Men Who Don't Do These 11 Things For Their Partners Are Usually Hard To Build A Life With
JLco Julia Amaral | Shutterstock Finding a good man is hard these days. When you're trying to build a life with someone, the little things matter more than the flashy ones, so when you have one, you really have to hold on tight. Research shows that relationship satisfaction tends to decline over time, especially in young adulthood and the early years of dating, which means the foundation really counts. If a man isn't consistently showing up with respect, effort, honesty, and emotional support, it’s going to be hard to build something stable with him.
Luckily, there are ways to determine which ones are keepers in this chaotic world. Building a life together isn't only dependent on good chemistry or big romantic gestures; it's the everyday behaviors that make you feel secure and valued. So if he doesn't do these basic, but important, things, you're probably going to feel like you're carrying more than your share, which isn't sustainable long-term.
Men who don't do these 11 things for their partners are usually hard to build a life with:
1. He shows you respect
He doesn’t always have to open the door for you, but he should at least treat you like his equal. He shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself or degrade you. Instead, he should be lifting you up and constantly reminding you that your opinions and beliefs are valid. If he doesn’t respect you, leave him.
2. He makes a consistent effort
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Once you make it official, he shouldn’t stop trying. He should still initiate dates or spontaneous adventures, surprise you with flowers just because, or do whatever he can to remind you he loves you and wants your relationship to work.
Life coach Kathy Thielen explained how "We show effort by offering to help out: cut up some of the veggies, butter the toast, set the table, or load the dishwasher, etc. When we offer to lend a hand or show we value our partner's effort, we show an extension of tenderness and love."
3. He expresses his love openly
Once it’s openly said (because let’s be real, it’s daunting at first), he’ll always remind you how much he loves you. His communication will be open, honest, and never-ending, so he had better keep expressing himself to you.
"In a marriage or relationship, words are the medium," mediator Laurie Israel pointed out. "Words, and the way you say them, carry messages back and forth between partners that affect emotions and connection. They can make it thrive or destroy it."
4. He makes you laugh
He doesn’t have to be a stand-up comedian, but he should at least make you laugh every once in a while. Whether it’s a funny comment about something he’s getting passionate about or something stupid that makes you laugh and roll your eyes, there should be something. You should laugh and have fun with your partner.
5. He truly listens to you
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When you talk about things of importance to you or your feelings, he should be all ears. If he cares, he’ll pay attention and remember those conversations. Who knows, he might just surprise you every once in a while by remembering something from those old conversations. Research verified the power of active listening. Especially during times of stress, a partner who can actively listen without judgment increases the quality of the relationship.
6. He proudly includes you in his life
He doesn’t have to post endless pictures on Instagram, but he should still hold your hand in public and introduce you to people he knows. He should be eager to intertwine you with his life and make sure everyone important to him knows who you are, too. If he doesn’t, I’d leave him.
"If his friends make an effort to include you in things too, then that's a great sign they support you as well," dating coach Clayton Olson added. "The approval of his friends will definitely matter to him if he's in love with you."
7. He comforts you when you need it
He may not know exactly what you need in the moment, but over time, he’ll learn how to comfort you correctly. He won’t be scared by a few tears. Instead, he’ll pull you in for a hug and listen to what you need to vent about.
Psychologists Phyllis Koch-Sheras & Peter Sheras elaborated, "No matter how much you are struggling with stress, be sure to make it a regular practice or ritual to acknowledge each other every day for what you have each done to deal with the stress in positive ways. Acknowledgments, even more than expressions of love, have been shown to have the most impact on the other person."
8. He's willing to try new things with you
It’s easy to fall into a comfortable pattern in relationships, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t try new things. Whether it’s going to a cooking class just for giggles or going on vacation to a place you want to go to and he doesn’t, he should make the effort to do it with you.
9. He makes you feel beautiful and valued
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If you feel bloated, are covered in back zits, or have hairy armpits, he should always convince you that you’re beautiful. And when you argue with him on that topic, he’ll stand strong and give you more reasons he finds you gorgeous. You’ll never doubt that he sees your beauty.
Counselor Brittney Lindstrom described how it works in her relationship, "When he calls me gorgeous and I feel like I look scummy or my hair isn't done shows me it doesn't matter what I look like and that he'll think I'm gorgeous regardless. It helps me realize that I don't always have to get dolled up to impress him or make him think I'm pretty. Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder."
10. He's honest with you
Trust and truth go hand-in-hand when dating, and honesty is always important. He won’t lie, and if he does, he’ll tell you the truth when you confront him. And chances are, if he’s lying, it’s probably about a surprise he has planned for you. He’ll have nothing to hide otherwise. Dishonesty is a big reason to leave him.
11. He encourages your growth
He’ll always be your number one cheerleader and will give you every reason to pursue your dreams, even when you’re deep in doubt. He’s seen your potential, knows your drive, and will convince you that you are capable of anything.
Obviously, some things go unsaid, like being faithful and committed. However, a lot of these other crucial traits need to be emphasized, but often aren’t. Without them, your relationship is not set up to last long. So if your man doesn’t do these things, you may want to find one that does as soon as you possibly can. Stop wasting your time!
Brittany Christopoulos is a writer, journalist, and fill-in TV co-host. She's a Senior Writer and Head of Trending News for Unwritten.
