaining in politics, in the workplace, and in our everyday lives, usually followed by an eye roll.
5. Spitting.
Are you guys all right? Are you too hydrated or something? Seriously, what's with all the spitting?!
Men all over the world seem to be suffering from some sort of spitting obsession or species dehydration. You're minding your business, walking down the street, and all of a sudden some man decides to randomly spit. There's no reason it — just a casual reflex of some sort or something.
Unless you are a cowboy in Western movie or just tasted some terrible coffee, it's not exactly endearing. In fact, it's pretty gross.
6. Sending unsolicited d-ck pics.
Full disclosure: in all my years of female conversation I have not once heard a woman express an interest in receiving a d-ck pic. I can't speak for all women, of course, but somewhere along the lines men seemed to get this idea that women, in general, actually like this. Here's a fair warning: a pinching emoji is coming, so prepare for women to use it regularly when you send then unsolicited photos of your genitals. Please, take our response personal.
Listen fellas, if you want to turn a woman on, just send a photo of you holding a puppy.
7. Booty calls (when you don't have that type of a relationship with that person).
Unless you are in a relationship or have some sort of friends with benefits situation set up, booty calls are not okay. Yes, we are totally aware of what you're trying to do when you send a text after midnight asking to hang out (i.e. "you up?" at 2 in the morning). It's a huge turn off, especially if we just met you. And if you woke us up from a good night's rest, we'll be even more upset.
8. Refusing to ask for help.
Obviously, the most famous example would be the guys who refuse to ask for directions, but there's a lot of times when some of you guys won't accept help. Independence is great and a really sexy trait in a man, but it's also okay to ask for your help when you need it. We won't think any less of you.
9. Getting into fights.
Calm down, Rocky. You don't need to fight every dude who upsets you because you can't be embarrassed in front of your friends. Actually, you're the better man by acting like a grown adult and walking away from a potential fight. Keep your hands to yourself and take the high road already.
10. Labeling girls as "crazy".
When you are on a date with a girl and utter the phrase, "My ex-girlfriend is crazy," that's an immediate red flag to women everywhere.
Unless your ex has an actual clinically-diagnosed mental illness, no one is just flat out crazy. Instead, we are on the date with you now wondering 'What did you do to make her act like that? And how soon will you be calling me crazy then, too?" Yeah, we get that extreme behavior is cause for concern (and women have experienced that on our end, too) but some guys have a tendency to label a girl as crazy as this blanket statement to disregard her point of view and take away any blame from him.
Jill Zwarensteyn is a writer and Michigan native. When she's not writing, Jill enjoys Zumba class, travel, and referencing classic Seinfeld episodes.
