The One Magic Word That Makes Men Respond The Way You Want Them To, According To Dating Expert
It's not 'please' or 'babe.'
Joana Baumg | Canva I admit that when I talk about dating, relationships, and courtship in the modern-day sense, my articles are a little biased. Since I write from my own perspective, I often don't take into consideration the fact that each of us grows up differently in unique environments and is exposed to different types of normalcy.
Many times, women respond to my articles and tell me they feel as though men were simply not raised or taught to act in the ways I think they "should" act. This raises the problem of "You don't know what you don't know," and is essentially the same as asking someone to do something they've never been shown how to do.
This, among countless other reasons, is why research confirms that communication is important in relationships. It's important because we all have different expectations, outlooks, and languages that we speak.
It's often said that women are more emotional and men are more logical in how they communicate, which can be true — but it's also true that men instinctively want to make the woman in their life happy, and will do whatever it takes to accomplish that task.
We can begin to see a pattern that, oftentimes, while the willingness is there, the know-how simply isn't. This goes for most men, particularly because every relationship will be different, and they may need some help finding their preference in the beginning.
Women may become frustrated or increasingly jaded as they meet seemingly clueless men, but the cycle created by this is as follows:
- Man doesn't know how to make a woman happy, but doesn't communicate it.
- The woman is tired of the man never putting in the effort, not realizing he simply doesn't know how.
- Man feels hopeless and begins to recoil from the relationship because he feels he can't do anything right.
- A woman or man gives up and moves on because it's just not going to work.
And the cycle continues. Nobody is at fault except for inefficient communication, but how can you take purposeful action to break this pattern? The answer lies in understanding that men, like women, will respond differently to you depending on how they are approached.
If you say, for example, something like "I think you're ignoring me," "Why didn't you call me when you said you would?" or "You should've let me know you were going to be late," you may not realize it, but you are putting the focus on what he's done wrong.
This completely deflates him, and he will more than likely feel discouraged and respond in his own way. Some men get quiet, and some get hostile, but regardless of how they respond to you (right or wrong), the message they hear is the same: You're telling him he is inadequate for what he did or how he thinks.
The one magic word that makes men respond the way you want them to is the word 'feel.'
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Consider these alternatives:
- "When you don't respond to me, it makes me feel ignored."
- "When you didn't call, it made me feel like I wasn't important."
- "When you don't tell me you're going to be late, it makes me feel like you don't value my time."
When communicating with a man, watch how his responses to you change when you start telling him how his actions make you feel.
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Since, as discussed earlier, he wants to make you happy, knowing he's making you feel a different way will wake him up and understand the situation better.
Using the word 'feel' sounds more collaborative rather than combative.
It will give him direction rather than cut him off at the knees. It will make him feel like you're communicating with him, rather than pointing out his flaws.
This may sound basic, simple, or even a little bit ridiculous, but it's accurate. When men say they're simple creatures, they do mean it. They want to make you happy, but sometimes they need a little help and patience in figuring out how to do it.
So, next time you have a disagreement or a "talk" that needs to be had with the man in your life if you typically find he's closed off to hearing your point of view when you're trying to get him to change or improve the way he does something, take the focus off of what he is (or isn't) doing, and start putting the focus on how his actions make you feel. See how the conversation goes, then.
James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach. He has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.
